Do your friends want to fuck you?
Does anyone believe that there can ever be a platonic friendship between a heterosexual man and a woman? I think so, but it's conditional. Firstly, if there exists a purely platonic friendship between a man and a woman, the only possibility is that the girl is fugly. Sorry if this disillusions you, ladies, but if you're even moderately attractive, your "platonic" guy friends have probably at least pictured you naked. I can already hear lots of women going "ewwww" and others going "hmmm".

Don't try to fight it, don't try to understand it. It is a dick thing, and you have to have a dick to understand it. Men are just built that way. So does this mean that if a chick is attractive, she can have no platonic relationships with men? Of course not. Platonic relationships are still possible, although purely platonic relationships (i.e. the guy has never even pictured you naked) are not. Ok, here we go. You can tell whether a man is interested in you as a friend or whether he's just interested in your pussy by this simple fact: is the bloke getting any now? Yes, if the bugger is getting lots of pussy, looks exhausted all the time and hasn't fucked you yet, chances are he's not looking to and you can let down your guard a little.

If, on the other hand, the bugger is ugly/a virgin, then he's most probably talking to you because he wants to fuck you. Don't be fooled even if he has tons of other female "friends". He probably desires them all. Again, do not attempt to understand such behaviour. It is beyond you to understand why men behave this way. If you do not believe me, here's a simple test you can conduct. Tell the bugger you've found a boyfriend and be suitably complimentary about his skills in bed and the size of his dick. Tell him that your boyfriend gives you such great orgasms that you will never fuck anyone else ever again. In all probability, your "friend" will at least start to distance himself. More likely, he will simply stop calling.

I don't know why, but many attractive people somehow believe that only attractive people are attracted to them and that they can somehow safely just be friends with the ugly ones. You are so, so wrong. Ugly people are attracted to you too. I used to think otherwise too, but I have had so many declarations of undying love from fugly bitches that I realised the error of my ways. That is why I make it a point never to associate with ugly people anymore if I can help it. No point wasting time with unnecessary misunderstandings, right?

Trust my word on this, ladies. The only guy friends who aren't trying to fuck you are mostly those already attached, or those who are very attractive (such as I). In other words, most probably the guys you wish would want to fuck you. Such is life, is it not? All right, so if you're not looking to fuck, does that mean that you're safe if your male friend is attractive and attached? Again, not necessarily. He may just be a fucking Casanova. Actually, it is probably safer just to assume (if you're an attractive woman) that all your guy friends wish to fuck you. It wouldn't be too far from the truth, and it saves you a lot of time.

The only exception to this rule is if the guy in question is me, of course. Yes, girls, I am the only one you can trust. Come to papa.

p.s. To all the female friends of mine who read this blog and whom I haven't seen naked yet, yes, I have probably pictured you naked before. Now go wash the dishes, or cook dinner, or do the laundry, or whatever and stop bothering me.  ¶
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