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Thursday, June 16, 2005
Why I Do Not Intend To Have Children

My CCF godsister Alyssa sent me this chain sms thing that went something like this.

"When you're sad, I'm depressed. When you're happy, I'm glad. Whatever you feel, I feel twice as much. So remember that when someone says you're cute, I'm cuter!"

It didn't really make much sense to me, but then again, most chain text messages make even less sense. Anyway, here's my reply.

"Ok. Usually people say I'm fat and ugly, so you're twice as fat and twice as ugly. Love you, sis."


Sometimes I wonder why I have any friends at all. Then, the dear thing replied with something like this.

"Humph. If anyone says you're ugly, I'll beat them up and fart on them. *poot* Love you too, bro."

People are so masochistic.

I don't intend to have kids of my own. Why? I'll fucking tell you chumps why.

Has anyone ever noticed that the world is slipping slowly and inexorably into a state of divine madness? We sit here, nice and comfy in our apartments and houses, playing with our shiny toys and enjoying the benefits of technology and "civilization". Meanwhile, elsewhere in the same world, our fellow human beings blow each other to bits. We are born without a single real care in the world, we are fed, we study and work. We make money, and we live the supposed high life with it. We consume whatever the television, magazines and internet tell us to consume, while our factories belch pollutants into the air and spill poison into the seas.

We meet up with our friends and our meals are fit for the kings of old. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the world, children starve and die. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the world, people work their fingers to the bone to make us our designer clothes for low pay and long hours. Meanwhile, our governments tell us to have more children in order to ensure population growth. Meanwhile, we live like insects, swarming in our metal and concrete hives. Meanwhile, people fight over every conceivable issue, from religion to which village your ancestors came from to what colour your skin is.

Has it struck anyone that the one big thing wrong with the world today is that there are too many people in it? No, I don't mean too many niggers, spics, chinks or towelheads, just too many people. Why do people starve? Too little food, too many people. Why do people fight? Too little space, too many people. Why do people suffer? Too few resources, too many people. It's a simple question of economics, really. Oh, I know that this explanation for human suffering is rather simplistic, but I do think that it is broadly true in spite of that.

One of the reasons why I think human misery is due to the fact that there are too many people is that people are people. By that I mean that most people are fucking assholes who are dumb to boot. Let me illustrate. Supposing a group of people were all struck blind except for one of them. What would be the logical course of action? I should think that it would be to look to the only person with sight for guidance. In reality, however, is that likely to happen? I doubt it. I think, rather, that most of the other people in the group would try to blind the person who still has his sight so that he does not have more than them.

Everybody's trying to get ahead, everybody's looking for an angle. Nobody wants to give in. Look at the so-called developed nations and their elite. Do the wealthy in these nations use their wealth and influence to help the people in other nations? Fuck, no. They build mansions and buy jets for themselves. Almost each and every one of us living in the more wealthy nations blind ourselves to the plights of the people in the rest of the world. We're such a bunch of pampered twits that we even form groups like PETA to campaign for the rights of animals. Seriously, I think that's a slap in the face for each and every child dying of starvation in those countries less wealthy than ours. While human beings suffer, we're worried about the rights of pigs and chickens!

I could go on and on about the endless stupidities perpetrated by humans in this world, but that's not the point of this post. The point of this post to answer the question of why I do not intend to have children ever. With that in mind, let's go on. It's obvious that the more people there are, the more misery there will be in the world. Let's just take a simple economic perspective here.

  1. The resources of the world, even if they are renewable ones, are limited.

  2. Humans consume resources.

  3. Every second, more people are being born than there are dying.

I think it's easy to see that our "growth" is really a recipe for disaster. The more people there are in the world, the lesser resources there will be for each person. Prices will rise, standards of living will go up, the next few generations will find themselves increasingly cramped in this global village of ours. In my parents' time, a family of four could get by on about SGD$800. Just you try feeding a family of four on that amount in Singapore these days, and educating the children besides. It is impossible. You'd need at least twice that amount to achieve a similar standard of living. Is everyone getting paid twice as much as they used to? I doubt that.

I think that over the next few generations, the lower-income group will grow, and the middle-income group will shrink, while the rich, as always, remain more or less at the top of things. Sure, the opportunities are there, in a meritocratic country such as Singapore, for those who are poor to attain wealth, but let's face it. Few people ever make that transition. This is partly because it takes an extraordinary person to claw his way up into the upper echelons of any society, and extraordinary persons are, by definition, rare. By contrast, it is considerably easier for the rich people to remain rich as long as they're not extraordinarily stupid.

Anyway, the one thing we can be sure of is that if it is already difficult for a person from the middle class to get wealthy, it would be even more difficult for him if he is burdened with a couple of squalling brats. So, now we come to the point of the post, which is to answer the question of why I don't intend to have children.

Firstly, as I have already said, there is already way too much misery in the world, and most of it is caused by this world having too many people. In material terms, overpopulation is not really all that difficult a problem to solve. Supposing each household in this generation had only one child, the world population would be halved for the next generation, and the world would be a lot more peaceful. This shit will, of course, never happen because, as I have said, people are selfish and stupid. Anyway, as I said, I have no desire to contribute to overpopulation. There are so many orphans around anyway, so if I ever feel like I'm ready for a child, I would probably opt for adoption. I may not have the power to save the world, but I will at least choose not to add to its troubles.

