We Meet The Famous Tushees
So last night I went clubbing and I finally met the hot hot hot Celle. In addition to being hot hot hot, she also strikes me as a very nice person. See, I'm usually very laid back where clubbing is concerned. Meeting times, schmeeting times. I'll loaf around at home doing jackshit until the absolute last minute before I throw on some clothes (I'm usually naked at home. Just kidding) and leave the house to arrive half an hour to one hour later than the stipulated time. So when I sent Celle an email asking her out for last night's clubbing session, I was damned vague about when I would be there, giving a time range of 10 to 11pm.

See, I'd assumed that, like all hot hot hot babes, she would be late late late. Furthermore, usually hot hot hot babes don't go meeting people they don't know alone. I thought she'd be going with friends or something, but she didn't, although some friends of hers did turn up later. So there I was at 1030pm, still playing my stupid MMORPG, when I got a message from Celle asking me when I would be there. I replied that I would be there at around 11pm, and in response she said that she was already out and that in that case, she'd go get a beer first. I was like wtf, she's alone? So I had a depressing mental image of poor Celle wandering around Boat Quay, drinking alone before coming to Zouk to meet us. Man, did I feel bad about that. Were you alone, babe? If you were, I'm dreadfully sorry about that. However, my ego does feel honoured that she'd come down to Zouk alone to meet us instead of telling us, like hot hot hot babes sometimes do, that she'd be there when she arrives and to expect her when we saw her. And then end up going to some other joint with some grinning idiot driving a Porsche, leaving us high and dry.

Before you ask, no, no one has ever done that to me before, even after I gained my pudge, because hey, it's me, the God of Charm, we're talking about, remember? But I've heard stories. So anyway, I put on some clothes, tucked in my teddy bears, rushed out of the house, flagged a cab and flew down to Zouk. There, I met CCFs Injenue (the other guy who danced with us, Celle), Icebreeze and Alyssa, as well as the feisty girlfriend, who was with her own posse. As it turns out, Celle hadn't arrived yet because some complete strangers were buying her drinks at Boat Quay (yes, she's that hot). Here's the part I always like best about going to Zouk with CCF Alyssa. We skipped the queue, breezed in past the other poor schmucks who were in line and went into Phuture FOC. Meanwhile, poor Celle texts me to tell me she's trying to flag a cab at Boat Quay. Man, I wish she'd have told me that she was coming down alone. At least I would have skipped the MMORPG and met up with her first or something. Anyway, as it turns out, there was a bunch of complete strangers helping her flag a cab, so I suppose it's all good. As I said, hot hot hot!

So I had some beer and then went out to meet Celle when she told me that she'd arrived. I was a little surprised to find that she's rather petite, because I'd subconsciously had this image of her as being at least several hundreds of feet tall. Now, why would my subconscious think that? Anyway, Celle seems to be a true child of the world. She even has an accent. Ok wait, my balls itch and I'm in the office, so I have to go to the loo to scratch my balls.

Ok, I'm back. So anyway, I went into Zouk with Celle and we found Ivan as well as MrToe and Bu.



We danced for a while, then Celle went to look for her hot hot hot friend, who'd just arrived. Ivan went to look for his friends, and I went to look for Injenue. Man, Injenue's group was huge. We got a lot of booze and started playing drinking games. As usual, being a sneaky, cheap bastard, I played to lose so that I could drink a lot of booze. After a while, I realised that I was somehow dancing with Celle and her friends and boy, was she smashed. She may be friendly enough when she's sober, but she's fucking loco when she's drunk. Totally the type of person I love clubbing with. In other words, Celle is a CCF. Actually, she sort of reminds me of godsister Alyssa. Shit, I forgot to introduce them. That would have been such an interesting meeting.

After a while, I somehow ended up with Injenue and the Feisty Bitch again. Ok, though this may all sound pretty interesting (and it was) I actually did not enjoy myself as much as I might have. Firstly, there weren't enough drinks. I totally blame this on my impulse buy of my rollerblades and the fact that I haven't gotten my paycheck yet. Secondly, because I had too many groups of friends there, I had to keep running back and forth being the life of the fucking party for everyone. Ok, maybe not for Celle, because she's pretty lively all by herself. And maybe not for the Feisty Bitch as well, because she had her own posse. And maybe not for Injenue, because he's a CCF, and so are his brother and Alyssa, and 3 CCFs together are more than enough to raise hell at any party. Ivan was as usual dancing somewhere in a trance-like state. Ok, fuck. Why the hell did I waste the effort of running around like a fucking goondu? None of the groups really needed me what. You see what hubris does to you, children? Oh well, at least they all had fun, the fuckers.

So anyway, the Feisty Bitch went to Phuture, where we couldn't go because MrToe and company came in through Zouk and nowadays traffic between Zouk and Phuture has become one-way only. Anyway, I was back with Celle and guess who we saw dancing on the fucking platform? The Big Fuck! Seriously, there was this guy there who totally looked like him, down to the crooked teeth. I was about to hail him, but then I remembered that he's in Chicago. Also, he'd already cut his hair and so looked nothing like that guy now. Seriously, dude, what the fuck? Have you been cloning yourself again?! Eh, next time want to clone yourself, jio me leh. The world definitely needs more of us, heheheheh.

Later, I went looking for the Feisty Bitch in Phuture, and stayed with her the rest of the night. I had to go off early, though, because I have to work today. Work totally sucks. I'd have taken an MC if I wasn't so fucking broke, goddammit. Ah well, at least I did have fun. Oh yeah, when Ivan asked me where we were while I was still in Zouk, we were totally right behind him. He turned around but completely missed us, the dickhead. MUAHAHAHAHA! Hey, dude, did you manage to find Celle again in the end? Sorry I left early, man.

Gods, I am so fucking tired right now. If this entry doesn't entertain, too fucking bad. Blame it on my fatigue. I got rained on on the way home, too, goddammit. Boo fucking hoo. Shit, it's only 2 fucking pm now. What the fuck am I going to do for the rest of the day? I'm definitely too tired to attempt writing the report I should actually be writing.

Ok, have a shitty day, guys. I'm going to go stare blankly at my monitor for 4 hours.

P.S. It was fucking nice to finally fucking meet you, Celle, you hot hot hot chick, you. We have got to do this again sometime, heheheheheheh.
P.P.S. Curiously, my fatigue vanished when I reached home.
P.P.P.S. I saw Fiona Xie at Zouk, but unfortunately, there were too many people around for me to make an attempt on her life. Also, I still had my fingerprints, so I had to settle for just imagining breaking all her bones instead. Still, that little mental image gave me a warm glow inside.

Update: Check out Nethia's latest post. It's fucking hilarious.  ¶
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