Why some people are boring and what they can do about it.
I was just watching Troy again the other day and the thought crossed my mind that Eric Bana must have offended the director of the movie big time. Let's face it, the person he was obliged to snog in the movie (because she played his wife) was butt-ugly. I mean, Orlando Fairy Bloom gets Helen of Sparta Troy and Eric gets the skinny old hag? Poor dude. Anyway, that is not the point of this post. It was just an inane observation. For all I know, she may be one hell of a kisser.

Sometime within the past few days, I was reading my previous posts and I realised anew that my blog kicks ass. I'm sorry, but I'm very talented. As evidence, I refer you to my posts on self-help, right and wrong, what makes a good blog and life and death, just to name a few. I must honestly say that I have never seen anyone who writes as well as I do. Yep, I rule. Totally. However, that, too, is not the point of this post, save in the general sort of way that every post in this blog was written with the express purpose of praising and glorifying Me.

The point of this post is that I would like to confirm something that many self-help people have already said. Now, now, hear me out before protesting. I have my own reasons for doing so, and I also have my own unique perspective on this, as usual. The observation that I would make is this: your life, no matter what you do for a living or what you are able to afford, is only as interesting as you are, within certain reasonable limits. By "reasonable limits" I mean that you have to be born healthy and in an affluent country. For example, that if you were born deaf, mute, blind and crippled, it would be extremely difficult for you to lead an interesting life. Or if you were born in a country where the only thing people do is look for their next meals, it would be deucedly hard for you to lead an interesting life too.

However, since you are reading my blog, you have access to the internet and presumably have some extra time on your hands, and I think it is therefore a reasonable assumption that you belong to the category of people I'm talking about. As I was saying, your life is only as interesting as your personality is. Take me, for example. If you step back and take a serious look at my life so far, you'd see that I don't really do much interesting stuff. No, seriously, see beyond your hero-worship and consider the glimpses of my life that I have exposed here on my blog. Allow me to sum up what I do for you, humble reader. I read, eat, sleep, shit, fuck, smoke and drink. There's nothing really extraordinary there. I have acquaintances far richer than I, who are able to afford to do many more things, but who complain about how life is boring and that nothing excites them.

Personally, I call it a lack of imagination on their part. I live life with zest because I am an interesting person, and I find the world to be an interesting place, with lots of interesting things to do and lots of stupid people to torment. When I become interested in something, I am very enthusiastic about it and pursue it with confidence and gusto. It is no wonder people enjoy being around me so much that they would actually pay for my company. Oh, I don't mean that they pay me money. I mean that when I'm broke, for example, and my friends ask me to go clubbing, they'll offer to pay for me. Actually, some of them have been almost complete strangers.

Yes, that's how much I kick ass. I mean, I do not have a car, I do not have money, and I do not have a vagina, so there's really no angle for heterosexual males to do that kind of thing for me. Anyway, back to the topic. The point that I am trying to make is that if you put an interesting person and a boring person in the same situation, the interesting person would make it sound interesting and notice more things, while the boring person would make it sound boring. Many self-help books aim to teach losers who can't get laid this simple fact, but these authors fail to see the point, and here comes my unique perspective.

The point is that this shit cannot be taught! You see, being boring is like being born without a limb. No, actually, being interesting is like being born with an extra limb, since far more people are boring than interesting. Sure, those without can get a prosthetic limb or mix around with interesting people and do the stuff they do, but in the end, left to their own devices, the extra limb is still not a part of their bodies and they are still boring. So if you're boring, as you probably are, and other people don't like your company, humble reader, tough. There's nothing I can do to help you and nothing you can do to help yourself either, except maybe kill yourself and hope reincarnation happens and that you will be reborn as an interesting person in your next life. Maybe if you fuck up something badly enough and make me laugh at you hard enough, I will actually allow you to hang out with me for a couple of minutes and bring some color to your otherwise drab, depressing existence.  ¶
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