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Tuesday, March 30, 2004
This is surprising, I googled "donaq" idly and guess what? My blog's URL turned up on this other guy's blog. I have no idea how he got to my blog, since I definitely don't know him personally. Could be my unabashed spamming of my blog's URL in my irc channel (spamming is justified in this case because my blog kicks ass and who doesn't want to read a kick ass blog?), or could be he went through a long chain of links to find mine, or it could also be that he saw it on blogger just after I published. Whatever it is, it appears that Kevin likes my writing (on second thought, I've seen "sisspawn" in one of my comments before).
I shall take that as a compliment, but just for linking me without permission, I'm going to link you without permission too. :P
I am a nocturnal creature. I don't like to be up and about during the day. What's so good about the day? It's hot, it's fucking noisy and it's filled with stupid people going about their meaningless activities. In the night, however, it's quiet and apparently peaceful. Appearances can be deceptive, however. The day is safe, because light illuminates all dark corners and makes it safe for the fucking mindless lemmings and sheep that roam about in the light. The night, however, belongs to the predators, and woe betide the foolish sheep that would dare intrude upon our domain. It's no accident that my true name means "dark one" because I love the dark. The dark rules because I love it, and you day creatures suck ass because you are clueless.
What other opposites are there? Ah yes, the so-called "good" and "evil". In my experience, one man's good is usually another man's evil. It's the biggest fucking goof of all time. I realised this great but simple truth a long time ago because I'm such a fucking genius, and I shall impart it to you now, humble reader. In case you still haven't realised it, there's no such thing as absolute good or evil. Be honest with yourself. There's only "us" and "them". Some people think that this concept of mine is primitive, but I find that it really simplifies a lot of issues for me.
Whatever my friends and I do that is in opposition to what you and your friends do, we are right and you are wrong. See? Now all your doubts have disappeared. You're wrong. It's as simple as that. Since my friends and I are always right, it makes for an interesting argument on the rare occasion when I disagree with one of my friends. However, since I am the source of my definition of righteousness and my friends are always right only by virtue of their association with me, all I usually need to do is to gently point out this simple fact and be rewarded by the looks of dawning comprehension on their faces. Yes, that's how awesome I am.
Of course, some of my friends are pretty awesome (to you puny mortals) too, but that's only because my awesomeness has rubbed off on them. Anyway, just remember this. There are no such things as good and evil or right and wrong. Those are concepts for children. There's only "us" and "them". So the next time you get into an argument with someone else, just remember that you're right and they're wrong. If they ask you why, refer them to my blog. Unless, of course, the people you're arguing with are my friends and I, in which case you're most definitely wrong.
Monday, March 29, 2004
With regards to the previous post, yes, that includes you too, Pieter. Heheheh.
I've noticed something amusing. Let me start from the beginning. Just about everyone who read my last long post and who knows me personally told me that it was awesome. None of them told me stuff like "you suck", or "I hate you, O Mirror of My Inadequacy" or even "I don't want to know you anymore, you hateful man". The only possible conclusions I can draw from this peculiar state of affairs are that either
a) the people who read my blog all assumed that they belong to the less than 1% of more than 6 billion people in the world today, or
b) they have accepted the fact that they're incorrigible losers and have already started practising the Way of Eventual Suicide.
Now, since the people who gave me feedback all seemed to still be fairly cheerful, I think that we can safely rule out (b). That means that they all belong to category (a). Get this, more than ten people of my acquaintance belong to the class of people who comprise less than 1% of more than 6 billion people. The odds against that being true are staggering, as I'm sure even you would agree, humble reader.
Come on, just because you're my friend doesn't mean that you're exceptional, people. In case you haven't noticed, the previous post was referring to you. The fact that none of you caught on, my friends, just proved my point that most people were born headed for the dust heap. >=)
You all suck. I hate you.
Sunday, March 28, 2004
Once, before all
Deep in the swirling mists of the void
There was
Inspiration, the key to creation
Creation, the all
The all
Inspired
I was gonna say that I don't blog on weekends because I'm too tired after work, but that would be lame, but then I figured what the hell.
