Everytime I say I'm going on sabbatical . . .
. . . something makes me come back.
So, I was in school today, and this guy shoves some small magazine with a picture of Mona Lisa on the cover (along with the title of . . . let's just say it's a best-selling book about to be made into a movie) at me. Being a nice person who always helps pamphlet-pushers dispose of their burdens, I took one. I thought he was from some movie club or something and was promoting the movie. He asked me if I had read the book and if I was going to watch the movie. I told him that I had read the book but that I probably wasn't going to watch the movie. He then asked me if I would do a small survey.
Since I was waiting for a friend to have lunch with me and had a few minutes, I thought, why not? Surprise, surprise, it was actually some Krischun shit. Seriously, I have nothing against Krischuns doing the Krischun thang, so long as they don't do it in public. You see, so worried was this group of upstanding Krischuns by the success of the book and the possible repercussion on the mental state of the wretched flock that they took the time and the money (which, by the way, would have been better spent aiding famine-stricken countries, discovering a cure for AIDS or even saving the fucking whales) to do up this snazzy-looking pamphlet in order to edumacate the general public about the "facts" behind the story.
Of course, the pamphlet was full of quotes from "authorities" who happened to mostly be Krischuns vouching for the authenticity of their precious Holey Book. Just for good measure, they threw in a few quotes from the Holey Book, the veracity of which they were trying to defend, to prove the veracity of the Holey Book (QED). If this sounds absolutely ridiculous to you, congratulations, you're able to reason.
As I have said, I have nothing against Krischuns, and I am not anti-Krischun or anti-God in any way. In fact, I love God, because I happen to believe that He is Me, and if you haven't twigged that I'm a narcissist by now, you're stupid. The reason why I believe that God is Me is because of the following:
I always used to lie awake at night praying to God until one day, I realised that I was only talking to myself.
Yeah, I've always loved that one. Right, before I digressed, I was saying that I have nothing against Krischuns, but I really think they should do it in the privacy of their own homes or in one of those church thingies. I mean, seriously, the people who do believe in the Holey Book aren't likely to just change their minds because of some stupid novel, and even if you absolutely must
convince them (why is that?) in order to ensure that someone keeps contributing to the church coffers, well, you could just spread your insidious propaganda in your church thingy, couldn't you? Why bother the rest of us? I mean, by the same token, those of us who do not believe probably had our own good reasons even before this novel came along. I myself find the massacre of an entire city with a population of 12,000 (men, women and children included) on the express orders of God particularly . . . distasteful, as it were.
My God is way nicer and would never do such a thing.
In conclusion, I was ambivalent about this whole Best-Selling Novel versus Holey Book thing before you guys came along. Your Divine Intervention just made you look like a bunch of people who built a house out of a stack of cards and who have just felt the beginnings of a breeze.
Now, before you throw a hissy fit after reading this, remember that I haven't mentioned any groups, gods, books or novels by names other than those I made up myself. However, if the crazy shoe fits, feel free to kick yourself with it.