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Friday, October 29, 2004
Covering your ass by putting your head into it makes you look stupid

Pretty recently, I was feeling a little under the weather and having a runny nose. Yes, us gods do get sick too. Yes, there is, in fact, such a thing as divine sniffles. Laugh it up, you fucking dickheads. Yes, "haw haw haw". Morons. The microbes that gave me the sniffles would probably have killed a lesser mortal. Anyway, I digress.

So I got me some flu tablets, which is all fine and good, right? So far so cool. Out of idle curiousity, however, I took a look at the attached directions. Adults should take two tablets three or four times a day. Supposedly, it relieves runny noses and headaches. Then, I took a look at the side effects. Holy fucking shit. Apparently, these innocent-seeming tablets can give you a whole slew of shitty sucky symptoms. Asinine alliterations aside, the possible side effects included anxiety, psychotic behaviour and, get this, headaches!

I mean, the rest I could deal with, but come on, the tablets were supposed to relieve headaches but they could also potentially cause headaches? I thought that was the one side effect that they couldn't possibly have. Yes, to cure my headache, I apparently have to put up with another headache. It's sort of like God sacrificing Himself to Himself to circumvent a rule He made Himself. Oh, wait...

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Of course, I understand only too well that these side effects mostly never happen, and of course I took the tablets anyway because my nose was on the verge of falling off. I know that the side effects were merely put there by the pharmaceutical company that manufactured the pills to cover their own asses. But come on, enough is enough. Getting a headache to cure a headache is just plain ridiculous, isn't it? I see this as final, irrefutable, clinching proof that the world has finally gone off its fucking rocker. Congratulations, people. You are all insane. I feel like the dude in the *Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy series who saw instructions on a toothpick wrapper. Yes, maybe I should change my name to Adrian The Sane.

On a totally unrelated note, someone just bought me cheesecake out of the blue. You know who you are, bitch. Thank you so very much. The gesture is much appreciated. *wink*

Coffee Bean's Chicago Cheese Cake totally kicks ass, y'all. Seriously, if you haven't tried it, go try it. Your lives will never be the same again after that. Of course, if you're already fat, the shit will probably ruin your lives.

*If you haven't read this outstanding series, go shoot yourself in the fucking head
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The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
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Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
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Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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