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Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Why I Did Not Post Yesterday. Honest.

In case you guys were wondering why I did not post anything on Monday, I have officially burnt out. The MrToe story was the last idea I will ever have. There is nothing more to read here. It has been fun writing this blog, but it's over. You may all move on with your lives and start to actually be productive instead of spending all your time reading blogs. Well, you could read other blogs, of course, but come now, what other blog could satisfy you after you've read mine? You poor buggers. I've ruined you for other blogs, haven't I? Oh, well, at least now you know what a blog should really be like, and have acquired at least a bit of taste. Have fun with the rest of your lives, people.

I was just kidding, of course. My creativity is a spring, a fucking fountain from which ideas flow endlessly like cool, sparkling water on a fucking hot, summer day.

Now, the real reason why I didn't post anything yesterday was because I played basketball yesterday morning after like, twenty million gadzillion years of not playing basketball and my whole body felt like one huge fucking bruise. There wasn't much I could do for the rest of the day except moan sexily while lying in my bed, cuddled with my stuffed bear. Naturally, I was just yanking your chains again. In the first place, even if I haven't played basketball in years, I am a perfect being and hence beyond such petty earthly troubles as muscle atrophy due to lack of exercise. I still kicked ass and made more baskets than Jordan in his prime, on steroids, would have against a bunch of 12-year-olds. In the second place, a randy savage (macho man, a joke for you rednecks who are actually dumb enough to fucking watch wrestling) such as myself would never keep stuffed animals, much less name them and talk to them. No, I definitely do not keep stuffed toys and even if I did, I would not name them nor talk to them, no fucking way. One thing was true, though, which is that I moan very sexily. I fucking ooze sex appeal, all the fucking time. You could install a spycam inside my fucking toilet and peep at me taking a dump and you'd be thinking, "hot damn, that guy makes me want to fuck him".

The real reason I did not post anything yesterday was that after kicking ass at basketball yesterday, I was so fucking high on adrenaline that I went on to kick the entire S-League's asses (including reserves) at soccer on my own, nevermind that soccer is usually played by only 22 people. Following that, I gatecrashed the International Underground Total Fighting Championship Tournament and singlehandedly beat the shit out of every fucking competitor there with one fucking hand tied behind my back. Then, I swallowed Mike Tyson whole for dessert. After buttering him thoroughly first, of course, I'm not a barbarian. After that, I hopped over to Iraq, and I do mean literally hopped, because like the Big Fuck, I am thousands of feet tall. Anyway, I hopped over to Iraq and found the Invisible Pink WMDs that the real Saddam Hussein (betcha didn't know that they caught an imposter, did you?) was hiding in deep, underground bunkers beneath the earth's crust. Yes, besides kicking ass at all sports and being thousands of feet tall, I am also sensitive to radioactive isotopes. Also, I can burrow like a mole (if a mole is thousands of feet tall). Anyway, I destroyed all the nukes by pissing on them before detonating them, because my piss has nuclear reaction-damping properties.

After that, I had to hunt Saddam down, because he had fled upon hearing that I was coming to Iraq, but of course he did not get far. I stamped on him with a foot that could have crushed skyscrapers, and hey, goodbye Saddam, hello bloody pulp.

After that, I received a medal and keys to the city of Washington or something from Bush for saving the fucking world, but I was like, whatever, dude, because I don't like Republicans, or Democrats, for that matter. Like I said, whatever.

And that's the honest truth about why I didn't post an entry yesterday, guys.

So, anyway, the Feisty Bitch wrote a rather weirdly entertaining entry the other day which I've been meaning to plug but forgot to. Go check it out.

Update: There is a sequel. And also an equally awesome entry after that. Hot damn, she's on a roll!
I've got plugged! *rolls around*

Shouldn't your fountain be red or something? You draw blood with words. I like. ^-*
hot damn indeed. now there's two thousand-foot-tall giants around and i aint seen either of em.

and bush seems to have recovered from being a pirate real quick. heh.
the best thing about being our special breed of giant, is that you can CHOOSE when you want to be 2000 feet tall. all the rest of the time, we can change so that we're normal like the rest of you, so that we don't make people jealous of our stunningly powerful physiques. Otherwise, everyone would be compelled to commit suicide because of their inferiority.

While we don't really give a shit either way, we're SO awesome, that we're nice enough to be considerate. Fear us, wongcheok... and spread the gospel far and wide. The gospel that we fucking rock.
Hahaha, hearken unto the words of the Big Fuck, for they are wise.
dude sure dats ur feet?? like a bit small le
What are you talking about, Celle? It's frikkin bigger than a skyscraper, for fuck's sake!
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Due to the fact that my ego is a humongous, bloated monstrousity, it is not highly unlikely that I wouldn't say no to your linking my blog, so there is no need to ask me.

Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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