"The Day After Tomorrow" is shite
Alright, I'm too prescient to have watched "The Day After Tomorrow", because firstly, Hollywood is shite and secondly, I hate most disaster movies. However, as a public service, I'm going to give you a review from this guy instead.

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Oh, sweet fucking Jesus. I had read how a lot of climatologists were going off about how this movie was unrealistic. Not being a climatologist myself, I thought I would be okay with accepting a few far fetched ideas for the sake of enjoying a good movie. I was wrong.

This movie goes beyond "unrealistic", and ventures quite boldly and with much aplomb into the realm of physically impossible. You would think the writer/director would have invested sometime into taking a geography class or something, but if he did he went to every class high as a fucking kite and got a blind monkey to take notes for him.

And you would think that when you're writing a movie about the coming of a new ice age that takes place mostly in extremely cold weather, you might want to head to somewhere that it occasionally ventures below 0, and take a walk outside for a few minutes. Throughout the course of this movie they infer that these people are surviving in somewhere around -100 C. And that's an upper bound for the guess. And yet for some reason, they continually dress and act like it's 10 below, maybe. Growing up in the North, I've experienced some extreme temperatures. I remember once it went down to -70 (with wind chill ) for one day. They didn't close the schools, but most parents kept their children home anyway. I remember walking outside for a minute, with my $600 parka. Now, this parka is made for bush pilots in case they crash and have to survive by themselves in the dead of winter for however long it may take to rescue them. I've worn that parka at 25 below and ended up sweating. And let me tell you, the cold whipped through the goose down and hit me so hard I almost couldn't make it back to the door. And the people in this movie are walking outside in their fall jackets, with maybe an extra blanket thrown on. And the kicker is that they keep on UNCOVERING THIER FACES and then TAKING OFF THEIR GLOVES. And then they PUT THEIR HANDS ON METAL. I've done this at 40 below before, and let me tell you that you have never felt such burning in your life. The heat is sucked out of your hand so fast you'll have scars for weeks.

And then my favourite part would have to be when they're running down a hallway, and they're OUT RUNNING THE COLD. Yep, that's right. Everything behind them is freezing solid, and they manage to run just fast enough so that they can make it to their room, and CLOSE THE DOOR, WHICH STOPS THE COLD. This isn't some ogre from a stupid fantasy movie, this is energy, which apparently can be stopped by a door.

So yes, don't see this movie. Their are actually a lot of other things that make no sense (For instance, most ice ages take hundreds of years to develop, but this one happend in ONE WEEK), but I've been rambling on about this for too long. And just because I'm such a nice guy with such caring appreciation for my friends, I'm going to tell you the ending:

• The father is reunited with his son, it's very touching, even though his entire epic journey to get to where his son was hiding out was without any point whatsoever


• The girl's leg wound is fine, they go to the ship to get her penicillin, and despite not getting any needles when they're there, they manage to inject her with it somehow, maybe using some Gilligan-Professor-esque syringe made out of bamboo.


• The son and the girl get together (Well, duh)


• The Dennis Quaids old research associate dies. To bad his character isn't developed enough for anyone to give a damn.


• A lot of people in the US actually make it out alive. And it's implied that everyone in Canada is dead, but no one cares, even though Canada is actually mentioned quite a lot in this excessively flag-waving film.

Well, now I'm going to bed much later than I would have liked, but my coworkers will just have to put up with my crankiness. I consider it a public service to get this warning out as soon as possible. However, most of you weren't planning to go see it anyway. So, like pretty much every sacrafice in the movie, it's probably pointless and idiotic. How ironic.

ADDENDUM: Oh, and I forgot to mention the President's speech at the end of the movie. He basically says we brought this upon ourselves by polluting too much. Now, I'm against pollution as much as the next 20-something with no stock portfolilo, but saying that THIS movie is a believable representation of the consequences of pollution is like saying that if you smoke a marijuana cigarette pixies will fly out of your ass and sodomize your mother.

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Oh, by the way, there are spoilers in this review, so erm . . . yes, you have been warned.  ¶
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