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Tuesday, July 25, 2006
LEWD Update (my, there hasn't been one of those in a long time)

I just realised that I haven't been a blogger for some time, so here goes. Some blogicitism (yes, I just invented the word), in case anyone has missed it. Which is not bloody likely since not many people read my blog these days. In fact, I blog so infrequently save for the weekly Fred and Phil updates that it's a wonder I have any readers at all. These hardcore readers of mine, whoever you are, I love you guys. You guys have taste. As for the rest of you who have given up reading my blog just because I can't be arsed to write interesting stuff to help you fill the spaces in your pathetically empty lives, you're all bastards and can thus suck on my balls.

Speaking of empty lives, I think that people living in industrialised and relatively affluent countries complain of being bored way too often. You're all a bunch of whiny bitches who don't know who's who in the book of fucking what, and I hope that you may all live in interesting times (first spotted here). Speaking of that guy, check out this post too. I find that so funny that I think I shall reproduce it without permission here.

Well, I applied to work for this European IT company with a base in Singapore. They obviously must have mixed up my resume with someone else's, because they invited me in for an interview.

Being inexperienced with interviewing in general, I gave them some pretty wtf answers.

Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest strength?
Me: People say I'm a funny guy.

Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest weakness?
Me: Women.

Interviewer: Do you mind travelling?
Me: I'm cool with that. Since, er, I'm not married.

Interviewer: What attracted you to the financial/IT industry?
Me: The chaos.

The interviewer must have been deaf or something, because he invited me back for the next round of interviews next week.

Not only is this guy funny (like me) and trying to slim down (like me), he is also interested in programming (like me) and likes basketball (like me). Pity he doesn't use Linux, though. Ah well, nobody's perfect. Nobody except me. Like I always say (well, actually, I just thought of the phrase, but I'm sure going to use it more often), it's lonely at the top, but the view sure is fantastic!

Incidentally, and no offence, Fatboi Slim, but if you're reading this, I have a question for you. Why use Mplayer in Windows (boo! hiss!) when you can use it in Linux (yay! hurrah!)?

It always comes as a nice surprise when I twig that someone has linked me in their sidebar, but when that someone happens to not be Singaporean, the pleasure derived goes from "Ha! You loser! You linked me before I linked you! BWAHAHAHA!" to almost orgasmic. Oh, who am I kidding? Nothing gets close to orgasmic, but still, it's more than pleasant.

So I was surfing in technorati, and I found this blog. I have no idea how she got to my blog nor why she likes it. I mean, her posts are rather kosher and intellectual. I don't mean intellectual as in the "intellectual banter" one of our famous pink bloggers claims to enjoy (for shame, that the word "intellectual" should be abused and debased so), I mean intellectual as in Screwy Skeptic. Immediately curious, I delved further into the arcane arts of IT wizardry to divine more about this mysterious paragon.

Yes, I checked out her Blogger profile.

Here's what I found. Her blog handle is "Shahrezade". Her location is listed as "New York, Istanbul, Irbid". Based on her posts, I would guess that she's currently residing in New York. Woohoo! Ego just grew a whole lot. Her age as listed by Blogger is 36. Wow, she's a grownup! A grownup in the USA who's intelligent came across my blog and liked it enough to put me in her sidebar?


Of course, I realise that after this display of infantilism, she may very well have second thoughts about linking me, but if there's one thing I am, it's irrepressible. If there's another thing I am, it's enthusiastic. If you're reading this, Shahrezade, may I ask why you linked my blog? I'm always hungry for feedback. And by the way, if it's not something that you think I'd like to hear, that's all right, just make something up.

On the flip side of the same coin, some idiot left a comment on my blog telling me this. "Go read my blog." Something like that, anyway. I went to his blog, and it sucked. No spacing between some words. No capitalisation. No paragraphs. If you're not Alan Cox, not hitting the "shift" key at all when you're typing doesn't make you different or original, it just makes you lazy, ok?

Now we have a serious decision to make. Who makes it into LEWD? Fatboi Slim or Shahrezade? No matter what any of you say, I'm going to overrule your puny opinions and put both of them in LEWD.

So there.
the fatboi is cool, he watches suzumiya haruhi!!!
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To Those Who Wish To Link Me:

Due to the fact that my ego is a humongous, bloated monstrousity, it is not highly unlikely that I wouldn't say no to your linking my blog, so there is no need to ask me.

Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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