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Saturday, February 26, 2005
Tribute to Tombstone

I just surfed on over to the Feisty Bitch's blog and noticed the comments on this post in particular. Basically, the Feisty Bitch was talking about how stupid Valentine's Day has become really commercialised and how giving flowers is a meaningless gesture. Yes, we do not celebrate Valentine's Day. The only cursory nod in the direction of that occasion we gave took the form of going over to Sentosa to spend some quality time together. Anyway, someone jokingly accused her of "sour grapes", to which I quoted Xiaxue's infamous T-Shirt from last year's Valentine's Day.

Despite all that, Injenue, in an amazing display of drone-like thinking, said this.

"despite whatever you people say, flowers work. period. (oh and so do all the other gifts too.)"

It is immediately evident from the fact that he remains one of my better friends in university that, contrary to what many of you think, I do not exclude stupid people from my circle of friendship. However, that does not prevent me from poking fun at them, of course. What I said was:

"Flowers sometimes work for ugly people who have no wit, yeah. And when they do work, they work on girls who have no brains to question the rationale behind giving someone dead plants as a gift. Why not a dead squirrel instead? Or a dead hamster? Those are cute too."

Of course, I understand that he thinks he's being realistic, but what I think is that he's not being realistic enough. The bottom line is that you must appeal to the chick in question. If she likes you, she'll probably think it's funny even if you really did give her a dead rat on Valentine's Day. If she finds you undesirable, she will find it irritating even if you gave her diamonds. Of course, she might be happy to take the diamonds anyway and even sleep with you if she happens to be materialistic, but she will still not like you. Of course, if you're the type of person who doesn't mind sleeping with someone who couldn't care less if you died the next moment, that's fine, and all power to you. Most of us, however, have more dignity than that. The real achievement is when you can get someone to like you for the person you are without having to give her the trappings of the materialistic.

Oh, err . . . forgot to include vulgarities. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. There we go, a genuine, bona fide Don AQ blog post.

p.s. I do, actually, exclude stupid people from my circle of friendship, Injenue is not really stupid, he's just really, really dense sometimes.

I was just watching the movie Tombstone on DVD again. Truly, it's one of the best fucking movies ever made. It has everything you might want in a movie. It emphasizes the importance of brotherhood and family, while chicks take a back seat. Most of the females in the show were there mainly for decoration, which is the way it should be. There's a lot of manly affection and friendship, and there's also major asskickery. As I said, A helluva movie.

For you deprived people out there, Tombstone is a movie about legendary American lawman Wyatt Earp. Unlike the amazingly boring Kevin Costner vehicle "Wyatt", however, Tombstone is full of action and plain old, Wild West fun. There are men with big moustaches and bigger egos growling like tigers in Latin at each other. There are men shooting each other in the streets over nothing more than an accusation of cheating at gambling. Historically accurate it may not have been, but fun it definitely was. Kurt Russell was great as the brooding Wyatt Earp, while Val Kilmer was out-fucking-standing, not to mention often hilarious, as Doc Holliday.

The movie details the struggles between the Earps and the Cowboys, a gang of criminals and thugs who held sway over the town of Tombstone.

As an example of how much ass this show kicks, I shall tell you guys what happens in one of the first scenes. Doc Holliday is playing poker with someone named Ed Bailey. Kate is Doc's whore. Ed loses and gets pissed. Doc shows his guns and asks if he's cross. Ed says, "Them guns don't scare me. Without them, you're just another skinny lunger." He called Doc a lunger because Doc has tuberculosis. So, Doc puts his guns down and when Ed charges him, he stabs Ed to death with a knife.

Here are more memorable quotes from the movie.