I don't blog on weekends because I'm too tired after work. Fuck y'all if you think I'm lame, hahaha! >=)
Friday, March 26, 2004
The Evil Canadian once told me that I was a punk. Do I agree? Well, I guess that depends on your definition of the word "punk". For instance, if by "punk" you mean "amazingly smart, totally cool and awesomely godlike", well, yes, I guess I would have to concede that I do possess some punkish qualities. If by "punk" you meant "someone who has no respect for anyone" (the more widely-used definition), then I would have to disagree. I respect myself. A lot. I practically stand in awe of me. That's because I have insane skills. Which brings us to what I'm going to talk about today. Self-respect or rather, confidence.
In my case, it's perfectly understandable why I'm so amazingly self-assured. It's because of aforementioned insane skills. However, these days, it seems that everyone thinks that they're actually worth something. It's because of all the self-help gurus and their books that are out there. Everybody's convinced that they have what it takes to become millionaires, that they can have good sexual relationships with their partners, that they can influence others, that they can have better memory, that they can perform mental calculations... the list goes on.
Reality check for all you stupid fuckers: You're just as worthless as everyone else. Come on, who are we kidding here? There are more than 6 billion people aimlessly crawling around in the world today. How many of them become exceptional and influential people? Precious few. Less than 1%. And you think after reading a few self-help books that you are destined to be an exceptional person? You? I have a question for you, genius. How many others amongst the other 6 billion people do you think have read exactly the same books as you have? Doesn't the fact that they're still freaking nobodies suggest something to you? Something like you're never gonna fucking make it?
People like us are rare. That's why we're called "exceptional" people. The rest of you peons and lesser mortals exist for the sole purpose of showing us that we're exceptional, and also to be head counts and/or cannon fodder of course. You are the pawns in the chess games that we play against each other. That's the way it is, and that's the way it's always going to be.
Here's some self-help for you guys.
Give up! Believe me, it will make things better in the long run. The longer you delude yourself, the harder it will be to give up your delusions, and who wants to be a deadbeat 70-year-old with washed-out dreams and boundless misguided enthusiasm? Grow a pair. Face reality. Since you have a depressing existence, do not be afraid to actually be depressed. I can hear some of the less stupid ones among you asking "Great One, but how do we embark on our depressing new existence?" Fear not, cannon fodder, I will provide you with a simple guide on how to live out the rest of your life in misery. One so simple that even you could not possibly mess it up.
1. Wake up.
2. Grimace and wince at the fact that you're actually still alive.
3. Force yourself through washing up and breakfast.
4. Take a bus or the subway to your dead-end job, because it's unlikely that you will ever own a car.
5. Grind through the rest of the day like the mindless automaton that you actually are.
6. Drag yourself home.
7. Worship at the altar of self-pity.
8. Spend some time contemplating the heart-warming fact that it's going to be like this for the rest of your life.
9. Cry your dumb ass to sleep.
10. Repeat 1-9
And there you have it. My simple, 10 step guide to the Way of Eventual Suicide. Start practicing it now and see the effects in your life! It will definitely change your life, maybe even help end it! You will perceive the true nature of things, and stop hallucinating about auras and all the rest of that stupid bullshit. You will gain True Insight.
You will be enlightened.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Here's a riddle:
What is most like a woman's period?
Your salary. It comes one a month, lasts 4-5 days and if it doesn't come, you're FUCKED!
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Men are fucking stupid, but women are even dumber because they fall for men anyway. Allow me to elaborate. There are lots of different types of fucking stupid men out there, but they all have one thing in common. Well, they have two things in common, which are that they all have dicks and that they're fucking stupid. Men know, however, that no matter how badly they fuck up, they will get women anyway. Any gays that lambast me over this post will get a metaphorical cactus rammed up their metaphorical asses. I'm obviously referring solely to heterosexual men here.
Let's go into a bit more detail about the two main ways men can be fucking stupid. First, there are guys who like to work the sensitive guy angle, the so-called SNAGS (an acronym for Sensitive New Age Guy), who are in tune with their "feminine side". These are the people who whine about pimples and relationship problems in irc or IMs. Jeez, is that supposed to impress people? Males do not have "feminine sides". I'd have thought that no girl could have ever fallen for a fucking SNAG, the reason being that their pricks are almost certainly perpetually flaccid, but I was wrong. Apparently SNAGs still get women. However, these women are almost certainly ugly ones. Poor SNAGs. You work so hard to go against your natures in the hopes of getting laid by hot chicks only to find that hot chicks are secretly disgusted by your lack of balls and want to be "just friends". You guys are fucking stupid, because only ugly bitches will dig someone who doesn't say "get the fuck out of my face, you ugly bitch" to them as a knee-jerk response.
