Power Rangers and the people who watch them are lame.
I just saw this on collegehumor.com.

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Ninja Turtles vs. Power Rangers

If you were half as addicted to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as I was in my younger days, which I know you were, then you can probably recite the theme song, tell me which turtle used what weapon, and have boxes of regular Ninja Turtles, transforming Ninja Turtle, and Ninja Turtle Halloween costumes. The youth of this newest generation (so appropriately dubbed “generation fox kids”) have different theme songs in their heads and different toys in their boxes. They’ve got Power Rangers. Now I’ll admit, I watched the original Power Rangers but it never got near the point where my Ninja Turtle obsession was. In fact basically the only reason I watched it was because Kimberly (pink ranger) was hot.

The Ninja Turtles were ridiculously cooler with catch phrases like “cawabunga”, and an unhealthy obsession for pizza. I personally can’t tell why they were ever replaced by the colorful Power Rangers. Sophomore Aron Rosen of American University had this to say “The [Ninja] Turtles were a lot cooler than the rangers…and they molded the generation more. Cuz it’s like, we started saying stuff like ‘radical,’ things that were made common usage by the turtles. Nothing the Power Rangers said ever became common usage…I've never heard a little kid say, ‘woaw, that's morphin!’" He may be right, but that’s not what’s important here. The real question is “if you put the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Power Rangers (the original Power Rangers for arguments sake) in a battle to the death, who would be the last daytime hero standing?"

The Ninja Turtles advantages are that they have hard shells, they each have been trained and mastered one weapon of choice, and they can dance to songs with catchy lyrics’ such as “go Ninjas, go Ninjas, go”. Also, in my lifetime I haven’t met anyone else who can figure out a plan to stop a mutant porcupine and dog, from beating the crap out of them and their reporter girlfriend, April, using nothing more then doughnuts, and magical ooze that un-mutates them (though this plan eventually failed it was a really good idea). The Power rangers have cool outfits, they can teleport, and they have a “super awesome big thunder power megatron zord” robot. Of course they never used the big robots until their opponent blew up and when the dust settled was hundreds of feet taller. (This never made sense to me. Why wait for the other guy to get big before you do? Why not just come to the fight scene larger in the first place and step on the clock, or stop sign, or toaster that turned into a bad guy that can tell the time, or make you come to a complete stop and look both ways, or toast a waffle, or some random super power?)

So assuming the Power Rangers couldn’t use the big machine things all they have is their karate, and their puny little pathetic excuse for intergalactic laser pistol. The Ninja Turtles have years and years of martial arts training from a martial arts master rat (more on splinter below) and much cooler weapons. I’d take a long stick over a laser pistol any day. Sophomore at UMass Justin Huget felt that “the Turtles would win because they are green” then I pointed out that there was a green power ranger, and he pointed out that he turned white eventually cuz he wasn’t cool enough to be green. Sophomore Ben Firshein may have been drunk when he said, “they are not only each a specialist in a specific area, but they are the greatest, most talented geniuses of all time (Rafael, Michaelangelo and Da Vinci)” I am not sure what he was trying to say but I put think it is to the point (not sure what point it is to though).

(This is below) As for the trainers of each group of heroes, Splinter was a rat who mastered martial arts and trained 4 young turtles in the ways of karate and raised them as his own Teenage Mutant Ninja sons. He had a sense of humor (I will always remember him saying “haha, I made a funny”) and a phat accent. Who were the Power Rangers’ leaders? A dorky robot named alpha that said “ai yai yai yai yai” and a big face in a tube, and I’d like to point out, absolutely no one that I’ve spoken to remembers his name.

The answer is clear as a bell. The Ninja Turtles would demolish the Power Rangers. The Power Rangers would be so badly beat, that FOX would finally decide to stop making crappy spin-offs like Power Rangers: In Space, Power Rangers: Lost Galaxy, Power Rangers: Spring break, Power Rangers: Return of the Jedi, and so on. If I were the Power Rangers I wouldn’t show up to the fight, I’d move to Canada under an alias, and I would live my remaining days in secrecy.

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Not to nitpick, but the Ninja Turtles actually learned ninjitsu, not karate. I have absolutely no fucking idea what martial arts the Power Rangers learned, so it may well have been karate. Anyway, I totally agreed with that article. In their time, TMNT totally kicked ass. Power Rangers are fucking lame. TMNT would have totally owned Power Rangers.

TMNT kicked so much ass that when I was 9 or 10, I actually formed a gang in school with four other boys calling ourselves the Ninja Turtles. We'd fold paper shurikens and attach broken off staples to the points of the stars. Then we'd go hunting. We even made a school bully bleed once. Man, that was fun. Power Rangers can kiss my ass. How come they can't run, for one thing? When they get into their stupid costumes, they have to somersault and cartwheel everywhere they go. What the fuck is up with that?

Why the fuck do they have to have hand gestures for every fucking thing they say? Oh yeah, it's because their costumes are too stupid to allow them to actually have facial expressions. You know, Batman wore a mask too, but he didn't nod, clench his fist and point in random directions with every fucking word. Jeez, Power Rangers suck ass. It's no wonder the people who grew up watching that dumbfuck show grew up to be the skid marks we see infesting the fucking streets these days.

Man, I hate kids. For further information about how I define kids and old people, look here.  ¶
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