Curly Bill: [takes a bill with Wyatt's signature from a customer and throws it on the faro table] Wyatt Earp, huh? I heard of you.
Ike Clanton: Listen, Mr. Kansas Law Dog. Law don't go around here. Savvy?
Wyatt Earp: I'm retired.
Curly Bill: Good. That's real good.
Ike Clanton: Yeah, that's good, Mr. Law Dog, 'cause law don't go around here.
Wyatt Earp: I heard you the first time.
[flips a card]
Wyatt Earp: Winner to the King, five hundred dollars.
Curly Bill: Shut up, Ike.
Johnny Ringo: [Ringo steps up to Doc] And you must be Doc Holliday.
Doc Holliday: That's the rumor.
Johnny Ringo: You retired too?
Doc Holliday: Not me. I'm in my prime.
Johnny Ringo: Yeah, you look it.
Doc Holliday: And you must be Ringo. Look, darling, Johnny Ringo. The deadliest pistoleer since Wild Bill, they say. What do you think, darling? Should I hate him?
Kate: You don't even know him.
Doc Holliday: Yes, but there's just something about him. Something around the eyes, I don't know, reminds me of... me. No. I'm sure of it, I hate him.
Wyatt Earp: [to Ringo] He's drunk.
Doc Holliday: In vino veritas.
Johnny Ringo: Age quod agis.
Doc Holliday: Credat Judaeus apella.
Johnny Ringo: [pats his gun] Ecentus stultorum magister.
Doc Holliday: [gives a Cheshire cat smile] In pace requiescat.
Tombstone Marshal Fred White: Come on now. We don't want any trouble in here. Not in any language.
Doc Holliday: Evidently Mr. Ringo's an educated man. Now I really hate him.
Doc Holliday: In vino veritas.
[In wine is truth. - Meaning - "When I'm drinking I speak my mind."]
Johnny Ringo: Age quod agis.
[Do what you do. - Meaning - "Do what you do best."]
Doc Holliday: Credat Judaeus Apella, non ego. The Jew Apella may believe it, not I.
[Meaning, "Oh drinking isn't what I do best."]
Johnny Ringo: Credat Judaeus Apella, non ego.
[Fools must learn by experience. - Meaning - "Let me teach you what I do best."]
Doc Holliday: In pace requiescat.
[Rest In Peace - Meaning - "It's Your Funeral!"]

(ed: After that Johnny Ringo draws his pistol. Curly Bill says, "Careful, Johnny. I hear he's real fast." Johnny starts playing with his pistol (yes, I know how this sounds, heheh), twirling it in a bewildering display of dexterity. Everyone in the bar cheers. When they quiet down, Doc starts doing the exact same thing. With the cup he was drinking out of.)

(ed: Doc is playing on the piano in a bar and Billy Clanton says that it sounds like some song written by Stephen Foster.)

Billy Clanton: Stephen Foster. "Oh, Susannah", "Camptown Races". Stephen stinking Foster.
Doc Holliday: Ah, yes. Well, this happens to be a nocturne.
Billy Clanton: A which?
Doc Holliday: You know, Frederic fucking Chopin.

(ed: After Curly Bill guns down the town marshal, Wyatt knocks him down by hitting him with his gun. The townspeople want to hang Curly Bill, but Wyatt tells them to back off and that Curly Bill will stand trial for it. Ike, coming on the scene with like six Cowboys, asks Wyatt to release Curly, but Wyatt tells them to go home.)

Ike Clanton: I swear to God. Law dog. If you don't step aside, we'll tear you apart.
Wyatt Earp (cocks pistol and puts it against Ike's forehead): You die first, get it? Your friends might get me in a rush, but not before I make your head into a canoe, you understand me?

(ed: Probably not many people will notice this, but I really liked Stephen Lang's (actor playing the cowardly Ike Clanton) performance. When the pistol is pointed against his forehead, you can really see his eyes widening in fear.)

Billy Clanton: He's bluffin. Let's rush him.
Ike Clanton (whimpers): No! He ain't bluffin.
Wyatt Earp: You're not as stupid as you look, Ike. Now tell them to get back.

(ed: A while later, Doc comes out with a pistol)

Doc Holliday: And you. Music lover. You're next.
Billy Clanton: Why, it's the drunk piano player. You're so drunk, you can't hit nothin'. In fact, you're probably seeing double.
[Billy Clanton draws a knife, and Doc Holliday takes out a second gun]
Doc Holliday: I have two guns, one for each of ya.