Secondly, we have the jocks, who are also fucking stupid because they're, well, fucking stupid. SNAGs at least have the brains to be hypocrites, but jocks could never aspire to that level of stupidity. Jocks actually think that sweat turns women on. What a bunch of stupid pricks. Look, no one except 14-year-olds are interested in how many baskets you can make in one game or how many goals you can shoot. They're interested in how many fucking diamonds you can buy them, which will be zero if you continue to play sports to impress girls and don't start growing some brains. Not only will you eventually lose the position you had at the top of the pussy chain when you were a tin god in school, you will eventually have to bag some former geek's grocery when you find your true calling in life as a cashier at some grocery store. You guys suck ass because although you probably can sustain erections (as opposed to SNAGs with limp dongs), you will never be able to use them after the age of 16. Except on ugly chicks, of course, since they couldn't get anyone better and don't really mind what you think as long as you stick it in.
There you have it, the two extremes of how fucking dumb guys can be. Of course, there are other ways guys can be fucking stupid, but they're all variations between the two extremes. Now we come to the women. Why is it that when you dumb bitches start dating someone, he is suddenly elevated to demigod status in your eyes? No matter how sordid his background, no matter how deadbeat his career, no matter how crude or dumb he is, if he's the chump stupid enough to date your ass (and I do mean your ass, because that's what all guys want in the end: tail), the sun rises and sets in his eyes for you. He's just like every other fucking guy on the street, for fuck's sake. It doesn't just stop there, too. Once a girl falls for a guy, no matter how much he cheats on her or otherwise abuses her, she will generally try everything to "work things out". Get real. Once the bloke sticks his wang into someone else's twat, the shit ain't working no more.
People are so depressingly stupid
No time to type much, so here's a quiz for y'all. Peace out.
| What type of Beer drinker are you? Hoegaarden You like a good beer, but are not one for acidy aftertastes
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| Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
I have a confession to make: I am an atheist. Now, now, atheists, stop slapping each other on the back and shaking each other's hands congratulating yourselves on having such a genius amongst your ranks. And theists, stop howling with despair and tearing out your hair for having such a formidable opponent. There is hope yet. I am an atheist, true, but I'm not one of those militant atheists who goes around picking arguments with you godlings trying to make you see the error of your ways.
The point of this post is peace. Peace on earth, goodwill towards man, yada yada yada. Firstly, I shall address the godlings in general, and the godlings who proselytize in particular. The point that I would make is this: How can you expect to convince heathens if you can't convince the faithful? No matter what denomination of which religion you're from, doesn't the fact that there are other sects out there who basically believe in the same god but does not share your beliefs mean that you should go convert them first? Jews, Christians, Catholics and Muslims believe in the same god, but they're literally killing each other over how to worship god. Can you blame us heathens if we have reservations about this whole god business? Make peace amongst yourselves first before attempting to convert anyone else. Only when there's a unified worldwide religion worshipping god will we heathens give any sort of credence to any of you.
Secondly, why bother? God is all-powerful and all-knowing, so if he means for a person to be saved, it will happen regardless of whether you evangelise or not. Conversely, if he means for a person to be damned, nothing you can say will save that person. Besides, most converts I know converted because of a spiritual/religious experience. I doubt that your speaking will ever inspire something like that.
Right, and now on to the atheists who go around trying to disprove the existence of god. Again, why bother? You guys don't believe that god exists, right? Now, the question I have for you guys is this: Would you attempt to disprove the existence of Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy to a child? (Unless, of course, you're an atheist who believes in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, in which case, you're a very strange creature indeed, haha!)
There you go, the first post in this blog without gratuitious use of the word "fuck".
Monday, March 22, 2004
It just occurred to me that people are weird. What is it that is so sacred about the human body that makes it a forbidden subject for discussion? We kill people or watch them being killed on the news without turning a hair, but mention your penis/vagina during a conversation and get expressions of shock and gasps of astonishment or stern looks of disapproval.
