I consult the Oracle
As I have said, cool people don't do memes, but ultra-cool people do memes without even being tagged
. So here I am, once again, stealing memes from other people (Rambo this time
). In this meme, one runs the music player of one's preference and puts it on shuffle. Then, one asks of the Oracle (mine is winamp) the following questions, hits "next song", and takes the song title as the answer.
I know that many people, upon reading this, will say that it is a crappy method of predicting the future, but I say that it makes way more sense than motherfucking astrology, ok? So here goes.How does the world see me?
Mariah Carey - Hero (Fuckin' A, but I would have preferred "supervillain". And to those who ask why I listen to Mariah Carey, isn't that your kettle boiling I hear?)Will I have a happy life?
Bananarama - I Heard A Rumour (See how fortune-tellers make money?)What do my friends really think of me?
Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing (Shucks, I love you too, guys. Not as much as you love me, of course. Not even as much as I love Aerosmith. In fact, I would characterise it as more of a vague sense of not disliking you, but hey, it's something.)Do people secretly lust after me?
Bon Jovi - Never Say Goodbye (I'll take that as a resounding "yes".)How can I make myself happy?
Changi and Desker - Say Yes (Well, it was actually "Chage and Aska" and I was actually expecting Fuck Her Gently by Tenacious D, but there ya go. Oh wait, that would have been "How can I make them happy?" Then again, sometimes they like to be fucked hard too.)What should I do with my life?
Michael Learns To Rock - The Actor (Wow, eerily unambiguous. This totally kicks astrology's ass, fucks yeah! And again, your kettle is really sounding off now.)Will I ever have children?
Real McCoy - Another Night (Another night? Shit, I'm totally gonna get a vasectomy before I have sex again.)What is some good advice for me?
Connor Reeves - Earthbound (Guess that means I shouldn't take planes or ships. Or maybe it means I should just lie down on the floor and do nothing. Yeah, I like that.)How will I be remembered?
Olivia Newton John - Physical (Which future Michelangelo wants to make a sculpture of my fat ass? You'd have to promise to be very complimentary where the nether regions are concerned.)What is my signature dancing song?
Abba - Dancing Queen (Great. This just confirms the prevalent view that I dance like a faggot.)What do I think my current theme song is?
Richard Marx - Now And Forever (What the fuck . . .)What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
周杰伦 - 我的地盘 ("Jay Zhou - My Territory" Now, this is more like it!)What song will play at my funeral?
Irene Cara - What a Feeling (This is one of my favourite retro songs. I guess that explains it.)What type of men/women do I like?
Men: Some Japanese Drama Theme Song - What Will I Do (Suitably ambiguous, since I don't like men.)
Women: Patti Labelle - Lady Marmalade (Yeah, baby, yeah! I like women who ask me if they can sleep with me tonight, although I'm sure we would not be doing a lot of sleeping, if you know what I mean and I think you do . . .)What is my day going to be like?
attempt: Janet Jackson - Again (I thought it meant that I should try asking again, so I did. And you really should see to that kettle.)
attempt: Diana King - Shy Guy (Well, I guess no oracle is perfect.)
The following questions are my own.What's the answer to the meaning of, you know, life, the universe and everything?
Imperio - Armor Infinitus (What? Not 42? Shit. Poor Douglas got it wrong. It's actually make infinite amounts of love, which just totally makes sense.)What's the question?
Aaliyah - Are You That Somebody (So lemme get this straight:
Question: Are you that somebody?
Answer: Fuck my brains out.
Fuck me if that doesn't make a whole lotta sense.)Will Linux ever break Microsoft's monopoly?
Abba - Money Money Money (This question has a deep, personal meaning for me, because I have a bet with the Evil Canadian that says that if Linux breaks Microsoft's monopoly power, then I'd travel to Canada and he'd buy me a six-pack of beer. I guess this means I'm getting my beer.)Is subscribing my enemies for granny pr0n too harsh a punishment for them?
Bon Jovi - In These Arms (Guess not.)
Yeah, if I think of more questions, I'll post them.