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Monday, April 25, 2005
I Got A Letter From Mr. Leeky

Due to the fact that the Big Fuck is, like, my blogging buddy and his present address is unclear, Mr. Leeky has sent me this letter to be forwarded to the Big Fuck.

Man, I can't believe you did that shit to my picture. I'm going to sue your fucking ass off. Because that's what I do, I read blogs all day long, looking for people who deface my pictures or take my name in vain, and use all my considerable influence to put them in jail. So what if they are just undergraduates playing childish pranks who really respect me despite making fun of my pictures and who openly say they respect me? I just can't get past the fact that they drew moustaches on my picture because I am just that petty, so sue me (heheh, just a little joke, your lawyers ain't shit). So, Mr. Big Fuck, prepare to get your ass fucked big time in the big house, asshole.

Mr. Leeky.

Dude, looks like you've really got him riled up, man. Who'd have known that the great man would really be as petty as everyone else feared?


Disclaimer: It must be said here that, like most aspiring Evil Overlords, I do not have a single redeeming quality, not even courage or a backbone (I slither around like a worm. Seriously.). So, unlike the Big Fuck, I would not only back down if the authorities take exception to this post, I would kneel and beg, clutching at their pant legs, eat my own shit and drink my own piss while sobbing in a most humiliating manner. The only reasons I'm taking the great man's name in vain, besides to show solidarity with the Blogger with Balls of Brass and to put my money where my mouth is, is that I am quite, quite sure that

1) Mr. Lee Kuan Yew (blessed be his name) does not read my blog (nor the Big Fuck's),
2) he can tell that we're kidding even if he does and also that
3) he's not petty enough to bother with punks like us.

I rather think that, if anything, it's the other Singaporeans working in the various institutions and organisations we are beholden to (our schools, our ISPs, etc) and which are beholden to the government, who will be alarmed and offended rather than the great man himself. So, if anyone shuts me down, it will be them rather than the great man himself.

A couple of days ago, there was a post by singabloodypore about how infantile the Singaporean blogosphere is. This caused, as Celly aptly put it, a big brouhaha in the blogosphere, with some bloggers saying that they agree with the bugger, and others, such as the Big Fuck, disagreeing. The Big Fuck even posted a rather well-written entry about it, which attracted numerous comments. People like Celly and myself, however, practically ignored it, other than, in my case, linking the Big Fuck's entry because it was good. I do not speak for Celly, but the reasons I wasn't offended are that, firstly, I am extremely disinterested in politics. Secondly, I blog primarily to amuse myself and anyone else who happens to be reading and (not to be immodest) also because I think I am incredibly fucking funny. In fact, I fucking crack myself up. Right, I shall rein myself in before this entry degenerates into another ego trip.

So as you can see, given my motives for blogging, it is inevitable that my blog is more than occasionally infantile and self-obsessed. I suspect that most of the other remotely readable blogs in Singapore were sparked by motives similar to my own. The question of whether or not the writers of these blogs are themselves infantile by inference has already been addressed by the Big Fuck, so I shall not belabour the point that we are not our blogs. Instead, I shall address the question of why Singaporeans seem to mainly write such blogs, at least, those of us who can write (I exclude the typical teenage "I dAtEd sO-aNd-So ToDaY aNd he/she wAs sOoOo gOrGeOuS omfgomfgomfg" blogs for obvious reasons). You see, the reason why I wrote this entry was because of a certain jarring statement about a "growing culture of dissent" in Hong Kong made by expat@large in response to the Big Fuck's post. Apparently, this guy thinks that just because we Singaporeans do not, as a whole, tend to disagree, or agree, for that matter, with our government much, the political climate here sucks and that we're all brainless automatons who are interested only in the material side of living and who have been brainwashed by the government or something.

Firstly, it is extremely difficult to brainwash the entire fucking population. I mean, I can accept that the government may have brainwashed, say, 2 out of every 10 citizens who were born with below average intelligence, but if you think that just because we don't usually bitch about the government en masse, we've mostly been brainwashed, you're a fucking racist. Even if I grant you the fact that our education system and media have become a gigantic propaganda machine, you'd have to bear in mind that most of us have access to the internet, which is almost totally unfiltered. We've read about what's going on in your turf. We know what's going on in your world, and quite frankly, most of us are just not that impressed. Sure, you have your "culture of dissent", but so what? If your political climate is so cool and dandy, why the fuck are you bitching about it so much for? Either your governments suck, or you're a bunch of overgrown whining children.