What is so surprising about me having a penis/vagina? Presumably you have one too and have had one since birth? I wonder if these people are surprised everyday when they encounter their genitals during a shower or when changing their clothes. I can just see them gasping and saying stupid stuff like "how can you just show yourself like that"?
And what is so disgusting about bringing up having difficulty with bowel movements and stuff like that? Again, mentioning that you had a particularly difficult shit today invariably draws responses like "you're so disgusting!" Since you find shitting so disgusting, try not doing it for a fortnight, motherfucker. I'm surprised that these excrutiatingly polite people don't kill themselves out of remorse after farting. I think people who are overly polite are really incorrigible hypocrites. They deny all their physical impulses as if they're above anything that exists in the material plane. Since they hate the material plane so much, why don't they just leave?
If they did that, the rest of us could enjoy shitting, burping, farting and fucking in peace. Imagine how cool it would be if all you had to do when you wanted to fart during dinner was to holler "Bombs away!", lean to one side and let 'er rip. And after that everyone would open their mouths, suck in your gases, roll it around inside for a while to fully savour the bouquet and finally spit it out. Then they would grade your fart, holding up cards with scores written on them like the judges do during a gymnastics contest. After that, everyone would continue eating like nothing had happened. Unless, of course, your fart was the product of ten days' worth of constipation, in which case everyone would gather around you to slap your back and compliment you for ripping off a good one.
Also, imagine how cool it would be if you could just go up to someone you fancied and ask them if they'd care to fuck. No hypocrisy, no cheesy pickup lines, no awkward getting to know you phases. Just straight to the important things. If the other person doesn't find you attractive, they would just have to say "no". End of story. Cuts through all the bullshit. Ah yes, humble reader. I hear you asking "but what about love"? Well, what about it?
I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself. That's because I just figured out something that's been bugging me for weeks. This problem was almost insufferably geeky in nature and involves programming, so I shall not describe it here. You, the humble reader, would probably not be able to perceive or understand my brilliance anyway.
Anyway, here's something to consider. What logical reason could there be for a person to get married these days? To answer that question, I shall have to give you chumps a lesson in history. In the past, people got married mostly because they needed the institution of marriage to permit them to fuck. Strange as it may seem, it was actually frowned upon in most societies in the world to fuck before marriage, a most unnatural state of affairs, to be sure. Happily, things have now changed for the better. While not actually encouraged, fucking outside of marriage is at least tolerated these days.
If that is the case, why do couples still get married? To show that they love each other? If your partner doesn't know that you like him/her, what's he/she doing with you? If your partner already knows that you like him/her, why would you have to show it? Come on, if your partner were so insecure about your feelings for him/her that it takes marriage to prove these feelings, he/she would never be satisfied no matter what you do. Dump the neurotic bitch, for chrissake.
What other reasons are there? To have children? You can have children outside of marriage and you can rear them outside of marriage as well. To please your parents? That's even more ridiculous. If your parents force you to make major life decisions just to please them, they're not worth making the effort to please.
The way I see it, the only people who should get married are those with valid reasons like women/men who want to migrate to a particular country but need to prove that some citizen of that country is fucking them regularly before they can do so.
There are, however, many compelling reasons not to get married. Firstly, since marriage is a ritual, sex after marriage often becomes boring and ritualised too. You know, first you strip each other, then you whisper the same phrases you whispered last week. Then... you get the idea. Secondly, it's harder to pull when you're married. Perfectly dishonest people who would have cheated with you before you were married somehow balk when they see your ring. It's still not impossible to pull, you understand, just harder to. There are many more reasons, of course, but I'm sleepy.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
Yes, I have returned to favour all of you with my brilliance once more. As usual, stupidity has irritated me. It's really a pain sometimes to possess an intellect that all but forces me to perceive the assorted follies of my - dare I say it - fellow man. Sometimes when I look around me, it almost seems as if the... organisms... I see belong to an entirely different species.
