Arts Fags And MLMs suck.
A while ago, I met up with a couple of friends whom I hadn't seen in ages. One of them was this cute Indonesian chick who was in my secondary school, but went to Australia to study after that. She recently came back to Singapore and we met up for dinner, shits and giggles. Man, has she gotten an attitude since secondary school. She said some stuff which I was too polite to comment on during our meeting, and I've been tormented by the urge to blog about it ever since. What was the source of my dilemma? Well, I am really quite fond of her, or I was during our secondary school days, and I am hence reluctant to rip on her. However, since she will in all probability never read this, and also because I am an asshole, I've decided that, friend or no friend, I'm going to rip on her.

See, what happened was that we were talking about some musicians, and the topic shifted to Chinese R & B. Naturally, the names Jay Chou and Machi (if I didn't spell that right, I don't care because though I think they're cool, I'm not a fan), and she was remarking that she spotted right off, way before he became famous, that he was talented. Later, however, she said that she thinks he's losing his touch and that he was just doing the same stuff for his latest album. I sort of grunted in an ambivalent manner, because my musical knowledge is limited to thinking a song is "nice" or "not nice". I guess it's a consequence of the fact that I am a computer geek and hence can only think in binary terms. Anyway, she said something which struck a nerve in me. She said, "I have totally different expectations for Jay than I have for Machi, because Machi came from L.A.". Or was it New York? Anyway, what she meant was that she expects Machi to sound more like authentic hiphop than Jay does.

Seriously, how do people grow the balls to make statements like that? My knee-jerk response was to deadpan "I'm sure that Jay is extremely happy about that, babe", but because I am moderately fond of the little thing, I refrained. Here I was, thinking I am a piece of arrogant shit, but this little girl's ego managed to upstage mine so easily. We went on to talk about other stuff, and there was this other secondary school friend with us who had also studied abroad. That's another thing about people who've travelled some. They think that just because they've been to more places than I have, they're automatically smarter or something. I'm not averse to the idea of being underestimated by other people, so I let them prattle on. They were both arty people, and they spoke incessantly about "aesthetics" blah blah, but I was already daydreaming about going home to my beloved computers.

Honestly, they may know more about the effects colors have on the average human being, and I may indeed have the taste of a schizophrenic hyena on crack (they didn't insult me or anything, but I'm just pissed off at arty people who think the world of themselves in general), but come on, who fucking cares. They have their stupid colors, I have my kickass technology. I think that "studying" design in college is sort of like going back to drawing with crayons in kindergarten after failing math in primary school, anyway. I spit on your "knowledge" of the "field" of design. You may decide how a Ferrari looks like, but it's the physicists who figured out how to make it move the way it does and it's the engineers who figured out how to build it. Without us boring science people, your "work" would be an interestingly shaped piece of useless metal. Imagine buying a piece of useless shit for like a million dollars so you can sit around in it and ask friends over to show it off. Then it breaks under you because no one figured out how to make it capable of actually bearing the weight of your dumbass.

We build stuff. You put pweety pweety flowers and shit on them. Never forget that, you bunch of fucking pansies. Man, do I despise arts fags. All they do is slap each other on the back congratulating themselves on their creativity at exhibitions and shit. Fucking parasites. Creativity that produces nothing useful is - guess what? - useless. If you wish to know more about what I think about arts fags, read this and this.

In case you were wondering if there were any arts people I respect, these are my favourite arty people, besides the Feisty Bitch (what, you think I'd date someone whom I thought was dumb for three fucking years?). Agagooga and Ivan. Although I don't really know them well, they obviously not only write well, but know about lots of stuff beyond their fields of study as well. Although Ivan has the mistaken notion that being "hip" or "cool" is something important or even desirable, I still reluctantly concede that he deserves my respect as a fellow intelligent being. Heheheheheh.

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Yesterday I was hanging out with my SB (sworn brother) and my VSOP (Very Special Old Pal), both of whom are friends of more than 10 years. They're both engineers too. My kind of people (read: smart). Ok, I have to admit that there are some few engineers who aren't smart, but these two are. Anyway, we got to talking about MLMs (Multi-Level Marketing companies a.k.a. network marketing companies). If you don't know what MLMs are, you can look here for all the information you never needed about MLMs.

We agreed that MLM-ers are the lowest forms of life in the known universe. This abysmal position in the space beneath my mental horizon used to be occupied by spammers, but upon deeper reflection, at least spam can be more easily dealt with than MLM-ers. As a public service, I Rock, You Suck hereby presents the definitive, easy-to-follow, 4-step guide to making MLM-ers fear you. The best part of it is that you will be using their own methods against them. Why am I so sure of myself? Because I am awesome, of course, but besides that, I have seen the MLM action on the other side before, so I know how the minds of these people work.

