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Saturday, May 28, 2005
L.E.W.D. Update and Some Random Thoughts

Ok, I linked the blinkymummy, because she's like, soooo cute and also because I happen to like her blog. She was one of the Big Fuck's blog babes. This is the first of the blog babes I'm linking, so go check her blog out. She's cool. I'm so awesomely cool that anyone I think is cool can only be cool, right? By virtue of that fact, I'm cool, because I think I'm cool. Cogito cool, ergo cool. Get it? Heheheheheh. Anyway, this isn't about me (yeah, right), this is about her. So go check her out.

Be warned, though, that she's quite a prolific blogger, and can post like 200-300 entries in a day. Ok, I exaggerated a little. It's probably only about 50 a day.

In today's issue of Today, there was a story about how a transsexual Thai kickboxer will make her theatrical debut in Singapore. I find it strange that this does not apparently have a detrimental effect on our family values, while allowing homosexuals to stage a concert in Singapore does. Even though I have nothing against transsexuals, I must say that accepting their presence in our society would be much more damaging to our putative "family values" than accepting homosexuals would. I mean, at least homosexuals can still have children and hence, a family, through artificial insemination. People with mutilated genitalia can't even HAVE a family.

I really wish those crazy fuckers at the top would make up their fucking minds. What exactly is the message they're sending to us here? It's not ok for you to suck on your friend's dick for shits and giggles, but it's ok for you to help him chop it off? And somehow that is consistent with which set of family values, exactly?


In other news, I learned that Al Qaeda has a fucking website. Was anyone else aware of this? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If they have a website, the server hosting the website can be traced and a look at the server's log files would determine where these people are posting updates from and hence, their general location at least. Why hasn't this been done yet?

And apparently, more than one person has editing rights on the website, because there have been two people posting mutually contradictory stuff and arguing with each other on it. What the fuck? Can one register for a membership on this website? Because that would be so fucking cool. Sadly, the URL of the website was not provided, so I'm afraid none of you are going to be Holy Warriors in the Army of Dog anytime soon. Still, I find this shit so fucking funny, somehow.

When I first started this website, I had a purpose for it. I do not recall what that purpose was, precisely, but there was one, I think, and, being me, I think it must have been a pretty good one. Although I do not remember what exactly the main purpose of starting this blog was, I do remember that I had a huge chip on my shoulder. You see, I used to be disgusted by the whole idea of blogging, because you know, most blogs suck and all. So one of the purposes of starting this blog was therefore to show everyone else how it's done. And I did, except that since no one actually read what I was writing, it was actually moot whether I blogged or not.

At the time, I had like 20 or so hits per day, I think. I'm not really very sure, because I have a terrible head for figures. I mean, I can calculus the hell out of your ass, but I can't even remember my own mobile number. It starts with "9", I think. So anyway, I experimented with my style and, I think, produced some really awesome stuff. However, still no one read my blog. I was at a loss to understand it, because sometimes supergeniuses like me fail to see the obvious.

You see, sometimes when I used to read popular blogs, I'd think, "man, that's just full of dumb shit" and "I can write way better than this hack". And so, I was puzzled that the technically superior stuff that I wrote did not actually get as many readers as expected. Then one day, the Evil Canadian, who is full of the wisdom of the IPC, enlightened me. He told me that it was precisely the dumb shit that makes a blog popular. With such a finger pointing me in the right direction, I eventually came up with the GUT of dumb shit.

However, no theory can be given credence without experimental evidence to back it up. Hence, I initiated an experiment to test the validity of the GUT of dumbshit. It was a pretty simple experiment, consisting of the sole action of dumbing down my blog and seeing whether the number of hits increases. I started posting dumb shit and stupid MS Paint pictures and, sure enough, the Evil Canadian was proven right (goddammit I hate it when that happens), and the number of hits has since climbed to around 10 times that of the previously stated figure. This proves that intelligence is actually a hindrance in any popularity contest, because most people are really not all that intelligent.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that you guys are stupid fuckers, heheheheheh.

Disclaimer: I'm actually rather pleased at being able to attract this alternative cult following (as Ivan put it), because I've never really liked being mainstream. You guys are so cool (by virtue of association with me).

Update: Go read blinkymummy's post about Singapore scholars. Fuckin' A.
To be a popular blogger:

1. Talk a lot about sex
2. Tell people a lot about your alternative lifestyle
3. Post semi-naked photos
4. Be vulgar
5. Just be really cool and intelligent

1-4 can be quite easily achieved if you are good with lying and using digital enhancement.

5 is the most difficult yet the most deserving imo.
"which is why style always trumps substance rather than the contrary. intelligence can only be appreciated by other intellectuals, who make up only a minority of the population. To win over the masses, you have to appeal to their mediocrity or apathy. Give them what they want and not what you know is right, and you're on your way."

-a comment on my blog

So damn true if you think about it. Although I have to say I'm quite proud of having attracted a sizeable audience when I was still writing. All that without the aid of pictures, music, quizzes, or other fancy stuff.

Catering to the masses has its perks, but the caveat is that you'll lose the niche appeal, and the cool alternative cult following. ;)

Hmm, good recommendation! blinkymummy is smart, that makes her sexy.
Feisty Bitch: So which one do I belong to? Oh wait, I am not really popular, haha.

Daniel: Yes, although some posts have been pure dumbshit, I usually try to have a method to the madness so that the discerning reader can see the more intelligent side, heheh. One of my friends told me that I've made my blog too obvious, but I told her that she's not looking hard enough. And yes, blinkymummy kicks ass!
You do realise that chances are, given how often I mention you and your awesome-ness in my blog posts, that a portion of my traffic reads about you as well. =P

Besides, the memory of what happened with Tomorrow.sg is still all too clear. =D
Ivan: Please, I've been trying to forget about that episode. *shudders*
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To Those Who Wish To Link Me:

Due to the fact that my ego is a humongous, bloated monstrousity, it is not highly unlikely that I wouldn't say no to your linking my blog, so there is no need to ask me.

Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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