Secondly, having a child is sort of like playing Russian Roulette. You roll and you never know what you're going to get. Sure, some people may love whatever crap issues forth from their loins, and I probably would too (I really am a rather responsible person despite my blogging image), but why take the unnecessary risk and go through unnecessary anguish? I am, of course, talking about the possibility that your child may come out deformed, crippled, or just plain stupid. No, if I ever get to the point when I think I'm ready for a child, I'll go adopt an orphan who is healthy. Some people might think that this is a form of eugenics or some shit like that, and I say, hell yeah. Look at it this way, I am choosing not to take the risk of adding bad genes to the human gene pool and instead choosing to help preserve the good genes. I must say that I do not see anything bad about that. My logic is, as usual, unassailable.

Lastly, having had a not-so-privileged childhood, I am have no desire to inflict the same sort of thing on any hypothetical children of mine. When I was younger, I was determined that I would only have children when I can give them the best of everything money can buy. As I grew older, I realised that even though I am a rather talented sort of fellow, it would be unlikely for me to achieve that level of wealth (at least a million in cold, hard cash) before I am, say, 35. Let's do some calculations here. For a male to complete his education up to a university graduate level in Singapore, he would need about 24-25 years.

24 + 35 = fucking 59!

No fucking way. I'm not going to worry about a brat until I hit 59! And that's assuming I only have one child. Ideally, I think a child should have at least one sibling. Do you have any idea how much energy is required to take care of someone for that long? I doubt I'd have the stamina for it, especially when I'm fucking 59. Furthermore, and here's the selfish part, I have not really enjoyed life much until now, and I'll be damned if I do not enjoy the rest of it to the fucking hilt. Also, I would rather concentrate on trying to give my dear old mother, who has done so much for me, the good life she's never enjoyed, than to worry about some unborn stranger.

Lest you guys think I am just kidding and that I will eventually change my mind, let me tell you that I have decided to get a vasectomy right after I start working. In fact, it is a standard joke between Injenue and myself that if some stupid chick ever tries to use pregnancy to force me to marry her, I'd agree, then call it off on the wedding day itself just to embarrass her. Can you imagine the fucking conversation on that day? "Dear guests and all others assembled. Either this cunt here is a lying, manipulative bitch or she is a cheat. I am sterile and she says she is pregnant. While I do not deny the possibility of an immaculate birth, I do not see why I should be responsible for one. Get the fuck out of my face, you stupid bitch. Good day."

Blinkymummy has, since getting Browned and Miyagi-ed on the same day, gotten rather popular all of a sudden. She now averages about two thousand hits per day, and with such fame comes the price of, as usual, dumb groupies and cyber-stalkers. Go check that shit out, guys. Some of the crap they post as comments is fucking hilarious. Yes, I know that by asking even more dumb fucks with too much free time on their hands (read: you) to go visit her site, I'm potentially adding to the number of lame wankers harrassing her. Hey, if you didn't know that I'm sadistic by now, get the fuck out of here, I don't want you reading my blog.
Can a vasectomy be reversed? If so, I'm going to get one as well.
sb: Nope, it's an irreversible operation.

Adrian: I can understand your point there about having to be responsible for someone until you're 60 being a pain in the arse, but despite that I intend to have children simply because I love them and I do so want to be a mum. I share your sentiments about wanting to give my children the best I can (considering how we probably had similarly traumatic childhoods), but the most important thing I can give them is love and support, which is something I never got from my own family, despite being materially blessed.
sb and sheena: Actually, in some cases, a vasectomy can be reversed. :)
I'm too fucking lazy to read this long-assed essay but I thought I'd just leave a comment anyway.
Hooray. It's time to start saving up for one.
i think suspiciousbastard is not suspicious at all.
Vasectomies can be reversed? How? I mean, they actually cut and tie up your sperm ducts right? How the heck can they sew them together again after that?
Don't have children.
Do the next best thing.

Clone yourself. Have millions of clones that you'll use to take over the world. Now that'll be kickass.
Adrain ==> That's made the 2 of us.
Nice Blog.
Vasectomies can be paid by Medisave in Singapore.

Personal accounts in Singapore:
Daniel: tch tch, such laxity of thought from a purported intellectual?

sb: we could go together or something, haha.

blinkymummy: he does seem uncharacteristically trusting.

sheena: as i understand it, there are two kinds of procedures.

sid: the clones will be my secret police after i take over the world, man. how do i intend to take over the world? haha that's a secret.

lupin: thanks

knightofpentacles: thanks for the info, man.
yeah! vasectomies kick ass!!
dadddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! =) my msn's sammi0104@hotmail.com...catch u online hor? lols missed u
i like to think that i was the first to plug blinkymummy. this makes me think that i, too, might have good taste in blogs.

marginally, anyway.
Dude, of course you have good taste in blogs. You plugged me, didn't you? :p

Anyway yes, I gotta thank you for plugging her first, man.
I agree with you. The world is indeed fucking overpopulated with human beings. Insects and fungus pale in comparison as human beings swarm and choke the Earth in our supercolonies. It seems that WE are the fucking plague.

There was a recent article in TODAY by LKY. In short, he made bold arguments (he's LKY) about how less-developed societies should just reproduce less, and get educated more. LDCs are crippling themselves and their economies with their population growth.

I totally agree that the bulk of human suffering is due to too many people in a limited space, directly or indirectly. Each time I see or am in a crowd, I have a burning desire to incinerate every motherfucking individual in it. I'm not misanthropic, I just hate swarms of humans. Ok I think I'm misanthropic. Fuck you.
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Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

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