I Am A Continuing Source Of Inspiration
There's a daily column in Today called "Focus On The Family", written by a Dr. James Dobson. It's sort of a daily lesson of the day which the good doctor feels that everyone should learn or some shit like that. Not being much of one for following the advice of others because I'm so much smarter than everybody else, I usually read it, chuckle cynically, and let it go at that. Today, however, this column touched a chord in me. It was about comparing yourself with others. Here's what he said.

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Someone once said: "Comparison is the root of all inferiority". How true that is. When you look at another person's strengths and compare them to your own weaknesses, there is just no way to come out feeling good about yourself. Young people are especially vulnerable to the game of comparison.

A while back, I was speaking to a group of teenagers at a conference, and I'll never forget the question posed by one young man. He said: "It seems that everyone has more to offer than I do. I envy the guys who are better looking than I am, or more athletic, or smarter. I just don't measure up. How can I deal with my own insecurities?" The problem he was describing is a common one among young men and women. Even at a young age, our self-image is shaped by how we stack up against our peers. It's not how tall we are that matters - it's who is the tallest. It's not how fast we can run - it's who runs fastest. It's not how smart we are - it's who is the smartest. Thus begins a pattern of self-doubt that often becomes all-consuming during adolescence. The answer I gave that young man is one that many teenagers need to hear: When you pit yourself against the best and brightest, you are merely setting yourself up for failure.

Mental health begins with an acceptance of life as it is and a willingness to make the most of the unique strengths and talents you've been given. When that is achieved, comparison with others is no longer a relevant issue.

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I mean no disrespect to this guy when I say what I am about to say. Haha, I was just shitting you guys, I mean every bit of disrespect when I say: What a load of bullshit. What a fucking dumb attitude to take! Allow me to dissect this article piecemeal, flaying and mincing it mercilessly until nothing is left. In fact, let me rewrite it so that it becomes a lesson actually worth learning. Knowing the mental capabilities of some of you out there, I have color-coded it so that you will have no problems differentiating between who wrote what. What he says will be in yellow, to signify that his advice is only suitable for yellow-bellied cowards to follow, while what I say will be in gold, to symbolise the fact that anything I crapped out of my keyboard can only be pure gold. I am Midas, after all.

His version of extreme wimpiness:
Someone once said: "Comparison is the root of all inferiority". How true that is. When you look at another person's strengths and compare them to your own weaknesses, there is just no way to come out feeling good about yourself. Young people are especially vulnerable to the game of comparison.

My version of extreme ass-kickery:
Someone once said: "Comparison is the root of all inferiority". How true that is. For a loser, that is. Come the fuck on. It's absolute bollocks. It should be: "Comparison is the root of all improvement". When you look at another person's strengths and compare them to your own weaknesses, there are only three ways to come out feeling good about yourself.

1. Practise self-deception. Lie to yourself that you're just "different" and that fish cannot be compared to bears or some shit like that. Or lie to yourself that you're actually better than the other bugger, because hey, if reality is too hard to take, just divorce yourself from it, right?


2. Sabotage the motherfucker. If he can do more chin-ups than you are, wait for him after school with 20 friends and a bat. Aim for the arms. If he's smarter than you are, wait for him after school with 20 friends and a bat. Aim for the head. If he's taller than you, wait for him after school with 20 friends and a bat. You get the idea. If the other person has strengths you don't have, all you have to do is get rid of them. Makes sense, doesn't it?


3. Ok, I was half-kidding there. Those methods work, especially #2, but it doesn't really do anything for yourself now, does it? When you perceive weaknesses in yourself that are lacking in other people, the thing to do is to improve yourself. Use them as motivation to eliminate your weaknesses instead of just accepting it and becoming a spineless loser.

Young people should always look at the competition and concentrate on making themselves better than the rest, or society would be full of deadbeats and couch potatoes.

His version of extreme suckiness:
A while back, I was speaking to a group of teenagers at a conference, and I'll never forget the question posed by one young man. He said: "It seems that everyone has more to offer than I do. I envy the guys who are better looking than I am, or more athletic, or smarter. I just don't measure up. How can I deal with my own insecurities?" The problem he was describing is a common one among young men and women. Even at a young age, our self-image is shaped by how we stack up against our peers. It's not how tall we are that matters - it's who is the tallest. It's not how fast we can run - it's who runs fastest. It's not how smart we are - it's who is the smartest. Thus begins a pattern of self-doubt that often becomes all-consuming during adolescence. The answer I gave that young man is one that many teenagers need to hear: When you pit yourself against the best and brightest, you are merely setting yourself up for failure.

My version of total ruleness:
I was reading about this doctor who was speaking to a group of teenagers at a conference, and apparently this wimpy dude asked him: "It seems that everyone has more to offer than I do. I envy the guys who are better looking than I am, or more athletic, or smarter. I just don't measure up. How can I deal with my own insecurities?" The answer that he gave that young man was complete nonsense: When you pit yourself against the best and brightest, you are merely setting yourself up for failure.

I wouldn't be surprised if that young man killed himself after that conference. I mean, seriously, the bugger already has an inferiority complex, and here you are, confirming his suspicions that he isn't the best and the brightest. What kind of a doctor are you, anyway? You might as well have told him: You really aren't good enough, young man. In fact, I can already see that you're going to be a total loser all your life. Why don't you just end it all now?

That may actually be true, but that's not the point. Some grumpy dude once said this. There are three kinds of people in the world: winners, losers and fighters. Winners annoy me with their arrogance, losers annoy me with their whining and fighters annoy me with their stupidity.

Ok, that may not actually be relevant to the topic at hand, but isn't it cool? Here's another one: Behind every dark cloud is a sun waiting to boil you to death.

Fuckin' A. Anyway, moving along, what that young man is, is a loser. My answer would have really been something many teenagers need to hear. I would have quoted grumpy dude saying #1 to him, then told him that he's being a loser and to stop whining and do something about his inadequacies. Let's face it, all men may be equal in the eyes of God, but some are just more equal than others. If you aren't one of those with good genes, the least you can do is fake it and try to better yourself. Anything beats whining about it all day long and annoying other people with your emotional baggage, motherfucker.

His sayings of extreme loserness:
Mental health begins with an acceptance of life as it is and a willingness to make the most of the unique strengths and talents you've been given. When that is achieved, comparison with others is no longer a relevant issue.

My sage (and onions) retort:
If that is mental health, then I'd rather be insane. Acceptance is for weaklings and underachievers. Maybe you don't need to be the best in every fucking thing, but if you like doing something and someone is better than you at it, you'd bloody well better improve yourself until you're the fucking best there is or die trying. Even when you're the best, you should be constantly comparing yourself with the competition and trying to get even farther ahead, because that's life, and life's a struggle. Carpe diem.

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Note that I do not practise what I preach, because I was born a winner. So if you do die trying to follow my advice, it's because of your own stupidity and no responsibility of mine.

By the way, the Big Fuck wrote a hilarious entry today, because apparently he has been drinking. Thank God for alcohol.  ¶
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