I stomp on your sacred fucking cows. Or crocs.
So my brother was telling me about this show he saw on the National Geographic channel. There was this tribe of people who worshipped crocodiles, and they cut or burnt (forgot which) themselves so that they would have raised ridges of skin on their back when they healed. Just like crocodiles. Being the biggest asshole on the face of this planet, I immediately thought it would be funny if LEWD went there in force, wearing leather boots and carrying leather bags.

We'd point at our shoes and go, "Hey guys, check this out. Your god is my shoe."

I can already hear some members of major religions chuckling at my joke. They really shouldn't. I respect crocodiles way more than I respect most of your gods. Let's face it. The people who wrote your holy books were just as primitive and ignorant as the crocodile worshippers.

In conclusion, everyone should convert to the worship of Me. It's the religion that makes the most sense.  ¶
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