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Thursday, April 28, 2005
A Disturbing Trend

I have recently noticed a disturbing trend. If this trend is left unchecked, it could affect national security. It could be detrimental to our general health. It could affect public hygiene. It could offend aesthetic sensitivities, not that aesthetic sensitivities matter because only arts fags have them and who cares about the fucking arts fags? Nevertheless. It could affect our sex lives. Aha! Got your attention, didn't I? And what, one might ask, and with good reason, too, is this mysterious disturbing trend? Well, it took a long time for me to notice it as a trend, because it seemed so innocuous at first. In fact, one might even say that it gradually seeped into my consciousness, much as water gradually seeps into porous rocks . . . What was that? Oh, yeah, the trend. Well, I first noticed it in toilets.

Singaporeans are losing pubic hair at an alarming rate.

How did I come to this conclusion? Well, because I am an extremely talented, handsome, witty, intelligent and, above all, observant fellow. Now, I shall show you guys a picture that, though disturbing, I'm sure many of you are already familiar with.

Yes, it is a pube on a urinal. Here's another one.

Yes, that was a picture of a pube on a toilet bowl taken inside a female toilet. In case you're thinking at this point that I'm some kind of pervert who haunts female toilets, I must assure you that I am nothing of the kind. I haunt both male and female toilets. Wait a minute, what I really meant was that I infiltrated the female toilet merely for research purposes. For the benefit of you ingrates, I might add.

What, you might ask, does people dropping pubes have to do with national security? Well, isn't it obvious? If none of us had pubes, the people in other countries may start thinking that we are a nation of prepubescent pussies. Think back to your days of puberty. Do you not remember how the last guy to get pubes always gets picked on for not having them? Would you want this great nation to get picked on for not having pubes? I think not.

I mean, with pubes, I look something like this.

Without pubes . . . well, I would still look pretty damned impressive, but then I'm different. You guys would look like little boys and subsequently get picked on. Hence, as a pubic - I mean, public service, I Rock, You Suck presents the first and only complete treatment for people with balding pubes problems. Yes, it is the much-awaited Sure-Won't-Lose-Pubes Gel!

Instructions for use.
Apply liberally 3 times a day on your pubic area. I can personally guarantee that if you use our Sure-Won't-Lose-Pubes Gel, you will not lose a single pube again for the rest of your life. Ever.

Seriously, guys, for chrissake, clean up your pubes in public toilets. It's fucking disgusting.
Sell to Cartman?
That picture of the big-dicked guy is damn fucking gross, man. Pubes in toilets are nothing compared to that!!!

The photoshop is awesome, though.

Oh, and I'm definitely not one of those who leave pubes in toilets. I simply CAN'T, because I go Brazilian, if you know what I mean.
Hahaha that is hilarious.
You just needed an excuse to put that picture again right?

Thank goodness I'm not in school this time...
Brazilian waxes leave a strip of hair, so you can still shed.

Porn stars shave their pubes so they look bigger. Another theory debunked!
holy shit!
You want guys to pick their pubes out of the urinals? Disgusting.
ya, i also don't understand...are we supposed to pick up after ourselves?

Feisty Bitch: Haha, I think few people in Singapore caught that joke.

Sheena: Your going Brazilian is really more information than I am comfortable with. And that's not photoshopped, that's a picture of the guy who came in second in the international penis size competition.

Mock Turtle: Yeah, I'm a witty sort of guy. Do you keep a blog, by the way?

Ivan: Man, that picture is awesome and can never be shown too many times.

Agagooga: It's not about the size. Lions look less intimidating without their manes too. You can look big but without the mane, you're just another kid.

wongcheok: Holy fucking pool of piss on which floats a solitary piece of brown turd! Ok, I don't know where that came from.

sb: Didn't you read? I want guys to start using Sure-Won't-Lose-Pubes Gel and stop losing pubes.

Big Fuck: Either that or apply Bostik. >:)
Sadly, no. But I will let you know if one materialises.
Lol...hmm..That guy's bladder would have to exert a pretty large force to be able to 'push' all that piss out or ejaculate. I conceive that he would hang his meat out of the window to allow gravity to do the work everytime he needs to piss.

Actually that's coming from personal experience...Well, mine, when erect...I only have to briefly twist my hips a fraction of a degree to either side and the tip would be traveling close to the speed of light, hence it would 'age', relatively, much slower than by balls. =)

Wade: So let me get this straight. One end of your dick is older than the other end?
howley shit ad.. that long cockonaden guy is half snake or watt...

mebbe shd open salon for pubes.. do they have less-pube loss shampoo?

mebbe i make one and market
Celle: You can be the sole distributor for my Sure-Won't-Lose-Pubes Gel, babe.
that guy is sexy

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Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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