A Disturbing Trend
I have recently noticed a disturbing trend. If this trend is left unchecked, it could affect national security. It could be detrimental to our general health. It could affect public hygiene. It could offend aesthetic sensitivities, not that aesthetic sensitivities matter because only arts fags have them and who cares about the fucking arts fags? Nevertheless. It could affect our sex lives. Aha! Got your attention, didn't I? And what, one might ask, and with good reason, too, is this mysterious disturbing trend? Well, it took a long time for me to notice it as a trend, because it seemed so innocuous at first. In fact, one might even say that it gradually seeped into my consciousness, much as water gradually seeps into porous rocks . . . What was that? Oh, yeah, the trend. Well, I first noticed it in toilets.

Singaporeans are losing pubic hair at an alarming rate.

How did I come to this conclusion? Well, because I am an extremely talented, handsome, witty, intelligent and, above all, observant fellow. Now, I shall show you guys a picture that, though disturbing, I'm sure many of you are already familiar with.


Yes, it is a pube on a urinal. Here's another one.



Yes, that was a picture of a pube on a toilet bowl taken inside a female toilet. In case you're thinking at this point that I'm some kind of pervert who haunts female toilets, I must assure you that I am nothing of the kind. I haunt both male and female toilets. Wait a minute, what I really meant was that I infiltrated the female toilet merely for research purposes. For the benefit of you ingrates, I might add.

What, you might ask, does people dropping pubes have to do with national security? Well, isn't it obvious? If none of us had pubes, the people in other countries may start thinking that we are a nation of prepubescent pussies. Think back to your days of puberty. Do you not remember how the last guy to get pubes always gets picked on for not having them? Would you want this great nation to get picked on for not having pubes? I think not.

I mean, with pubes, I look something like this.



Without pubes . . . well, I would still look pretty damned impressive, but then I'm different. You guys would look like little boys and subsequently get picked on. Hence, as a pubic - I mean, public service, I Rock, You Suck presents the first and only complete treatment for people with balding pubes problems. Yes, it is the much-awaited Sure-Won't-Lose-Pubes Gel!



Instructions for use.
Apply liberally 3 times a day on your pubic area. I can personally guarantee that if you use our Sure-Won't-Lose-Pubes Gel, you will not lose a single pube again for the rest of your life. Ever.

Seriously, guys, for chrissake, clean up your pubes in public toilets. It's fucking disgusting.  ¶
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