The One With The Chinablack Outing
has written a fine post
about our Chinablack outing. However, I feel that perhaps she has not been accurate about a few points. This could perhaps have been due to modesty on her part, being unwilling to reveal just how much we kicked ass there. Hence, here at I Rock, You Suck, Don A.Q. shall present the truth and nothing but the unembellished, unvarnished truth in all its glory. It has frikkin dragons in it, so keep your ears (figuratively speaking) peeled. Also, although I am fully confident in my own beauty without the additional aid of digital enhancements, I feel that it was perhaps not fair to the others, who lack my natural beauty, to have been shown on the internet without them. I have therefore taken the liberty of enhancing the pictures taken on that fateful night. Besides, digitally enhancing your own fucking pictures has become such a fashionable thing to do, and the last thing we at I Rock, You Suck would want readers to think is that we're not trendy people.
Remember, Feisty Bitch
and Sheena, that this was all done for your sakes. So be suitably appreciative of my efforts, you ingrates. Enough of the appetisers, let's proceed with the main course.
From the moment we walked into Pacific Plaza, it was apparent that we were the fucking coolest people there. You can see evidence of this in the picture Sheena took of the Feisty Bitch and I.
Compare the digitally enhanced image above with the original image below.
I'm sure you'll agree that the differences are subtle but telling. Since the changes are so slight as to be well nigh unnoticeable, I shall elaborate on what I have done. Here, I have given the Feisty Bitch and myself glasses and moustaches, because glasses make you look smart and moustaches are so fucking cool, as I'm sure you'll agree. Note the artistry behind the digital enhancement. I have given the Feisty Bitch a thin, wispy and sexy moustache because she is a female, while I've given myself a thick, bushy one with a goatee to enhance my masculinity.
After Ivan arrived, Sheena snapped a picture of him, too. Here's the original picture.
As Sheena said, it was an unflattering angle, so I just had to do something about it before displaying it here. Nothing else would have satisfied my urge to make the Techno Prince look like a real prince.
As you can see, he now looks like a major badass because of the fucking eyepatch I gave him. I'm sure you'll all agree that he now looks truly ready to rock the joint, and who says princes can't be badass pirates as well?
Inside the club, the Feisty Bitch helped the three of us to take a picture as well. Here's the original, unglamorous us.
Pretty boring, eh? Now, here's the digitally enhanced, yet still us, us. Because digital enhancement in no way presents an unrealistic picture of yourself to other people.
Personally, I felt that Ivan still really looked decent in spite of the eyepatch, so in order to make him look even more badass, I have given him frikkin horns as well. Now he not only looks like a pirate, he also looks horny as well. Literally. I'm sure we can all agree that horny is, if not all the way, then at least halfway to being sexy. Sorry, ladies, but this hunk of lovin' is currently taken. Do stay tuned to I Rock, You Suck for updates, though.
As for Sheena, I thought that she looked altogether too jolly to be sexy, since we all know that in these troubled times, pensive people ooze sex appeal. Hence, I decided to give her a few missing front teeth for that *abused girlfriend look. Isn't she so much hotter now? Of course she is. You can thank me for this after I return from my trip to Siberia, Sheena dear. Why am I going to Siberia, you ask? Well, it is definitely not to avoid other bloggers who may or may not be angry with me for digitally enhancing their pictures.
Definitely not that.
For myself, I've added shades to my badass facial hair, because it totally makes sense to wear shades in a club where it's almost pitch-black. When you're cool, the sun shines on you 24 hours a day, after all.
So anyway, we totally had fun dancing after that, but more importantly, we owned the dance floor. Why do I say "more importantly"? Because as everyone knows, when clubbing, it is not as important to have fun as it is to impress every other jerk and idiot around you with your flashy dance steps and cool facial expressions.
Oh, and there were frikkin dragons.
Well, of course I was going to embellish it beyond all semblance of reality and indeed, plausibility. Why the fuck would I recount the night's events when Sheena has already so nicely done it
for me? Seriously, if this account of the night's events doesn't satisfy you (and there's no reason why it should not because I am so totally fucking badass), go read hers. Sheena recounted the actual events pretty well, I think. I'd give you another Coolness Point, Sheena, but I only have one Brownie Point. Well, actually, it's getting kinda late and I have to work tomorrow.
Here's a genuinely funny (I think) picture, anyway.
This guy was going around taking pictures to be posted online on some Singaporean nightlife site or something, and Ivan got his picture taken. While he was taking the picture, I decided it would be a good gag to pop out from behind his shoulder. Also on that site is a picture of the Feisty Bitch and I, with me looking rather bloated, which I didn't post.
I'm vain. Sue me.
Knowing you lazy bastards, you probably can't be bothered to seek out that picture. Of course, now that I may have piqued your curiousity, some of you will go dig it out, but whatever.*As far as I know, Andy does not abuse Sheena.