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Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Professional Sweeper Of Mines

First things first. I am most probably going to be at Chinablack celebrating my gaming pal's birthday on Saturday. If you want to see me dance like a faggot, drop me an email asking for my mobile number. Of course, if you're someone I don't want to see, you will be ignored. Holders of Adrian Coolness Points are guaranteed a reply, of course. See? Already there are benefits!

I've noticed that a lot of bloggers have been posting pictures of themselves lately. First, I saw Adri post a rather spooky picture of herself here. Then, from her blog, I saw Mr. Miyagi's picture and Mr. Brown's picture. Apparently, those pictures were posted in response to Xiaxue's t-shirt endorsement deal picture or something. Then, while reading the big fuck's latest post, I saw that he has also posted a picture of himself.

How ostentatious! As all men know, I am an ardent advocate of keeping a low profile and being modest. As a sign of protest against the undesirable behaviour of all these media whores, I have decided to post a picture of myself glaring disapprovingly at them.

Another fan of mine who requested anonymity has very nicely emailed another picture of a finger to me for my flipping-other-people-off pleasure. Thanks for the loan of your finger the past few days, Sheena. You get another Adrian Coolness point. The anonymous fan, of course, gets one too. Here is the aforementioned finger.

I am a professional freecell player. Every month I get a couple of hundred bucks just sitting around in the office playing freecell and listening to mp3s. God, I am so fucking cool. Why any company would pay someone to play freecell and minesweeper is anyone's guess, but my hypothesis is that there is some huge international freecell and minesweeper competition that they are planning to send me for. I would probably win such a competition too. Everyday, my powers grow. If there is a solution to any freecell game, I am confident that I will be able to find it on the first attempt if I set my mind to it. As for minesweeper, I am currently completing the games at an average timing of 100 seconds. That's, like, 1 mine marked per second, baby.

Of course, part of my pay can be attributed to blogging too, because while sitting in the office, I also write blogs which I email to myself and publish when I get home. So yes, I guess you could call me a professional blogger too. There are many bloggers in Singapore, but how many of them get paid to do it, motherfuckers? Huh? HUH? This is final and irrefutable proof that this is indubitably the fucking best blog in Singapore, people. Bow down and worship. God damn, I rock. And hey, fuck y'all if you don't agree with me, because your opinions count for nothing. I am the smartest, most capable person on the face of this planet - nay, in this universe, and I am always right. No one can oppose my supreme godlikeness, so don't even try.

Did I mention that I am also paid to take tea breaks? Yes, every half an hour, I take a half hour tea break. The rest of the time, I take smoke breaks. So you see, my envious readers, I am also being paid to smoke. I am a professional smoker. If I were any fucking cooler, Singapore would be buried under a layer of ice, except that I am also the fucking hottest guy on the planet, of course, which somewhat cancels out the climatic effects potentially caused by my coolness. If I weren't cool, the supreme hotness of my sheer physical beauty would make Singapore not just a sunny island, but a raging inferno as well. If I had been born in Ancient Greece, there would have been no Iliad, because all the kings would have been busy fighting for the right to give their daughters to me in marriage and no one would have noticed Helen was gone. In fact, the kings would probably have turned gay because of me. God, I am so fucking beautiful.

I rock, you suck.

Ok, my internship is fucking boring right about now.

Yeah, email me your number, dork, and I'll pop down to Chinablack just to see you being a faggot. And lovely tattoo, btw. Are there words on it?

And thanks for the ACP. ;p
And man, your ACp list stating "To Sheena: For the use of her finger" sounds fucking obscene can. What will people think you've been using my finger for?
Ah yes... the dream bubble bursts. Any hot interns/clerks/secretaries to ogle?

If you're really that bored, try playing every card combination in Freecell. A bunch of my friends played from Game #1 to #5000 or so when they were in NS and were bored in the office, I think.

Like I said, maybe you ought to throttle the CEO and usurp his place. Then you could get paid his salary AND still play freecell and minesweeper and blog all day long and go for long tea and smoking breaks.
Ivan: What dream bubble? I specifically chose this company for this kinda life. Pay good, not much to do, heheh. I miscalculated about having an internet connection though. By the way, come CB find me on Saturday, dude.
Sheena: So what should it have been? "For the use of her finger to fuck other people with"? Heh.
"For allowing me to plagiarise her wonderful, beautiful, long, slim, elegant, eloquent finger."

Yeah man, that sounds good. Hah.
*tries hard not to retch*

Would love to join you at CB (for a moment I was wondering if that stood for cheebye, then realised it meant China Black), Adrian, but alas, if only I could extricate myself from the heap of deadlines that is preventing me from making the most out of my life at least until May...
Pictures are totally what will bring blogging into the next millenium. Except we're already in it. Shit.

Ah well, nonetheless, I am right to post pictures of myself, since I think I'm so damn handsome.

You don't look very disapproving, anyway. This is good. Really disapproving people have an alarming tendency to be assholes.

J Schnorng

By the way, if you disapprove of one picture, you're REALLY going to disapprove of my latest 'jumping on the bandwagon' post.
At least you are getting paid for your professional minesweeper skills.
Personally I like to pay the university I attend to sleep through my classes.
You've definitely got stuff working in your favour.
Jess: Yes, I know. My internship kicks ass.
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UHhh... which company are you attached to? Mine only paid me for sleeping sprawled across the toiler floor.... *hiks
Let's just say it's one of the major telcos in Singapore. :p
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To Those Who Wish To Link Me:

Due to the fact that my ego is a humongous, bloated monstrousity, it is not highly unlikely that I wouldn't say no to your linking my blog, so there is no need to ask me.

Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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