The Sound Of Music
MP3 players are God's gift to commuters. Well, actually, I don't really know about commuters per se, but speaking for myself, I am a grumpy commuter. I hate crowds. Everytime I'm caught in a crowd, I catch myself thinking, "why the fuck does there have to be so many
of them?!" It's always them
, of course. They
are the fuckers. Think about it. Since when has things fucked themselves up for you without them
That guy on the bus without a spine periodically prodding the back of your seat with his knees, thereby preventing you from falling asleep, even though you're comfortably lying back in your seat with your knees resting on the back of the seat in front of you? Definitely one of them
. The guy sitting in front of you who complains that you're prodding the back of his seat? You guessed it. One of them
I mean, they
even molest our chicks at parties . . .
However, I digress. I was talking about commuting. Sometimes, I don't even get to sit because there are way too many people on the bus. Standing, by itself, is tolerable since I'm not a wuss, but I can't stand it when people invade my personal space (which is basically a sphere with me at the center and a radius of 500 metres). It is during such times that perpetrating chainsaw massacres suddenly seems absolutely rational. After all, the world won't miss a few of them
This is why MP3 players are an absolute godsend. I put on the fucking headphones, fucks yeah. Then, I turn the volume way up, to the threshold of causing actual physical pain, and voila! Instant nirvana. The voice of the woefully departed prodigy Tupac Shakur proclaiming his intention of singlehandedly killing all the niggas on the east coast soothes my soul and drives away my urge to start feeding everyone around me knuckle sandwiches. The sounds of Bon Jovi wailing about the plight of Tommy and Gina tells me that perhaps my life doesn't suck after all.
And Dio telling me that, as a Holy Diver, I've been down way too long in the midnight sea makes me think that maybe, just maybe, I should get more sleep at night so I won't end up always sleeping on the bus.
Or perhaps I should just ride the tiger instead of the goddamned bus.