Here's a tip. Stop moving.
Hmm... I haven't posted any long entries for some time. In case any of you humble readers were wondering as to the reason for that, I shall tell you guys why. It's because I'm lazy. Being lazy kicks ass. The Evil Canadian and I discussed this once and came to the conclusion that moving is overrated. You see, humble readers, some people have this perverted need to accomplish something with their lives. I know. Shocking, isn't it? I can assure you that yours truly is definitely not one of them. I could be quite contented just sitting around staring blankly at the wall for the rest of my life. What's so good about moving around, anyway? Do you guys not realise that humans are really quite frail creatures and die easily? Let's face it, you guys are easy to kill, and there are plenty of dangerous things out there which are only too willing to put an end to your miserable existence. The more you move around, the more you increase your chances of encountering these things. No, it's better by far to just find a relatively safe place and just sit around until you die.

Then there's also the fact that you guys are a bunch of sick, sadistic motherfuckers who also like hurting others, for some reason. The human race is a violent race. Humans kill each other over every conceivable reason. The other bugger has a different skin colour? Kill him. The other bugger speaks a different language? Hmm... kill him. The other bugger worships a different god? Erm... kill him. The other bugger worships the same god in a different way? Duh, kill him. The other bugger worships the same god as you in the same way as you and is your identical twin brother but you have to split your inheritance with him? Well, I'm sure you get the idea by now. Yes, kill him. Here's where laziness can really help the human race. Granted, there's an equal ("equal" being a wildly optimistic estimate in this case) possibility that someone who moves around might help other people instead of hurting them, but you can never be sure, can you? If that same person simply stops moving, however, you can be sure that he won't hurt anyone. I rest my case.

The only acceptable excuse anyone could have for moving would be to stay alive. That's no longer much of a problem these days, is it? Why do I see people in a fucking hurry on the streets everyday? Where the hell are they all rushing to? It's not like there are any fucking saber-toothed tigers bounding along hungrily after them, for fuck's sake. Even if there were, I think it would be better to get eaten up in the prime of your life rather than to die a slow death in your old age. You will die in the end, anyway, so why delay the inevitable? Ah well, pain is even worse than having to move around, so I guess it would be a case of choosing the lesser evil. Sitting or lying around is still the best, though.

Yes, it would be a dream come true to simply sit around the whole day while some machine feeds me when I'm hungry. Intravenously, if possible. That way, I wouldn't even have to expend any effort chewing. Preferrably that same machine would also help to clean up my poop and piss, thereby saving me the trouble of going to the toilet. Why do people move around so much anyway? Mostly it's so that they can save enough money to be able to afford lazing around when they're old. I say laze around now, while you still have energy to waste. Why wait till you waste time out of necessity because you have no energy to do anything else? Carpe diem! I was going to write more stuff about some stuff or other, but my fingers are tired, or something.  ¶
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