Know why the past always seems better? It was.
Hello again, my dear humble readers. Today I'm going to talk about nostalgia. Nostalgia is the feeling of longing for the past because it seems better than the present. Well, more or less. If you want the formal definition, go to www.dictionary.com, you nitpicking fucking assholes. Do you guys want to know why you look back on the past and long for it? Do you guys want to know why it is that the past always seems better than the present? Do you guys want to know why your life seems to be getting progressively more fucked up as time goes by? Well, if you have answered "yes" to all of the questions above, you've come to the right place! The answer is really simple, too. This is gonna be fast, so pay attention. The reason why the past always seems better than the present is because... it was!

Have you ever looked at the people around you whom you call "friends" and wondered why is it that the friends you made (and subsequently thoughtlessly lost) when you were younger always seem so much nobler, smarter, more beautiful, more loyal and generally better in every aspect? That's because they were. Face it, people. You're hanging out with a bunch of fucking losers, assholes, idiots and jerks these days. It's better by far to just give up right now and become a hermit, really, and stop making friends for the rest of your life. Gone are the days when friends will share weal and woe and go through thick and thin with you. Forget it. The people around you will stab you in the back as soon as look at you. They're only there because you have something they want. Eventually, if you hang out long enough with them, they'll get it, too. Then it's sayonara to you, my friend humble reader. Give up right now, people, because your soi-disant friends simply aren't worth your time, and frankly, you're not worth theirs as well.

Have you ever wondered why the songs of yesteryear seem so much more evocative and inspiring than the insipid, meaningless compositions they call "songs" these days? It's because music really kicked ass in the past. In the past, when people wrote songs and sang them, they really meant that shit. The rockers of yore were people with passion who wanted to make statements with their music and who had a message to send. The rockers of today have only one message to send: give me your money, suckers. It's all about the money these days, people. People create art and music nowadays not because they love to do it, but because they want to milk your wallets. Don't give it to them, you fucking morons! Download music, stop listening to music, do whatever the fuck you want to do, but don't ever buy their CDs and make the mistake of giving money to the bunch of phoneys in the music industry. Screw you guys, RIAA and MPAA. I don't download music anymore, but neither do I listen to that manufactured shit you churn out that gets dumber by the minute anymore, either. If any of you assholes are reading this, you can kiss my ass, because you'll never get me. You ain't got shit on me, motherfuckers. It might take another ten or even twenty years, but sooner or later, your customers are going to get too pissed that you're actively suing them to ever spend another cent on that perversion of music which you "create", and then you're going DOWN, you wankers. Of course, whatever replaces you will probably be even worse, judging by present trends, but hey, at least they won't be trying to rob me anymore. Piss off.

Have you ever noticed that politicians and leaders seemed more honest and noble in the past? Have you ever wondered why? Well, I'll tell you why. It's because you guys are getting dumber. See? I bet you morons thought that I was going to say that politicians were nobler in the past, weren't you? Well, they were, but that's not the disease, it's merely a symptom. You see, in the present, leaders and politicians mostly rule by consent, one way or another. Gone are the days of tyranny in any significant form. So, what does that mean? Jeez, you guys really are thick, aren't you? Do I have to spell everything out for you? You are being ruled by assholes because you let them rule you! Who voted Clinton, who couldn't keep his dick in his pants when he encountered the oh-so-irresistable temptation of an ugly intern named Monica Lewinsky, into power? You chumps did. Who voted Bush, who is . . . simply stupid, into power? That's right, you idiots did. Who voted a fucking Austrian bodybuilder-turned-actor who couldn't even act well into power? I'm sure you get the idea by now. No, wait, I'm not sure you did get the idea, considering who you guys elected to rule over you. You did! I mean, if these people are the best that our generation could choose to lead us, we're in serious fucking shit, my friends my fellow human beings fellow citizens of the world. By the way, I picked American leaders only because they're the most visible examples, so stop smirking, the rest of the world. You're equally, if not more, fucked up.

Let's face it. The environment sucks and the weather is getting more fucked up by the minute. People are getting more selfish and generally more stupid. The world is going to hell in a bucket, people, and there seems to be nothing we can do about it, right? A worrying state of affairs, but fret not, however, because all our problems can be solved. The solution is really very simple. Just elect me as King, God and Absolute Ruler of the World and you can enjoy the relief of knowing that everything is in my extremely capable and well-manicured hands. Furthermore, to solve the problem of every successive generation becoming stupider than the one before, I should spread my genes by fucking as many pretty women (because they also have good genes) between the ages of 18 and 35 as humanly possible until the day that I die. However, I know that you people are probably too stupid to ever recognise the brilliance of my plans for curing the world's ills, so suck my balls, assholes. You guys don't deserve my help.  ¶
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