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Wednesday, August 10, 2005
 
Blogger User Survey And Terrorist Deterrence Tips

I just did the Blogger user feedback survey. There was this question.

What led you to start your own blog? Please select all that apply.

Here are the options.

Friends who blog
Began to read blogs, decided to start one
Heard about bloggers in the media, decided to try it myself
It was an easy alternative to creating my own website
A specific life event (wedding, birth, etc.), please specify:
Other, please specify:

Naturally, I chose "other". This is what I said. "To show others how it's supposed to be done."

Then there's this other question.

Why do you blog? Please select all that apply.

And here are the options.

Opportunity to to voice my opinions
Enjoy flexing my writing muscles
Easy way to keep friends & family informed of what's going on in my life
Easy way to keep a record of interesting things I find online
Use blogging as a tool at work or for my business
Hope to use my blog as a stepping-stone towards achieving my career goals
Get things off my chest – blogging makes me feel better.
Other, please specify:

And, of course, I chose "other" again. "First step in grand plan for world domination."

Then, there were these other questions, all with "other" options.

What types of blogs do you predominantly read? Please select all that apply.
How do you find new blogs to read? Please select all that apply.
Why do you read blogs? Please select all that apply.

My reply to all of this was, of course, "I do not read other blogs."

Man, I am such an asshole. Actually, I do think Blogger provides the best hosted blogging platform available. I'd rather pay to use Blogger than use a free Xanga with all the frills a paid Xanga account offers. Jesus fucking Christ, Xanga sucks. If you're a "Xangarian" (what kind of stupid word is that, anyway) and you're pissed off by this, guess what?



I don't care.

On a more serious note, when asked if there were any changes I would like to make to my blog, I said that I would like to add the ability to categorise my posts in my blog. Man, having that capability in Blogger would totally rock. Otherwise I'd probably end up having to find another host in future.




Just the other day, I was on one of my rare trips to Orchard Road, and I saw three policemen standing around with red berets (that's like, fucking special ops or something) with rifles in their hands. The three of them were just standing together inside the MRT (Mass Rapid Transit: that's the tube, or subway to non-Singaporeans) station. They had the most bored expressions on their faces, and I must say that I can't blame them. Seriously, what could be more dully tedious than standing around all day looking at a bunch of staid Singaporeans?

That's not the point, however. I presume that they were there so that if any would-be terrorists try to "set up us the bomb", these fine policemen would be able to "take off every zig" "for great justice". If you did not understand the preceding sentence, you don't get it and should hence "STFU, noob". Well, unless you're one of my friends, in which case I will kindly forgive your ignorance and even patiently explain to you what it means.

Oh, all right. Go google for "all your base are belong to us" and you might have an idea of what I was talking about.

However, I digress. My original point was that the policemen were just standing in one spot together. I know because being an asshole, I lurked there and surreptitiously watched them for a couple of minutes just so I could make fun of them on my blog. Anyway, there were millions of us civvies at the MRT station and only three of them there, so how could they ever spot any suspicious activity by just standing around in one spot?

Because I am such a civic-minded bugger, I Rock, You Suck has compiled a list of tips for governments everywhere regarding the use of police patrols to deter terrorist activity.

Super Gan Pua No Horse Run Steady Pom Pi Pi Tips (That Kick Ass) For Deterring Terrorists (KNNBCCB)

  1. Have your policemen make everyone line up in all public places. It's way easier to keep tabs on an orderly queue of people than on an undisciplined mob. Everyone knows that discipline is good for you anyway.

  2. Brand the identification numbers/social security numbers of everyone on their foreheads. Better yet, have identification chips implanted in their bodies. Anyone entering any public place without an identification chip will set off an alarm and be immediately gassed. If the gassed person just happened to have a faulty chip, well, that's better than letting someone set up us the bomb, isn't it? The death of a million . . .

  3. Foreigners should have temporary chips implanted in places where they can be removed later without surgery (we're not barbarians, afterall), such as in their anuses. Also, in order to make sure that they understand just how serious we are about this deterrence issue, the chips should not be too small. Approximately the size and shape of a porn actor's erect penis would be the recommended standard.

  4. Policemen should not just stand around in one place. Instead, they should walk around following random people for a short distance and gazing at them from head to foot in a suspicious manner.

  5. Suspicious characters spotted in tip #4 should be immediately tackled. The policeman doing the tackling should also holler a tribal war cry (while doing the tackling) as a deterrent to other terrorists.

  6. Policemen should randomly halt pedestrians and point their rifle muzzles at said pedestrians' heads. They should then demand that the pedestrian recite his/her own identification number. If the pedestrian fails to do so immediately and correctly, that pedestrian is obviously a terrorist and should then be shot in the head.

  7. Any pedestrian who dares to meet a policeman's eyes obviously has some beef with the government and is a potential terrorist. Such people should be detained for "questioning" immediately.

  8. Have policemen randomly knock pedestrians out by hitting them on the head with their rifle butts and then strip and search their unconscious bodies. The scope of the searches must of course include bodily orifices, because there's nothing these cunning terrorists would not stoop to in order to bring down the free world.


I can almost guarantee that terrorism will no longer be a problem if these tips are followed by every government in the world. Remember, we must fight fire with fire and terror with terror. Only when the people are more afraid of their governments than of terrorists will terrorism lose its effect.
 
Comments:
if got such thing, i want to be policeman liao. hehe. knock out all the chio bus!!
 
Solid rules dude but #6 and #7 terbalik leh...those who cannot say their ID number should take to police station and questioned, whilst those who *Dare* look at policeman should be shot since they have beef with gahmen.

The punishment is more fitting to the crime, no?
 
Inj: Maybe that's why you didn't get in? You'd go around frisking all the chicks.

mooiness: Cannot say ID = terrorist cos they faking mah. Confirm terrorist must shoot. While discontent with gahmen is only potential terrorist nia. :p
 
you very communist. lol. karl marx lor.
 
I believe the word is 'totalitarian'. and btw, Karl Marx advocated peaceful means.

coming back to the post, OMGROFL LOL! fuckin funny esp the 'all your base are belong to us' references, heh.
 
小beng and Daniel: Yah, totalitarianism is more accurate in this case. And yes, I am an incredibly funny fucker, as I have said before. And if I say it, it must be true, right?
 
Gee.

Future Hitler.

And I can never get sick of your middle finger.

Btw, the stroker of your ego has moved.

http://bitcherific.blogspot.com

Ta.
 
u noe, u got really nice, slim fingers.
 
"Better yet, have identification chips implanted in their bodies."

Can we buy or sell stuff if we don't have this chip implanted in our bodies?
 
nothing much i can said about it except 2 words

U PoWEr !!!~~~

-Purple
 
Fuck, you're a funny dude. One of your best posts ever. Kudos, Adrian!
 
Sheena: What the hell happened to you? How come no updates for so long?
 
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