Let's see... today I shall talk about arts fags. That's right. All of you fucking smug arty farty types, it's time to wake the fuck up and smell the fucking roses. I'm talking about those stuckup "creative" types who look down their noses at engineers and think that engineers and other scientific types are boring and uncreative. The next time I hear or read another dumb joke about engineers being boring or unromantic from a sneering arts fag, I think I'll puke on him so hard that my nads shoot out of my mouth, just before I show my appreciation of his "humour" with an axe in the face.
Is it ok if scientists are so involved in making sure the world continues to spin that they don't have time to date? Is it ok if engineers are so preoccupied with making sure the internet continues to function that they don't have time to get drunk at clubs and make complete fools of themselves? Is it ok if mathematicians are so busy balancing complicated equations that you arts fags will never understand in a million years that they don't feel like attending this or that "avant garde" play with you lesser mortals? Jeez, get over your fucking selves. These people possess the kind of knowledge and skills that you will never possess. You can stuff cubism, post-modernism and surrealism up your asses. The first arts fag who tells me that I don't know what those words mean will get a huge head butt on their noses because they were too stupid to get the point of this post.
I do have a point, which I shall illustrate with the following scenarios.
Supposing all the snivelling arts fags in the world, including arts students studying some silly arty stuff in whatever shitty arts college teaching that sort of crap along with their overpaid tutors and lecturers, died today. Supposing also that all the books that contained any hint of artistic knowledge whatsoever were destroyed on the same day, what would happen to human societies the world over? Nothing much. We'd save a lot of money for about one generation before the next generation of arts fags grows up and starts painting/writing/acting/singing. Admittedly, due to the total loss of artistic knowledge, the quality of their doodlings would probably be lower than the previous generations'. A great tragedy, to be sure, but the species would hardly suffer much because of it. Nah, I was just kidding. It wouldn't be a tragedy at all, and the overall effect on the species would be zilch.
Now imagine if all the scientists and engineers, along with those training to become scientists and engineers, died today and along with them went all the books on science, engineering and mathematics, what would happen to human society? It would go on normally for about two days before disintegrating into absolute chaos. Computer networks would break down because there would no longer be network administrators to perform daily vital tasks that keep them running. The internet would collapse and teenage arts fags would no longer be able to write stupid blogs, but that would be just about the only good consequence of the situation. Elevators that broke down would remain in that state. Planes, buses and cars that broke down would never move again. You wouldn't be able to catch movies or watch TV anymore because TV networks would be down due to lack of maintenance and so would cinemas, not to mention the fact that reels of film need to be transported by buses, cars and planes. No one would know what a plumb line was anymore, and no one would be able to design structurally safe buildings again. Within a generation, we'd be back in the stone age. Whether we would ever be able to recover from such a setback, god only knows.
So the next time you sneer at all those boring scientists and engineers, you snivelling wastrels, think about this: They keep you alive, you fucking idiots.
Friday, March 19, 2004
Various people of my acquaintance have been telling me that I should start a blog. I have no idea why. Maybe I give the impression that I'm interesting or something. Whatever. I'm starting this on a whim, so I don't know if I'll stick with it. I've heard that people get addicted to blogging, though I must say I don't feel any compulsion to maniacally blog my thoughts until the break of day. Yet. Basically, I always do crazy stuff when exams are around the corner.
There are way too many blogs out there with bad poetry and pimply-faced teenagers convinced that they're special and have something worth reading to tell the world, telling the world all about their lives and problems. They whine about lost loves as if it's the end of the world. Come on, guys. The fact that you're online and have the freaking time to blog suggests something, doesn't it?
Here comes the clue train: There are people worse off than you!
Get off your pimply asses and find something worthwhile to do instead of bitching and whining all day about lost loves and such. If he/she doesn't like you, it's probably because you're a whiny bitch. Get over yourself already. Then there are the pseudo-intellectuals and goths who are convinced that long words make good writing. They're not all bad, some are really rather evocative and inspired but the good ones have spawned so many fucked up imitations that it's probably better if the good ones hadn't existed in the first place.
Someone should beat those goons on the head with a clue stick until some sense gets knocked into them. Just because you can read it, doesn't mean you can write it!
Righto. That's all for now. Maybe if I have more to say, you'll all be favoured with more of my brilliance.
Meanwhile, here's something a friend of mine did in response to vegan propaganda which I find hilarious. If you don't like it, just remember that it's not my fault, heheh.