What is the primary goal of every government with regard to the citizens? Surely it is to look after the basic needs of the majority of its citizens? Throughout history, governments that have failed in this task have seen the people rise up against them, time and again. If they have enough physical might, the people fail, but if things continue to be intolerable, the people will revolt again. What about secondary goals? Surely one of the most important of those would be to ensure prosperity for the people? Again, if the government fails in this and most of the people live in poverty, there will be a revolution, (or at least a culture of dissent) no matter how much the government is feared. So now do you see why there are so few political blogs in Singapore? This is contentment you see, you silly person. The government is so good at serving our needs and wants that most of us couldn't care less about every little thing it does. If it ain't broken, why fix it? So fuck your cultures of dissent, and fuck your so-called mature blogs. If there are so many people bitching about every fucking thing the government does all the fucking time that it actually becomes noticeable in the blogosphere of a country, it either means that the government is doing everything wrong, or it means that the people are a bunch of whiny wankers.

I'm not saying that our government is perfect. I've frequently been pissed at them, in fact, but objectively speaking, they have been doing a rather good job for most of the people so far. This does not, of course, mean that I rule out the possibility of migrating to another place where the fags are cheaper, but still . . .

Another thing is that dissent may work for large countries, but come on, can fragile Singapore really handle two serious political parties? I doubt so, because of the nature of man. If you do not understand, go hit yourself on the head with a clue stick until some sense get knocked into you, because I should be getting to sleep soon.

We blog about our trivial little concerns and infantile little lives because all our major concerns have been taken care of. So there. *wails for more beer funds*

P.S. I popped by to the guy's blog, and I must say that it's disappointingly mostly no less infantile than my own. Oh well, at least he appears to like alcohol so we all know he's above 18.
Never knew blogs have to be about politics to be mature.
Haha...now I know who got cc-ed by Mr. Leeky. I was wondering there, for a while.

Incidentally, you've heard that limeric about the man from madras with balls made of brass, right? You know, in rainy weather they'd clang together and sparks would come out of his ass?

I like that poem.
Heh, no, dude, I hadn't heard that poem before.
Well then, just in case you need the proper phrasing:

There once was a man from Madras
Whose balls were made out of brass
In rainy weather
They'd clang together
And sparks would come out of his ass.

My other all time fave:

I sat with the duchess at tea
And she asked, 'do you fart when you pee?'
I replied with some wit,
'do you belch when you shit?'
And I thought, well that's one up for me.

Most limericks suck, but these two are awesome.

Awesome limericks!

And frankly, they can say what they want lah... I get pissed with gahmen policies sometimes, but I suppose that Singaporeans are just easily contented as long as their material needs are being more or less taken care of.
Singapore Serf - Disenfranchised.

We all made the deal in one form or another. We serfs would shut up and accept...
Wait till you're 40 and above in Singapore. The Gahmen doesn't really care about middleaged people.
Big Fuck: Hahaha, those limericks kick ass. Thanks.

Ivan: Not really, no. I think that a lot of the people in our generation are rather less easily contented than our parents were.

suspiciousbastard: Sounds like you know way more about it than me. Way to go, O knowledgeable and smart guy.

Sorry (and I don't mean that in the slightest), but being talked down to brings out the sarcastic guy in me. -rolleyes-
And having a few relatives above the age of 40 who are currently struggling in life (i.e. they got fired, had to accept low paying jobs) doesn't really make me hate the gahmen. Oh no it doesn't.
So what do you suggest? Welfare? That's not going to work here, for obvious reasons.
I don't really know....so I guess the only constructive stuff I can do here is to shut my mouth.
FYI, my father is retrenched, and has been bumming since like, December and my mum is a housewife. So I do know what I'm talking about. And it's not always the system's fault.
The govt is not obliged to feed every mouth, middle-aged or otherwise. Being out of work hardly qualify someone as useless or helpless and therefore in need of some assistance.
well said. A good rebuttal to Mcdermott, though nothing seems to sink into his head.

And Singapore largely depends on foreign investment to keep her workforce employed... if they want to leave because China is offering a better deal, there's pretty much nothing the government can do about it.
sexy mature MILF
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Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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