There's no "team" in "I"

There's no "team" in "I", and if you can't handle that, well, find yourself another "I", ok? "I" is not a democracy. "I" does not care about your feelings. Everything you do if you want to be with this "I" must be for the good of the "I". Think not of what the "I" can do for all of you, but what all of you can do for the "I". The "I" is bigger than all of you, individually or collectively.

You see, there's something you must all learn about being with the "I", and that is that the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many. If the "I" has prior engagements or even, indeed, last minute appointments with his beer buddies, then it is up to the team to cover for him. That's what being with the "I" is all about.

If the team can master this simple concept, then the "I" becomes more than just an "I", it becomes family. The bonds formed start to go beyond those of a working relationship, and someday, the "I" might even confer upon the team the singular honour of borrowing beer money from them. Isn't that something worth fighting for?

Oh, so now the team wants to find another "I"? You all think you'd be better off without this "I", even if you have to do all this shit by yourselves? Fine, then. The "I" will have no problems finding another team, you just wait and see. The "I"'s next team will be even more brilliant and accomodating to the "I"'s needs than this selfish team could ever manage to be. If the "I" leaves, he's never coming back.

He's really leaving now, ok? Yeah, just let him collect his things first, all right? Looks like you're all not going to change your minds, huh? Fine, then. The "I" can do without you. Stupid bunch of ingrates.

Style inspired by the Onion's comment pieces.  ¶
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