The truth about cats and dogs.
I was on my way back from walking my girl home today and I was lost in thought. I wasn't as alert as I usually was, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw something streaking at me. Now, I may not have been 100% aware of my surroundings at the time, but my reflexes were still as sharp as ever. I sidestepped said streaking object deftly and slammed my foot into it with perfect aiming. The object gave a yelp, sailed over some bushes and landed on the road, where a car promptly ran over it.

It was only then that I realised that I had just murdered a puppy. Way cool. The owner, some fat bitch walking her dog, was rather pissed about it and she hysterically berated me for my act of self-defence. I calmly explained to her that

1) dogs are stupid and that she shouldn't have been keeping one in the first place,
2) if she was walking a hyper-active dog, she should have kept it on a leash so that it couldn't surprise one with acute instincts of self-preservation such as I and
3) she should have kept a cat, because cats

a) don't try to jump complete strangers and
b) would have been fast enough to dodge my kick.

Needless to say, the hoe wasn't listening at all, and by that time, a crowd had gathered around us and everyone was pointing fingers at me. I mean, come on, it was just a fucking puppy. What's more, it was a puppy that tried to jump me. The lady's voice was starting to grate on my nerves, so I gave her the best cure for hysterics that I knew. In other words, I gave her a good, tight slap to wake her up.

Instead of thanking me for curing her embarrassing public display of emotions, however, the bitch got even madder and tried to hit me! People these days just don't appreciate good deeds anymore. I blocked her clumsy punch and kicked her in the belly, and she just crumpled to the ground, the weakling. I chuckled good-naturedly at her weakness, and the crowd seemed somewhat quieter now. Then, someone tried to pin me from behind. It was the fat bitch's ungrateful husband. Couldn't he see that I was just helping him discipline his wife? Naturally, I wasn't standing for any of that protective hubby bullshit. I headbutted him, turned around, grabbed his head with both hands, and pulled it down, smashing it onto my knee.

The bugger proved no more resilient than his wife was, and sagged to the ground like the pussy that he was. I mean, I probably only gave him a cracked skull. They just don't make men like they used to these days. The hapless couple looked so stupid lying there on the ground bruised and bleeding that I damn near split my sides laughing. It was at that point that I noticed another dog nuzzling its fallen owner. Figuring that two wrongs did not make a left, I kicked the second dog into the traffic too. This time, I was fully focussed on the deed and could actually see how funny it looked as it sailed through the air. I laughed so loud, the people in the cars on the road probably heard me. The crowd had dispersed by then, probably bored with the couple's hysterics. I figured, however, that some busybody had probably called the cops, and since I did not really like talking to cops, I left the scene, whistling, in a much better mood than I had been before. I love killing puppies. All in all, it's been a good day.

They really should have kept cats.  ¶
Permalink

If you don't like what I say, why not subscribe me for some porn?