Van Helsing sucks ass
Oh yeah, I watched Van Helsing on Wednesday night. Let's see, it sucked balls. The plot was ridiculous. There was Frankenstein's monster, there were werewolves, there was Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde and there was Dracula. What the fuck? The hero and heroine can survive impacts from falls that would break every bone in their bodies. Ok, the villain is Dracula, who can only die if a werewolf kills him, and the protagonist turns into a werewolf, kills Drac and is cured of the werewolf curse which the heroine dies trying to give it to him. The heroine is descended from the same ancestor as Dracula was and her family's souls cannot go to heaven until Drac is killed because of an oath sworn by their ancestor (the father of Dracula).

There, now that I've given you the spoilers, perhaps less amongst you humble readers will go watch it and waste your money. Yeah, that's how swell a guy I am. The movie sucked. Oh, the above spoilers may seem to make no sense and look pretty messy, but believe me, the movie made as little sense as that, if not less. Now, fuck off.  ¶
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