Physicists at Cornel-Putnam University (CPU) confirmed yesterday the Holy Grail of Physics, the Grand Unified Theory, is contained in the Half-Life 2 source code . . .

. . . Dr. Harvey McLeod said in his statement early yesterday, "I overheard one of my students talking in class, about how he was playing the Half-Life 2 beta and how exact the physics engine was. I became intrigued. I didn't think that a computer had the processing power to compute all the different physics equations quickly enough to animate the game flawlessly. I was right, they were just computing one equation."

Game Engine Software Engineer at Valve, Jose Garcia discovered the theory. "The game engine ran too slowly. I was assigned the job of speeding it up," he said. "I started out by combining some of the gravity equations with some of the other force equations and found it all started to fit together. After a day, I had fine-tuned the entire physics-animation functions down to four lines of code, which ran a bit faster," he added.