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Monday, March 22, 2004
Get married only if you're retarded

I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself. That's because I just figured out something that's been bugging me for weeks. This problem was almost insufferably geeky in nature and involves programming, so I shall not describe it here. You, the humble reader, would probably not be able to perceive or understand my brilliance anyway.

Anyway, here's something to consider. What logical reason could there be for a person to get married these days? To answer that question, I shall have to give you chumps a lesson in history. In the past, people got married mostly because they needed the institution of marriage to permit them to fuck. Strange as it may seem, it was actually frowned upon in most societies in the world to fuck before marriage, a most unnatural state of affairs, to be sure. Happily, things have now changed for the better. While not actually encouraged, fucking outside of marriage is at least tolerated these days.

If that is the case, why do couples still get married? To show that they love each other? If your partner doesn't know that you like him/her, what's he/she doing with you? If your partner already knows that you like him/her, why would you have to show it? Come on, if your partner were so insecure about your feelings for him/her that it takes marriage to prove these feelings, he/she would never be satisfied no matter what you do. Dump the neurotic bitch, for chrissake.

What other reasons are there? To have children? You can have children outside of marriage and you can rear them outside of marriage as well. To please your parents? That's even more ridiculous. If your parents force you to make major life decisions just to please them, they're not worth making the effort to please.

The way I see it, the only people who should get married are those with valid reasons like women/men who want to migrate to a particular country but need to prove that some citizen of that country is fucking them regularly before they can do so.

There are, however, many compelling reasons not to get married. Firstly, since marriage is a ritual, sex after marriage often becomes boring and ritualised too. You know, first you strip each other, then you whisper the same phrases you whispered last week. Then... you get the idea. Secondly, it's harder to pull when you're married. Perfectly dishonest people who would have cheated with you before you were married somehow balk when they see your ring. It's still not impossible to pull, you understand, just harder to. There are many more reasons, of course, but I'm sleepy.
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