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Saturday, April 02, 2005
My Mother Kicks Ass

Continuing the first part of the previous post. We have "browned", "popped by gandhi", "cowed by Caleb", "balded by googa" and being "given a free brain haemorrhage". Personally, I think you should go with "knighted by the Techno Prince" or something, Ivan. Although that is a tad long. I was wondering how to describe being linked by the Big Fuck, and I think getting "fucked big time" succintly describes it. Now we come to yours truly. How would one described being linked by Don A.Q.? I have come up with two choices.

1) "Rocked by the sucker" or,
2) "sucked by the rocker".

Personally, I think both kick ass.

I was just having an interesting chat with my mother over breakfast.

Yes, you bastards, I do have a mother.

So anyway, there's this Chinese festival called "Qing Ming", where we go to tidy up the graves of dead relatives. Personally, I think it's nonsense, of course, but I go every year anyway because it's a chance to meet up with my cousins. I think it's nonsense because what do the dead care about the blocks of stone and soil we place above their decomposing heads? I told my mother that when she's gone, I will no longer observe the custom.

Before we go on, I understand that some of you pinheads will think that it was a terrible thing to say to one's mother or some shit like that. Well, it's not. That's because I have an extremely cool mother whom you can really talk to, instead of mumbling polite cliches throughout your conversations.

Moving along, my mother was saying that I should at least put her remains in a temple (my mother's religious, but doesn't mind that I'm not) and visit them every year. I had a counter-proposal. I suggested instead that I put her remains in an urn and display it, along with a plaque and her picture, prominently somewhere in my future home. The plaque will tell anyone who visits my home what a fucking wonderful mother she was, and also list all the things she did for my brother and I. It would also mention that she was a wonderful cook. Yes, I think that would be a fucking wonderful idea. Firstly, everyone who knows me will also know of my mother. Secondly, no crummy phoney temple will get my ill-gotten money. Lastly, I wouldn't have to make trips every year just to be reminded of my mother. I can be reminded of her in the comfort of my own home.

I'm just kidding about the reminding part, of course. If there is one person in this world that I will never forget, it would definitely be my most cool mother. Did I mention that she's a great cook? I know this would probably come as a surprise to you fuckers, but I am really a mother's boy, and I am not ashamed to admit it. Why should I be? The fact that I have a great relationship with my mother doesn't detract from the fact that I am still a fucking badass who will slap your heads off for so much as looking at me wrong.

I'll tell you who really should be despised rather than mother's boys, though. It's the motherfucking spoilt brats who are rude at home, but who are like fucking mice outside. I knew a few people like that when I was younger. I spit on people like that. Be nasty to other people if you have the balls, but not to the people who care for you (they don't have to be your family). What's the fucking point of having an attitude around people who won't fight you over it? I mean, look at The Godfather. He may have bestrode the New York underworld like a modern-day Caesar for two generations, but he's all about Family.

Seriously, everyone should watch The Godfather. It contains all the lessons one needs to get through life.

I actually meant:

1) "Rocked by the sucker" or
2) "sucked by the rocker".

Forgive me, I haven't had my morning smoke.
Sucked by the fucker sounds better.

And what about people who are linked by me? Any ideas anot?

Another mummy's boy like Ivan... AWWWWWWWW!!!
And I envy you for having a cool mom. I have a shitassed relationship with mine because she's a complete bitch who doesn't give a damn about my existence. No, it's true.
I actually meant:

1) "Rocked by the sucker" or
2) "sucked by the rocker".

Forgive me, I haven't had my morning smoke, haha.

Well, every family has their own troubles, I guess. My family is far from perfect, too. If you notice a conspicuous absence of mention of another supposedly important family member, you may have a clue of what our burden is and also why I respect my mother so much. If you guess it, don't say it, by the way. ;)
Opposite from you here. My burden is my mum. If I could, I'd have run off and lived with my dad long ago, except that he doesn't have his own home, he's living with my aunt. All thanks to my bitch of a mother who robbed him of everything he had in their divorce, including me.
And what would you call being linked by me? I can't come up with anything.
I can't think of anything either. I'm gonna go Sim Lim to scope out RAM, hahaha.
Great cook!!! *YUM YUM YUM*
Every family has its woes. My father made some stupid decisions that caused a lot of hurt in the family, and we're still suffering from the burden of that. And that's the main reason why I spend so much freakin' time in school.

But oh well, I seem to notice that in many families, the sons side more with the mother, while daughters prefer the fathers. Then there are those who just hate both their parents. Then of course, there are the exceptions.

I suggest "Rocked by the Don". And "knighted by the Techno Prince" seems to sound better, since my blog title was a load of bull I dreamt up of when I was signing up with Blogger, and I identify more with Techno Prince than Brain Haemorrhage. Should also stop all the searches for "brain haemorrhage" that lead people to my blog. =D
And oh yes, any mum who's a wonderful cook is worth her weight in gold. No... gold AND diamonds. No, she's danged priceless!
Sheena: When we get mentioned, we can say that we've been "Merenwen-ed" or "Sheena-ed" (though that's a tad unimaginative)
"Donnified", "Dontified", "Verified by AQ", "Donned", "don@q"...

IP essay getting to me...
Definitely Sucked by the Rocker! then if you donaq-ed the blogger again, he/she can then be Rocked by the Sucker.
That's the normal order anyway..

But both kick ass! But yah.. follow the order la.. normally rock oredi end of game.
The whole sucking thing is a tad too graphic for me, man. I can't think of sucking without thinking of, you know, candy

Ivan: You bet she's priceless!

Feisty Bitch: Yes, you should take a break.

Celle: Yeah, I think the order is very important too. I definitely don't want to suck something I just rocked, heheh.

Big Fuck: Yes, candy is definitely the first thing that comes to mind.
u know hor. using "vulgur" words to end ur punctuation not exactly make the whole thing very nice to read.

If I were to replace those words with normal punctuation it'll go like this
aiya only a smart"ass" will understand what im saying muahhhahaha
Well, I'd replace "fuck" with *toot*, but that would just make me look like a fucking hypocrite, wouldn't it? Sorry, *toot*ing hypocrite.
aiyor, i think vulgarities make the best part of any language. dun replace with toot, i like ur vulgar rantings as they r.
Well, thanks babe.
If only...
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To Those Who Wish To Link Me:

Due to the fact that my ego is a humongous, bloated monstrousity, it is not highly unlikely that I wouldn't say no to your linking my blog, so there is no need to ask me.

Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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