Exorcist: The Beginning. No spoilers, so quit worrying, you bitches.
I just watched Exorcist: The Beginning. On the whole, it sucked. The show is about this guy named Lankester Merrin, who used to be a Catholic priest, but who has since lost his faith. He is approached by some other guy to investigate the unearthing of this Byzantine church which was supposedly built on the site where Lucifer fell to earth after he was banished from Heaven. So according to the show, there was, in fact, a demon there, and Lankester had to find his faith again in order to combat this great evil. This all sounds well and good, right? A nice little tale of good versus evil with the moral of the story being that if you have faith in God, evil will be defeated at the end of the day.

Ah, but here come the bummers. Firstly, Lankester was supposed to have lost his faith, not his fucking wits, right? Supposedly, he'd become some sort of atheist after a traumatic incident under the Nazis. In the show, however, he was given numerous signs that something out of the ordinary was happening, but he totally ignored them. For example, there was this scene where a pack of hyenas were tearing some pesky kid apart, and Lankester shot at the hyenas. Normal animals would have scattered even at the sound of the shot, but these hyenas kept right on chewing the brat up even after getting shot. There was another brat on the scene, but the beasts totally ignored him. To Lankester, apparently, this was a perfectly natural occurrence.

Then again, when Lankester was making out with this chick in a hospital or something, this bed moved of its own accord and still he did not think anything supernatural was happening. The kid on the bed, though having convulsions, could not possibly have moved the bed that much, because firstly he did not have enough body weight, and secondly, he had no contact with the ground or walls and hence had no leverage whatsoever. Even Forrest Gump would have twigged that something peculiar was going on, but no-o-o-o, our hero thinks pieces of metal furniture jumping around are perfectly normal.

After the episode of the killer hyenas, any normal thinking person would have been wary of them, right? Not Lankester, though. He goes around digging up graves alone in the middle of the night without even thinking to bring a fucking gun. As if Lankester wasn't stupid enough, the script writers decided to up the stupidity factor a notch by making the Devil himself a moron as well. Lankester went poking around in dark corners like 500 times in the show, and Lucifer missed all those chances to do him in. I mean, come on, when he went poking around in the church, Lucifer could just have fucking caused a cave-in to do him in. If that was beyond him, surely the tried and tested hyenas wouldn't have been beyond his ability to use?

If God was protecting him, why did God not protect the other priest, who hadn't lost his faith? What was the fucking message the movie was trying to convey anyway? That God will triumph over evil? He did not, really. In the end, Lankester did manage to drive the demon out of the doctor chick, but in the whole fucking valley (where most of the show took place) only Lankester and one brat survived. Wow, the Devil virtually exterminates an entire valley of basically good people, including a priest, and God manages to save one boy and one priest who had lost his faith. What exactly was God trying to accomplish here? Are we all pawns to be sacrificed as and when God deems fit in some sort of cosmic chess game? Lankester sees an entire valley wipe themselves out, did not even manage to save the possessed chick, and his faith was restored? I had no idea God favours half-wits.

The directors did not even have the decency to have the chick flash her tits. I am utterly disgusted.

Ah well, and now we come to the plus points of the show.

1) The carving of the Devil vaguely resembled E.T. I thought it was cute.

Oh, I guess I lied about the spoilers.  ¶
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