Ike Clanton: What is that Holiday? Twelve hands in a row? Ain't nobody that lucky.
Doc Holliday: Why Ike, whatever do you mean? Maybe poker's just not your game. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!

Wyatt Earp: How are you?
Doc Holliday: I'm dying, how are you?

Morgan Earp: Look at all the stars. You look up and you think, "God made all this and He remembered to make a little speck like me." It's kind of flattering, really.

(ed: He goes on to say that he read this book about spiritualism where it says that when you die, you see a light at the end of the tunnel and that this was the light leading you to heaven. Then, when he's dying after the Cowboys took a shot at him, he says this to Wyatt.)

Morgan Earp: Remember what I said about people seein' a bright light before they die? It ain't true. I can't see a damn thing.

(ed: Josephine Marcus, the future wife of Wyatt, steps out of a coach with Mr. Fabian (played by Billy Zane)

Doc Holliday: Well, an enchanted moment.
Josephine Marcus: Interesting little scene. I wonder who that tall drink of water is.
Mr. Fabian: My dear you've set your gaze upon the quintessential frontier type. Note the lean silhouette... eyes closed by the sun, though sharp as a hawk. He's got the look of both predator and prey.
Josephine Marcus: I want one.
Mr. Fabian: Happy hunting.

(ed: The version I watched didn't have the following scene, which I would guess is when Doc is going off to help Wyatt hunt down the Cowboys.)
Kate: I've been good to you, I've taken care of you. If you die, where does that leave me?
Doc Holliday: Without a meal ticket I suppose.
[Doc rides horse out of barn into stable area, Kate runs out after him punching him in anger]
Kate: You bastard!
Doc Holliday: Why Kate, have you no kind words for me as I ride away?
Doc Holliday: I calculate not.
[rides off]

(ed: Doc is coughing while they were resting from hunting the Cowboys.)

Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: What the hell are you doing this for, anyway, Doc? You should be in bed.
Doc Holliday: Wyatt Earp is my friend.
Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Friend? Hell, I got lots of friends.
Doc Holliday: I don't.

Seriously, go watch it, you buffoons.

Update: Val Kilmer has been quoted as saying that screenwriter Kevin Jarre insisted the actors wear real wool costumes, in accordance with the time period. During the scene in the Birdcage Theater, Val Kilmer says, a thermometer was placed on the set, and it read 134 degrees Fahrenheit. Kilmer suggested jokingly that this was the reason Doc Holliday killed so many people: "It's just, like, he wore wool in the summer, in the Arizona territory, and that made him mad."
Oh damn, I SOOOO have to get that T-shirt printed for myself! Then I'll make sure to wear it out next year on V Day with the bf (if you've read my V Day blog post, you'll know that I can't stand V Day too).

And Adri's down because of bandwidth overload, apparently.
Hahaha, remember to ask me for a double date if you do, cos I'd really love to see you wear it in public.
Hey a double date that's a cool idea! Me and J could wear the same T-shirt, and you and my bf could wear the same one. I suggested to him just now that he should get a matching printed T-shirt that says "She gives me great head, and that's way better than your stupid chocolates" and he agreed that we're gonna go out like that for next year V Day! Interested?
Sure, why not? If the feisty bitch doesn't object, if neither of us has broken up by then, if one of us still remembers, if all 4 of us are still alive, let's do it. You get to print the T-shirts, though, because other than being an asshole, I'm also a lazy sonofabitch.
I doubt me and my bf will have broken up by then, because he's a clingy possessive ass. And I don't think you and the feisty bitch will have broken up either, since you've already been together for 3 years. I definitely will remember, and I can get the shirts printed easily 'cause there's a T-shirt printing place near my house. Just give me your sizes and preferred colour for the shirts and font.

Oh yes, and pass me the money for the printing too, I won't do it unless I have the cash in hand first. I'm a parsimonious and materialistic bitch. I'll check out printing prices and let you know.
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The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
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Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
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Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
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Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
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