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Monday, May 30, 2005
 
I'm Totally Psyched About This Abortion!

Since I can't really be arsed to blog on a Sunday night (or most other nights these days, it seems), I shall leave you guys with this gem from The Onion.




I know, I know, I've heard all the arguments: Abortion stops a beating heart. It's a child, not a choice. Every life is precious. Well, I don't care what the pro-lifers say... I am totally psyched for this abortion!

Like I said, my decision to terminate my pregnancy isn't for lack of hearing the opposing view. I'm exposed to pro-life messages all the time—on billboards, in magazines and on television. And I certainly didn't miss that angry crowd of picketers shouting at me as I was happily skipping to the women's health clinic to make the appointment for my big day. Those pro-life activists made it pretty clear that, unlike me, they actually think abortion is bad and to be avoided. Are they nuts? Abortion is the best!

As I pushed my way through the crowd, one of the picketers yelled, "How could you do this? How could you kill a child?" What? It's more like, "How could I wait this long?" It wasn't until now that I was lucky enough to be pregnant with a child I had no means to support. I tell you, for a long time, I thought it would never happen to me!

So, to all of you pro-lifers who are trying to rain on my parade, keep it to yourself, because I don't have the time for that kind of negativity. I've got an abortion to plan, and I just know it's going to be the best non-anesthetized invasive uterine surgery ever!

The funny thing is, I actually have the pro-life movement to thank for this opportunity. If my HMO wouldn't have bowed to their pressure not to cover oral contraceptives, I never would've gotten pregnant in the first place. Then what would I be doing a week from Thursday? I'll tell you what I wouldn't be doing: going to an awesome abortion clinic where I'll be the center of attention from the minute I put my feet up in those stirrups. I wouldn't be looking forward to induced dilation of my cervical opening and suctioning of my uterus, either. And I sure as heck wouldn't get the chance to have a doctor insert a metal instrument into my womb to dislodge tissue from my uterine wall!

I seriously cannot wait for all the hemorrhaging and the uterine contractions. This abortion is going to be so amazing. I'm definitely taking lots of pictures so I can remember every last detail of the whole experience for years to come and share my great memories with all of my friends, family and co-workers. What an easy decision this was!

I realize there are people who will criticize me, calling me selfish and immature because I took "the easy way out." I realize there are those who will condemn me to hell for what I'm about to do. Well, I don't care what they say: It's worth it for all the fun and laughs I'm going to have at the clinic. So listen up, world: I'm pro-abortion... and I love it! See you at my post-abortion party, everybody!
 
Comments:
omg.. bleugh..
u guys are lucky bastards.. no menses, no PMS, no labour...
 
Why people so kaypoh want to tell others how to lead their lives?

Want to abort then abort la! No money cannot really talk about having children. What's the point of giving birth to a child and not being able to provide for it?
 
You know, I realize that I hate those who criticise whatever I do. So I shall make it a point not to be like them. This is perhaps the only thing that I'll do for humanity in general, to make everyone's life around me more pleasant.
 
I've had several friends who went through abortions and were stigmatised by their family and friends. If only those people could read this article. Oh wait, in the first place, they'd be too stupid to get the satire behind it and take it for real.
 
I personally find it best for people to have the freedom to do as they should. Heck, most natural conceptions end up being miscarried anyway, often without the mother even knowing she was ever pregnant in the first place. Are the pro-lifers then supposed to picket 'God' for killing all those balls of cells that MAY have become individual human beings?
 
Yes, this article kicks so much ass I wish I had written it.
 
er, do you realize the The Onion is a satirical paper?
 
Anonymous: No . . . that can't be. When they wrote about Stephen Hawking building an exoskeleton for himself, the picture was so realistic! When they said that dolphins had developed opposable thumbs, I totally believed them. When they published that Jesus had converted to Islam, I was totally convinced too. How could you possibly think that it is a satirical website, you idiot?

Jeez . . . the things I have to put up with here . . .
 
pro-choice is good.
 
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