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Thursday, March 31, 2005
BigDick®™ + VibroHands®™ = Ass-Kickery

I've quite recently discovered something about myself. If I drink tea or coffee, my palms sweat excessively. If I drink coffee or tea everyday, my palms start to rot after a while. Fancy that. I wonder what would happen if I continued to drink them anyway. Would my hands fall off? Would I become the Incredible Melting Man? Speaking of B-grade sci-fi horror flicks (apropos to nothing), that movie scared the shit out of me when I watched it long long ago. Now that I've become a god, of course, I fear nothing. Back when I was younger, I used to fear just about everything. Anyway, I used to constantly imagine that I was melting for quite a long time after I watched that movie. It was only after I realised that, being the Dark One, my destiny was to cause the death of others rather than to die that I stopped imagining stupid shit like that.

As I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself, I wonder if my hands will literally rot off if I kept drinking caffeine? If they did, could I sue the caffeine companies for it? If I could, what kind of compensation are we looking at here? Needless to say, I'm not being serious here. My hands are way too valuable to me for me to ever risk them. Know why they are so valuable? That's because my hands are VibroHands®™! Yes, I know that Wo Hen has them too, but are his a registered trademark? Of course not! I hold the sole rights for them. As a matter of fact, he probably licensed his from one of my many agents. Actually, his vibrations, as can be heard from his audio clip, are rather slow. If I were to record the sound of my vibrations, you would only hear a hum. On a scale of ass-kickery ranging from 0 to 10, with 10 being committing genocide and 0 being stepping on an ant, my VibroHands®™ probably ranks in the general vicinity of 10000.

If that doesn't kick enough ass for you hardcore daredevils out there, Don AQ® also has another line of products. Yes, it is the BigDick®™. Used together with VibroHands®™, BigDick®™ guarantees satisfaction for even the most hard to please of customers! So get yours now. Remember, these are limited edition items, so get your own set while stocks last!

*BigDick®™ and VibroHands®™ are available at all not-so-leading departmental stores.

Ok, I know I said in my previous post that I wasn't going to say anything, but since I was asked, here's what was said.

i think sheena is very brave, putting her neck on the line by doing the flaming for us all.
# posted by ahdokboy : 9:23 AM

Donaq: What did I say about XX that you disagree with? No really, just wanna hear alternative opinions. =D And I am seriously wondering why the sheep aren't flaming me yet. So odd. I was talking with Hai~Ren today, and he was saying that if the sheep flamed me you and him would both be more than happy to join on the fray (on my side).

Ahdokboy: Yah you owe me big big time. LOL~
# posted by Merenwen : 10:46 PM

Of course I would support my #1 fan!

What I disagree with? Well, firstly, as I said, I disagree that asking = flaming just because she happens to be popular for what she likes doing, namely blogging. She can't help it if she has stupid fans and she shouldn't be held accountable for what her fans do.

Secondly, since she asked nicely, I don't see it as unfair to the person being asked. If the person being asked is weak enough to feel threatened by XX's reputation, then it's her own problem and not XX's.

Thirdly, I see no problem with using your power to get what you want. Isn't that what power is for? Even though I seriously don't see her as doing that in this case. In the cab-snatching incident, yes, but not in this case.

Lastly, if a person dies in a hilariously stupid way, I have no problem with laughing at him. I may sympathise with his family, but that doesn't make his death any less funny.

Courage is relative. If Xiaxue or her dumb cronies scare you, then perhaps you're not very brave. Sheena is not doing anything for me. If I wanted to flame Xiaxue or her fans, I would not hesitate to do it myself. I just don't think XX is loathsome and I don't think her fans are worth the trouble. I'll tell you what really scares me, though. Having to read their repetitive responses in the event of a flame war.
# posted by Adrian : 11:30 PM

I might add, and no offence to you, Sheena, that seriously, the stuff some of your fans said is really dumb. Why the fuck should I respect the dead? Why can I not make fun of them? If they died because of stupidity, I will fucking laugh at them. If you don't like it, too fucking bad and boo fucking hoo. What's so fucking special about dead people? If someone does something dumb while alive, you laugh at them, but if he does something dumb and dies, suddenly he deserves respect? What kind of bullshit is this?

I don't even believe in life after death. Dead people are compost. Respect the living, not the dead. If you believe that there's life after death, I refer you again to the above question. If you did not respect the person in life, why should you respect him in death? Also, I might add the question, why should I have to conform to your superstitious beliefs? Fuck off.

If anyone wants to comment that the person on XX's blog actually slipped and fell, fuck off too, because you're too dumb to see what I was actually talking about. If the bugger slipped and fell, there's nothing for me to laugh about because it's really not funny. But the manner of that poor sod's death is not important here. What I'm really saying here is that those fans of Sheena's who kept going on and on about respect for the dead can go fuck themselves, because the dead do not deserve more respect than the living. If you want to go respect a heap of compost, do it on your own time, but don't try to lecture others on what they shouldn't laugh at.

I just realised that you also said something to that effect, Sheena. I hate to argue with you, you being my #1 fan and all, but I think you're intelligent enough to see the sense in what I said rather than simply taking offence.
I'm not taking offence. Everyone's entitled to have their own different views. For me, my view is that I respect the dead, no matter what, stupid or not. Death, in all its forms, is still a tragedy and is not to be taken lightly.

I know you're atheist/agnostic, but I actually have a religion (I'm Catholic), and thus I have certain beliefs and ideas about death that you may not agree with. Like I believe in life after death whereas you don't. But we're not bashing each other about it, are we?

And come on, no one's asking you to "conform to [our] superstitious beliefs". Aren't you taking this a tad too far?

BTW, I assume that you're directing this at my readers who were "trying to lecture others on what they shouldn't laugh at", and not at me. If you think I'm one of them, hell Adrian, I think you should have more sense than that. Do I seem the sort who will forcibly make others conform to my views and ideas (Andy is another matter altogether, can)? If I were, I wouldn't be asking for alternative opinions from you and others.

P/S: Dammit, can you not publicly reveal that I'm not #1 fan? Makes me sound uncool can? ;p
Man, this pretty much covers it. I mean, I pretty much agree with this post.

That is all.

Sheena: Yes, we can of course agree to differ. If people lecture me and say that I should respect the dead, wouldn't you say they're trying to force me to believe as they do? And yes, this post was a reaction to what Andy said. Sorry, didn't register that it was your boy, haha.

Big Fuck: You mean you agree that BigDick®™ + VibroHands®™ = Ass-Kickery? MUAHAHAHAHA!
I was tempted to offer my views. But hey, I'm a fence-sitter. Heck, I don't even blog now. Well, not 99% of my time anyway. But hey, this all makes for a rather interesting read.

Hey Bro, I'm your fan actually. I read your blog on an almost-morning-daily basis. Does that earn me a ACP too? Heck, just give me $10 tonight when you see me. That's way better than any point I'd care to get. -grin-
Heh. Andy is just like that. He's really a Hokkien beng who isn't that great in English. Make him say the same thing in Mandarin or Hokkien and you'll find out that wasn't his intention at all. I'm not standing up for him here just because he's my guy, but I know him well enough to know that he's also not the sort who forces his views on others, and he can be even more tolerant of other people's ideas than I am sometimes. It's just that religion-wise, we both hold the same views about death, so yeah, we both don't like it when we see people insulting the dead.
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Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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