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Tuesday, April 12, 2005
The One With The Chinablack Outing

Sheena has written a fine post about our Chinablack outing. However, I feel that perhaps she has not been accurate about a few points. This could perhaps have been due to modesty on her part, being unwilling to reveal just how much we kicked ass there. Hence, here at I Rock, You Suck, Don A.Q. shall present the truth and nothing but the unembellished, unvarnished truth in all its glory. It has frikkin dragons in it, so keep your ears (figuratively speaking) peeled. Also, although I am fully confident in my own beauty without the additional aid of digital enhancements, I feel that it was perhaps not fair to the others, who lack my natural beauty, to have been shown on the internet without them. I have therefore taken the liberty of enhancing the pictures taken on that fateful night. Besides, digitally enhancing your own fucking pictures has become such a fashionable thing to do, and the last thing we at I Rock, You Suck would want readers to think is that we're not trendy people.

Remember, Feisty Bitch, Ivan and Sheena, that this was all done for your sakes. So be suitably appreciative of my efforts, you ingrates. Enough of the appetisers, let's proceed with the main course.

From the moment we walked into Pacific Plaza, it was apparent that we were the fucking coolest people there. You can see evidence of this in the picture Sheena took of the Feisty Bitch and I.

Compare the digitally enhanced image above with the original image below.

I'm sure you'll agree that the differences are subtle but telling. Since the changes are so slight as to be well nigh unnoticeable, I shall elaborate on what I have done. Here, I have given the Feisty Bitch and myself glasses and moustaches, because glasses make you look smart and moustaches are so fucking cool, as I'm sure you'll agree. Note the artistry behind the digital enhancement. I have given the Feisty Bitch a thin, wispy and sexy moustache because she is a female, while I've given myself a thick, bushy one with a goatee to enhance my masculinity.

After Ivan arrived, Sheena snapped a picture of him, too. Here's the original picture.

As Sheena said, it was an unflattering angle, so I just had to do something about it before displaying it here. Nothing else would have satisfied my urge to make the Techno Prince look like a real prince.

As you can see, he now looks like a major badass because of the fucking eyepatch I gave him. I'm sure you'll all agree that he now looks truly ready to rock the joint, and who says princes can't be badass pirates as well?

Inside the club, the Feisty Bitch helped the three of us to take a picture as well. Here's the original, unglamorous us.

Pretty boring, eh? Now, here's the digitally enhanced, yet still us, us. Because digital enhancement in no way presents an unrealistic picture of yourself to other people.

Personally, I felt that Ivan still really looked decent in spite of the eyepatch, so in order to make him look even more badass, I have given him frikkin horns as well. Now he not only looks like a pirate, he also looks horny as well. Literally. I'm sure we can all agree that horny is, if not all the way, then at least halfway to being sexy. Sorry, ladies, but this hunk of lovin' is currently taken. Do stay tuned to I Rock, You Suck for updates, though.

As for Sheena, I thought that she looked altogether too jolly to be sexy, since we all know that in these troubled times, pensive people ooze sex appeal. Hence, I decided to give her a few missing front teeth for that *abused girlfriend look. Isn't she so much hotter now? Of course she is. You can thank me for this after I return from my trip to Siberia, Sheena dear. Why am I going to Siberia, you ask? Well, it is definitely not to avoid other bloggers who may or may not be angry with me for digitally enhancing their pictures.

Definitely not that.

For myself, I've added shades to my badass facial hair, because it totally makes sense to wear shades in a club where it's almost pitch-black. When you're cool, the sun shines on you 24 hours a day, after all.

So anyway, we totally had fun dancing after that, but more importantly, we owned the dance floor. Why do I say "more importantly"? Because as everyone knows, when clubbing, it is not as important to have fun as it is to impress every other jerk and idiot around you with your flashy dance steps and cool facial expressions.

Oh, and there were frikkin dragons.

Well, of course I was going to embellish it beyond all semblance of reality and indeed, plausibility. Why the fuck would I recount the night's events when Sheena has already so nicely done it for me? Seriously, if this account of the night's events doesn't satisfy you (and there's no reason why it should not because I am so totally fucking badass), go read hers. Sheena recounted the actual events pretty well, I think. I'd give you another Coolness Point, Sheena, but I only have one Brownie Point. Well, actually, it's getting kinda late and I have to work tomorrow.

Here's a genuinely funny (I think) picture, anyway.

This guy was going around taking pictures to be posted online on some Singaporean nightlife site or something, and Ivan got his picture taken. While he was taking the picture, I decided it would be a good gag to pop out from behind his shoulder. Also on that site is a picture of the Feisty Bitch and I, with me looking rather bloated, which I didn't post.

I'm vain. Sue me.

Knowing you lazy bastards, you probably can't be bothered to seek out that picture. Of course, now that I may have piqued your curiousity, some of you will go dig it out, but whatever.

*As far as I know, Andy does not abuse Sheena.
OMG! I never knew I can look this sexy with a moustache. I'm going to start growing one now.
Sounds like a blast you guys had there huh..

Ad, Oh dear ur gf gonna grow moustache. how lidat..
chiobu with moustache?
Feisty Bitch: I'm helping you apply whiskey on your upper lip rightaway (it aids hair growth).

Celle: I'm helping her apply whiskey on her upper lip rightaway! I like ticklish kisses. =_=

Both: And shouldn't you guys be studying or something??
I think you will finish drinking it. Or lick it off my upper lip before I can grow one.
Dude, couldn't you have given me a moustache rather than some missing front teeth? You suck.
I look awful in that picture.

Note to self: next time someone takes my photo while clubbing, I must act cool and pose better, not stand there and smile lile a bloody goondu because the photographer is wasting my time while a favourite song of mine plays.

And yeah, they had frikkin' dragons! But you missed out the ninjas and lasers! Awesome!
Sheena: And swallow as well!

Ivan: Hot damn, I forgot about the ninjas and lasers because of the frikkin dragons!
haha, drawing moustaches on people is the rulest.

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To Those Who Wish To Link Me:

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Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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