The universe revolves around me
This is gonna be a nonsensical post, because I'm basically just typing whatever pops into my head. Well, nonsensical by my standards, because whatever emerges from my brain can only be pure genius to all you other peons, right? Right, of course. Narcissism. I am the essence of narcissism. See, I really, really love myself, and I really don't care what other people think or how other people feel. Why is that? Well, simply because the universe revolves around me. It was created for my pleasure, and just in case you haven't noticed, the universe includes you. In other words, you were created for my pleasure too.

I am the meaning in your petty lives, humble readers. If I did not exist, what possible meaning could you have in your lives? Why, none at all, of course. If you don't believe what I say, you can ask my friends acquaintances. Love me or hate me, the people who have actually had the privilege of knowing me in real life usually find that their lives seem more empty whenever I'm not around. Who could they aspire to be like if I didn't exist? Who could they plot against in their jealousy of me if I wasn't around? Not that I care, of course. I mean, they don't really matter, do they? Of course not. You're all dirt to me, and if hurting you is what it takes to bring a smile to my lips, then so be it.

Of course, it's probably sad for the rest of you that I'm also extremely sadistic by nature. Nothing is more amusing to me than seeing one of you or, indeed, all of you, crying your hearts out. If you're sobbing hysterically because of me, well, that just makes it so much the sweeter. Sometimes people ask the powers that be why they have vested in me such divine grace, charm and beauty and yet also such inhuman cruelty. To that I can only shrug my shoulders, point at the miserable maggot asking this and laugh my fucking ass off at his or her naivete, thus making that person doubly miserable. Yes, it rocks to be me and it sucks to be you. If I were you, I'd commit suicide in the hopes of being born as me in my next life. Oh wait, I'm already me, so that's impossible too. Tough luck, buster. Better luck next life.

Some people think I'm a complete asshole. To that I can only agree whole-heartedly. I am an asshole, and probably the biggest one you'll ever see. The question, though, is this. What can you do about it? To which the answer is, of course, nothing. I can even say that I'm pretty fucking proud to be an asshole. So you see, there's nothing to be accomplished in calling me one, because it wouldn't hurt me at all, even if your opinions mattered to me, which they don't. Yes, I am an arrogant asshole sonofabitch. So? You see, humble readers, the thing is that nice guys finish last.

Don't listen to all that crap about the meek inheriting the earth. The meek can kiss my ass. They ain't inheriting nothing, because before they can get their puny mitts on anything, I'd have already grabbed it, being the humongous asshole that I am. If they even dare to so much as open their meek little mouths to ask for what they want with their meek little voices, I'll just tell them to shut up in my loud, brash voice. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'd give them what they want so that I can take it away from them the next day. Yeah, I think that would be better. The meek suck because they're all fucking losers.

Yep, it rocks to be me, because I rule. The only drawback to being me is that . . . wait a minute, there's none. Being me kicks ass, people. You guys should try it sometime. What's that? You can't? Aww . . . that's just too bad, isn't it? Pussies.  ¶
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