I look like a camel.
This has nothing to do with the rest of the post, but it is something random that just occurred to me. It bothered me at the time, but I think I did not blog it because I did not have a blog then. Anyway, you know the not-so-recent James Bond movie starring Pierce Brosnan and Halle Berry? I was just recalling how, at the start of the show, he was captured by The Enemy and tortured for Information. The way in which they tortured him was pure crap. I mean, seriously. Dousing his head in a bucket of water? Beating him with clubs? Pinching his nipples with tweezers? Passing electric currents through his balls? Come on, he probably enjoyed some of them.
Ok, so I made the last two tortures up, but still, if someone really wanted to keep something from you, do you think merely soaking his hair and thumping him a little is going to get him to squeal? I think not. If I were The Enemy, I would have done far worse things to him. Also, what kind of idiot would pass up the chance to permanently ruin a POW? I mean, this prisoner only happens to be the enemy's top secret agent and Britain's most powerful weapon. Bear in mind that these guys were supposed to be part of the frikkin' Axis of Evil, as Mr. Dubya has so melodramatically labelled them. So it was sort of surprising that they treated their prisoners with such TLC, in order to facilitate his being released in the prime of health so that he could come back and kick their collective goddamned idiot asses.
I mean, if I were running the show, I'd have warmed up by snipping off his fingers one at a time. After every five digits, I'd put out an eye. Then, I'd continue by smashing his toes. Every man has a breaking point, and it's usually before he's lost all his fucking limbs. And even if the fucker doesn't squeal, then at least he will most definitely no longer be able to serve the enemy cause.
Hey, Hollywood. Here's a tip. Just don't let your heroes get caught. If you absolutely must, then at least let them squeal or escape before they've lost too many appendages.
Meanings of acronyms, you stupid dipshits:
POW - Prisoner Of War
TLC - T-Boz, Left Eye and Chilli. Just kidding. Actually, it's Tender, Loving Care.
I know that most of you think that I'm a very serious person, judging from the tone of my blog posts. Indeed, I am a person who does not delight in frivolous pursuits such as gaming, drinking, wenching, gambling or socialising. I am almost wholly preoccupied with the larger issues in life, such as politics, environmentalism, overpopulation, etc.
I think all this is obvious by now.
However, there are two more things about me which are not that commonly known. Do you want to know about them? Of course you do. After all, what could possibly be more fascinating than discovering more about the intriguing enigma wrapped in a riddle, soaked in secret sauce that is Don A.Q.?
- I do not like to take pictures.
- I do not like to smile.
I do not like to take pictures because I expect to be very famous someday. Therefore, my pictures will be valuable in future and I do not want any friends of mine possessing pictures of me to be able to cash in on them, the cheap bastards. And yes, most of my friends do fit that description. The reasons why I bother with them is a whole other story and would consume entire books, so do not ask me about it.
I do not like to smile because I think smiling is overrated. Seriously, what is there to smile about? Firstly, smiling gives you wrinkles. Secondly, it makes you look less intimidating, and we all know how important it is for Evil Overlords to look intimidating, right, children? Of course we do. Lastly, given the state of the larger issues I mentioned in the first paragraph of this post, I think that anyone who smiles all the damned time is most probably retarded.
So anyway, I was out with Feisty Bitch
, and she wanted to take a couple of pictures of us together before she leaves for Australia again. Due to the fact that she's one of the few people in the world today whom I would trust with my pictures, I consented. So we took a picture together, and when she looked at it she was dissatisfied with the result. Therefore, she made me take another picture and told me to show my teeth this time.
Being a person who is so serious and devoid of humour, I naturally took her at her word and showed my teeth.
As you can all see, although I couldn't for the life of me figure out why she would want a picture of me showing my teeth, I complied with her request to the best of my ability. She is such a lucky girl to have such a nice boyfriend.