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Tip #1 (for beginners):
Cut them off before they get started by calling their bluff. How do you do this? Well, you can spot a MLM-er a mile away because they're fucking predictable. If a "friend" who hasn't contacted you for ages suddenly calls you up out of the blue wanting to meet you, he may be an MLM-er. This may be rather unfriendly and blunt, but if you do not wish to waste time, immediately ask him, "You're not doing MLM, are you?" This will, however, only work on the least scary breed of MLM-ers, and in any case, deterring him may not be what you want, for reasons which will become clear presently. More seasoned MLM-ers are aware of the fact that they're universally loathed, and will have been brainwashed to lie to you, so we go on to the next tip.

Tip #2 (intermediate level):
Once again, sometimes early detection is the best way to avoid a hassle. After you meet up with your potential MLM-er, he will most likely not immediately press you to join up. Instead, he will usually carefully conceal his intent. Some telltale signs, however, are if he starts asking you what your goals in life are, or if he tells you that he admires his boss a lot, or if he tells you that he really loves his job now, but won't describe it when you ask him about it. This would be a good time to get out by asking him again if he's an MLM-er. However, this is not much fun, is it? So we go on to the third tip.

Tip #3 (advanced level):
Go along with the bugger. Since MLM-ers are always anxious to please and also to give the impression of wealth, they will invariably pay for your food and drinks when you meet. If they do not ask you to meet at some place which sells food in the first place, you should tell them that you're hungry and ask whether you can go eat somewhere right after you meet them. They will never refuse you because they fear that you will go eat without them. After sponging a meal off them, they will start to ask you about your goals in life and stuff like that. Play along. Tell them that you're tired of your job and that you're thinking of going into business for yourself and that you're looking for opportunities. They think of themselves as entrepreneurs, so they will think you're easy prey.

Once they actually start to outline their "marketing plan", keep asking them what product they're selling. They seldom want to talk about their product, because usually their products are bogus (though harmless) health products. Examples include magnetic mattresses, nutrition pills, skin products and stuff like that. Keep pressing them about the products, however, and eventually they will be forced to tell you about it. Once they've rattled off their spiel, tell them that you're not really convinced. Now you have two choices, depending on the product. If it's something you can't use, just say that you're not interested and walk away. If, however, you think you can use the product (for example, it's facial cream or something), or if you're just a bloody-minded bastard like I am, ask if you can test the product before making up your mind. After you test it, if you've had enough fun by now, tell them you're not convinced and walk away. If you're a real motherfucking evil sonofabitch (like me), however, proceed to tip 4.

Tip #4 (expert level):
After trying their product, say that you're still a little skeptical and that you need a bit of time to think it over. Go home, repeat tip 3 with the other MLM-ers on your list, and then go back to them and get another free meal. Say that you're still not convinced and say that maybe if you could try the product again . . . at this point, they should have begun to realise that something is wrong. As a final touch, keep calling your "friend" for like a week, asking him to meet you to do some "catching up". Accuse him of having only been after you because you were a "prospect", as they call it. Trust me, you will never see people run away from you so fast during future random meetings in public.

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Follow the tips of the Don, and if an honest person like you should ever meet an MLM-er, then believe me, they will fear you. You could probably live off MLM-ers for like a month before word gets around in their circle that something infinitely more terrifying than themselves has come into this world. Since word of mouth features so prominently in the MLM world, they will probably avoid you like the plague after a month or so.

Here are some reasons why I dislike MLMs so much:

1. They change people into hypocrites.


2. Their products are way too expensive, and the cost doesn't go into paying for shipping, warehousing, rent, electricity, etc, it goes right into the pockets of those in the upper echelons of the company.


3. They deceive you into thinking that you can make a quick buck, when in reality, probably less than one in a hundred people who try MLM-ing doesn't get burnt. Even less actually make money off it.


4. MLM-ers frequently end up burning their own relatives and friends.


5. Hence, MLMs destroy human relationships.


6. MLMs remind me too much of some of the more rabid sects of Christianity. In fact, one of the more prominent MLM companies in Singapore was founded by a City Harvest member.


7. They burnt one of my friends.


8. Their products are bogus.


9. MLM-ers like to pretend they're rich.


10. They like to tell you that they're not doing sales and that they're in fact, entrepreneurs. They are, in fact, doing sales.

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Link of the day: Shout out to the Big Fuck for his excellent response to Singabloodypore's entry about the Singaporean blogging scene being infantile.

My own response would be an extremely disinterested "ok". I don't feel the least bit slighted that this guy thinks that my blog is infantile, because firstly, I am not my blog, and secondly, his opinions don't matter to me. I tried to read his blog, but fell asleep halfway. Ok, that was just me being mean. I was just kidding, I could not actually be bothered to read his blog, but I did read the post that started it all. He very nicely provided a link to wikipedia that defines infantilism. In a nutshell, this is infantilism.

"The defining aspect of this condition is the derivation of a profound sense of well-being or of a certain type of great pleasure that becomes associated with various infantile objects and/ or infantile roleplaying."

Ever noticed that there are many children derive pleasure from trying to act like adults, dressing like adults and affecting a serious demeanour? By that token, I think that a blog that takes itself too seriously is infantile, so welcome to the infantile blog club, Singabloodypore.  ¶
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