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Thursday, August 03, 2006
Spammers are so misunderstood.

Now, this is what you think a spammer looks like, right?

Wrong! I used to be like you guys. I thought that spammers were the lowest scum of the earth. Now, however, I have realised the error of my ways. Spammers are really just honest people trying to help the rest of the world with great products, touching stories and jokes. How did I discover this rarely-understood fact? Well, just for one day, I read every spam email in my inbox and tried every product offered, and get this, it's all true!!

Yes, because of spam, I am now extremely wealthy, because I have subscribed to a newsletter which gives me stock updates before they actually occur. I can get much harder with more girth, and I can sustain an erection far longer than any mere mortal should be able to because I get shitloads of Viagra in every conceivable colour, fucks yeah. I get house loans whenever the mood strikes me, and I mortgage the houses whenever I get tired of them. I have, like, 300 degrees and diplomas from universities in almost every country in the fucking world. Most of them you've probably never even heard of!

Yes, spam has been good to me, which is why I'm now sitting pretty, posting from a yacht in the Mediterranean, with a harem of supermodels and Japanese race queens attending to me. And because of spam, I can get harder with more girth and bang them all as long as they want!

So hurry, read your spam too, and you could have a fabulous life just like mine!

Man, I hate spammers. So very, very much.
Arh, you left out the "cheap software offer" spam. Is they any nigeria royalty on your yacht trying to ask request a fund transfer?
Yes, I forgot to mention that I'm using Windows Vista and Longhorn right now and I got them both in a bundle for 20 bucks. And yes, the Nigerian prince has already safely obtained asylum and rewarded me accordingly!
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Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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