Answers To Some Questions
I was reading this awesome post
by He Who Was Formerly Known As Big Fuck
. Go check it out, people. If I say it's awesome, it's definitely awesome, ok?
Recently the suspiciousbastard
asked me a few questions
. For the sake of completeness, I paste them here.
Yes, I'm asking you, Leader of LEWD. Since you have an overflowing amount of wisdom, I hope that you can enlighten me with your enlightening answers to the questions that I have here. Maybe I'll get smarter and wiser just by looking at your answers.
1. How do you toilet train a hamster?
2. In documentaries featuring lions, I have never seen a lion shit before. And there's never any sign of shit in the whole documentary? How is this possible? Or is it that lions never take a crap?
3. If the hair between your legs is supposed to keep the gential parts warm, why is it that the hair grows ABOVE the gentials and not ON the gentials themselves? How would anyone keep their dick warm in that manner? And why haven't we evolved to the point where there's no hair on our parts?
4. Would you consider going into an alliance with The Brain(minus Pinky) if it would help you take over the world in a shorter time?
5. What is a good, clean subsitute for sex?
6. How do gays piss in toilets if they cut off their dick?
7. How do I concentrate on a task that I want to do?(this question is a serious one)
That's it. Please answer these questions so that I can rest in peace when I die. You wouldn't want to torment a future old man with doubts, would you?
Very well, SB. Seeing as you have done some appropriate ass-kissing (insincere or otherwise, I don't care, since us Evil Overlords only want lackeys and not men with integrity), I shall generously dispense some greatness to you.
1. Through pain. Everytime your hamster craps up the place, you use medieval torture devices on it. Miniature ones, of course.
2. In the beginning, when the world was made by Aslan, it was decreed that the lion shall be the King of the Beasts. Does a king not crap in a toilet with golden taps? Oops, sorry, only CEOs of NPOs do these days. Anyway, Aslan is the goddamned Son of the King Beyond the Water or some shit like that, ok? He can do, like Deep Magic and, you know, stuff, right? So there you go.
3. Ok, this is the sort of question that gets the word "creepazoid" branded on your forehead, ok? Nevertheless, since you wanted an explanation and since I am indeed the fount of wisdom, I shall give you the proper scientific explanation, based on no research at all whatsoever. Warm air rises and is trapped in the hair, ok? So, like, when cool air descends, it meets the warm air in the hair and, you know, they sort of cancel out and, well, stuff. You wanted to know why we haven't evolved to the point where we don't have hair on our bits? Well, there's a scientific explanation for that too. All the best scientists know that evolution is false and that the world was made about 6000 years ago.
4. Yes, of course. I'd betray and kill the little bugger right after we succeed, though.
5. I shall have to answer your question with a question. What's so bad and unclean about sex?
6. Gays don't cut off their dicks.
7. Well, there's no hard and fast rule about this one. Usually, I just turn off my frikkin' computer and voila, no more distractions. Instant nirvana. On tap.
So there ya go.