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Saturday, March 26, 2005
PubicLicezilla: A Modern Moralistic Parable

12 years ago, a ship

A Thai prostitute stowed away in the cargo hold, in search of a better life abroad. She had crabs.

Unbeknownst to her, the ship was transporting illegal radioactive waste. Unbeknownst to the crew, they had a stowaway. With crabs. You know how these things go.

Present day New York

A faithful man discovers that he has crabs and accuses his wife of being unfaithful. His wife protests her innocence and says that she has no idea how she got crabs. Seriously, what the fuck? This will soon be the least of their troubles, as in the midst of their argument, a shadow looms over their apartment. They turn around in unison to gaze out of the window. What they saw filled them with horror.

It was PubicLicezilla! The Radioactive Sexually Transmitted Horror From Hell! Immediately, the amazing gigantic louse started causing havoc with the minions that always preceded it.

Like any self-respecting gigantic monster, it shot frikkin laserbeams as well.

Nobody, not even the politicians, knew what to do about the awesome creature.

They decided to send in the most godawful creature ever to plague the fucking planet. Yes, they sent in Godzilla.

To no avail.


Soon, the entire city was in ruins, and everyone had crabs. PubicLicezilla disappeared back into the deeps from whence he came, leaving the citizens of New York devastated and grieving, wondering what they could learn from this most perilous and itchy period in the history of the city. The moral of the story, of course, was simple. Never stow away on a ship carrying illegal radioactive waste if you have crabs.

Oh, and don't have sex with prostitutes.

This story was born in the middle of the night during a conversation with Ivan on IM. We were talking about the proliferation of roaches in B-grade sci-fi horror stories, and he wondered why no one ever wrote one about giant radioactive pubic lice. We both thought it would be an excellent opportunity for us to display our B-grade sci-fi horror story writing skills. The rest, as they say, is history.

Gimp fucking rocks, people.
Maybe the sequel can be on how radioactivity kicks ass and how Team America comes in to save the day and destroy the Statue of Liberty in the process?
man that is so frikkin awesome... LOL
Bravo... BRAVO!!!

These crabs seem to have soft shell.. can cook and eat anot?
But i'll take ur advice.. shall not have sex with prostitute..
btw.. can they bite a hole through condoms and escape? oh yah.... got lazer horrrrrrrrr. my bad.
Hello. I was searching on the internet and came across your website. As I was reading this latest post, I thought I had stumbled across the Maddox website. Hot damn that guy is funny. But I began wondering when the post was going to get funny because all of Maddox's stuff is funny. Then I got to the end, still wondering when the funniness was going to start, and at the same time fairly angry because I wasted my time reading this crap, and then I saw that this was not Maddox's site. Your website is black, just like his, and this post has badly edited or drawn photos illustrating your ramblings. I think the main difference is that you’re not funny or talented. I feel ripped off because you could at least put a warning at the top of your website that reads something like:

Although I try very hard at imitating Maddox, this is not Maddox's website. I’m sorry, and thank you for understanding.

What do you think? This might save some of your readers from wasting their time in the future. Just a suggestion.
hah...Don't you just love anonymous commentors? I think u touched a raw nerve there...Probably something to do with crabs and prostitutes..

anyway, cool story..Much better than the cockroach one..probably because it was illustrated
Celle: I think it's rather too big for eating. Besides, are you sure you want to eat something that lives in pubes?

Nethia: Oh, he's just a prick of a friend who likes to yank my chain. I was so bummed when I found out. I thought I had a genuine hate comment.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Besides, these aren't crabs per se; they're lice. Not the same kind as head lice, but because they're vaguely crab-shaped, pubic lice are commonly known as crabs.

Oh, and I was doing a Google and came upon a picture of someone who had a serious infestation on his eyelashes. Gross. And makes you wonder where the poor sod was sticking his face.
you're right, thinkin that the buggers live in pubes. prolly a bit fishy aye?
Btw, I got your solution for the male version of kegels! check it out. yay!
Damn straight that GIMP rocks. I wouldn't use any other program. Mainly because I am friggin cheap.



J Schnorng
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Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
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Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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