Last Sunday, I went skating at East Coast Park with one of my brothers. After we were done, we were trying to cross a zebra crossing on the way back to my bro's car when he collided with some kid on a bicycle. The reason this happened was because there was another group of people (skaters or bikers, I forgot which) going in the other direction, which we narrowly avoided colliding with. Let me illustrate.
So then the kid's father, who was riding some distance behind the kid, got off his bike, ran to his kid, and started going ballistic on my bro. Here are some facts of the situation.
- It was an accident.
- No one was hurt.
- It was a zebra crossing and hence the kid should have been watching for people crossing.
- Hence, if anyone was in the "wrong", it would have been the father for not teaching the kid to slow down at the fucking zebra crossing.
However, those were just incidentals. I am a very primitive person in some aspects, and this is one of them. I do not really care who was in the right or wrong. Or rather, my friends and I are always right and if you disagree with us, you're wrong. It's that simple, really. So here's the ensuing conversation, more or less.
Enraged Dad (ED): &%$#@*@^#$@
Bro (B): Sorry, blah blah yada yada yada.
B: Sorry, sorry blah blah.
AQ: WHAT?? I AM NOT THE ONE WHO KNOCKED DOWN YOUR KID LOR!
ED: Then why are you staring at me?
AQ: YOU STARE AT ME I STARE AT YOU LAH!
ED: *blabbers more crap*
AQ: *BLABBERS MORE CRAP IN BIGGER FONT AND MOTHERFUCKING ALL CAPS*
ED's Wife (EW): *watches AQ take a step towards ED*
EW: Ok, look, I don't think this is worth fighting over, ok?
ED: *slinks back to his bicycle*
AQ (mutters): NBCB
I think there are a few lessons in this story. Firstly, wars are started by men. The reasons don't really matter much, actually. Reasons are just excuses to be assholes. I mean, sure, my bro did knock down the kid, but since no one was hurt, why'd that idiot have to make so much noise over it? If he'd been polite, there would have been no conflict. Equally, I could have just stood by while he gave my bro a piece of his mind and we would have walked away after he ran out of steam. However, I simply cannot stand idly by when my brother is being bullied.
Second, discretion is the better part of valour. The fucker was pint-sized, for chrissake. I don't care how enraged he was, I could have folded him up and put him in my pocket without breaking a sweat.
Third, if you have a family, you have no business losing your temper. If events had really escalated and a fight had broken out, I think that the psychological harm to the kid from seeing his dad getting whacked would have been worse than any physical bruises he had suffered from the accident. If you have a family, leave your temper at home. A father and a husband has no business getting into scraps over inconsequential matters.
Sometime during the past week, I had a funny dream. I dreamt that I was having some coffee with Blinkymummy
and some other chick. This other chick (let's call her Jane, since I haven't the faintest idea in hell who she was) was talking about how it was inevitable that a human would always triumph over any animal in a fight, because humans are so much more intelligent than animals. So I was insisting that there were some animals that man just didn't have the capability of fighting, no matter how smart we were.
Strangely, in my dream, guns hadn't been invented yet.
So Jane was being anal, as chicks are wont to do, and demanded that I give her an example of an animal that a human couldn't best in a fight. So I told her that a human couldn't possibly beat a Tyrannosaurus Rex. I remember that in the dream, I was still only half-serious, but like most chicks, Jane was getting pretty worked up over nothing. Bah, chicks are so stupid. Anyway, Jane insisted that a human would be able to beat a T-Rex in a fight and started to suggest a lot of unlikely ways for a human to do just that, in typical chick fashion.
I was like, "yeah right", and the conversation progressed along the same lines. Meanwhile, what was Blinkymummy doing? Here's the funny thing. Blinkymummy wasn't participating in the conversation at all. Occasionally, she would contribute or respond when we asked her a question, but what came out of her mouth would be totally unrelated to the topic. Instead, she would say quotes from her blog, such as that "the death of a million is just a statistic" quote. It was pretty fucking funny, even in the dream.
So anyway, I was just thinking that, man, this deluded chick is saying all this crap only because she'd never seen a T-Rex before (as if I had) when in typical dream fashion, two
T-Rexes came around the corner of the building! Of course, we all ran for dear life with the tyrant lizards hot on our tails. We managed to reach a HDB flat and ran up the stairs. Since a T-Rex is about 3 storeys tall, they couldn't follow us in. We climbed to the 4th floor and looked down at them and waited for them to go away. However, it soon became apparent that they were waiting for us to come down as well.
We soon started to argue amongst ourselves again, with me asking Jane something like: "NOW will you believe me when I say that a human has no chance against a T-Rex?"
Just like a typical chick, Jane refused to admit defeat even in the face of overwhelming evidence and kept insisting that she was right. So I looked at Blinkymummy and she nodded and we . . . threw Jane to the dogs, as it were.
The last thing I remembered about the dream was Blinkymummy muttering "the death of one . . ."
A few cool links.
, then this
. It's fucking hilarious.
I don't usually like blogs that are about the writer's life, but the Duff
is exceptionally good. He has a real flair for it, as you can see in this post
has a rather beautiful post about a train journey