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Friday, April 02, 2004
Destroy your livers. It's fun.

Well. Last night was pretty enjoyable. I was hanging with the Demigod of Alcohol and the Drinking Demon and the rest of their friends and, of course, imbibing large amounts of intoxicating liquids. Fun bunch. Altivo has one of the best views in this fucked up country. Maybe I should bring the feisty bitch there sometime. Oh, but she doesn't drink. Oh well. Which brings us to what I'm going to blog about today. Alcohol.

I love alcohol. Alcohol kicks ass. Why? Because I love it, of course. Sure, you health-conscious people will exclaim that it's bad for the liver and all that bullshit. Tell me, what has your fucking liver ever done for you? Why should you be so nice to it? Remember that when you're enjoying lots of totally cool, kick ass alcohol, and after that, merrily puking your dinner away, when you have nothing left to bring up, it's your fucking liver that creates the vile substance called bile that you barf out when you have nothing else to puke. Bile tastes vile. Alcohol tastes great. See?

Besides, you peons were put on this earth for a purpose. Well, for two purposes. One of them is to serve me when I eventually rule the world and plunge it into an age of darkness lasting at least a thousand years, and the second, slightly less important than being my slave, is to enjoy yourselves. Don't be such a tightwad. Unplug thy asses! You can be afraid to try stuff all your life and be very healthy and live to a ripe old age, but who wants to be a fucking centenarian with a head full of bland memories? Far better to be cut down by liver failure or lung cancer in your prime, having intensely enjoyed all 40 of the years you have been in this world. Trust me, all "sinful" things feel good. Sinful things became sinful only because the people who made the rules in the first place were a bunch of old geezers who could no longer enjoy them.

Yeah, that's right. The rules were made by a bunch of old people who said to themselves: If we can no longer booze for fear of puking our guts out, no one else is fucking enjoying that shit. If we can no longer get it up for sodomy, no one else is enjoying that fucking shit... and so on. Why should we listen to those old people who move slowly, speak slowly and think slowly? I hate old people trying to tell me what to do and kids who don't listen to instructions. Of course, by my definition (hint: the only one that counts), anyone more than 5 years younger than me is a kid, and anyone more than 10 years older than me is old and my dislike for these head counts is directly proportional to the size of the age difference between them and I. In other words, whichever age group I happen to be in kicks ass when I'm in it. My generation rules because we're always right. The rest of you blows.
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The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
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Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
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Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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