I rock, you suck
Donate to my Beer Fund

If you enjoyed/hated my blog/have money to burn/are crazy, why not give me your money?
All you have to do is click on the button above.
No? Well, go on to the posts below, then, you prick.

Thursday, April 15, 2004
Hellboy kicks ass

I just watched Hellboy, and it kicked ass. I have friends who tell me that it blows. Well, you're all wrong. I'm right. So what if the plot was pretty much non-existent? Who wants to watch a movie that you actually have to think in order to understand? I like my entertainment nice and uncomplicated, with hot chicks and lots of action. Here are some of the reasons why I liked Hellboy and why if you didn't, you should.

1) Lots of ass-kicking.
Yes, there was ass-kicking basically throughout the entire movie. I mean, there was this Samael monster running around and Hellboy was kicking its ass like, all the way. Then there was this blademaster kinda zombie thingy running around stabbing people. Well, Hellboy kicked his ass, too. Then there was this bald Russian sorceror guy, Rasputin, who was basically the uber bad guy in the show and the boss of the blademaster guy. Actually the person who acted as Rasputin sucked. I have more evil in my toenails than he does in his entire body, but that's ok, because Hellboy totally fucked him up. And at the end, there was this humongous monster with lots of tentacles which somehow came out from Rasputin's belly after he died and which Rasputin referred to as a god. Shit, that was stupid. If that's a god, I'd hate to see his worshippers. Reminded me of Lovecraft, kind of. Anyway, that's ok too, because Hellboy blew it up.

2) Not convinced? Selma Blair is hot.
Yes, I know most of you probably don't think so, and I have to admit that I didn't think so either at first. Then I saw the scene where she told that stupid nerd from FBI (the really sucky element in the show) to hit her. And when he did and her hand started to catch on fire, she looked at him, suddenly calm and serious, and said, "You should be running." Wow, I love chicks with attitudes.

3) The dude playing Hellboy kicks ass.
I think he's pretty convincing. And I liked the part after Selma Blair's soul was lost and he called it back and she was asking him something like, "when I was in the dark, I heard your voice. What did you say?"

"I said, 'hey. You on the other side. You'd better let her go. Because for her I'll cross over, and then you'll be sorry.'"

How fucking cool is that? I like the phrase "for her I'll cross over". Very romantic, may my tongue turn black for saying it. Yes, yes, I can be sentimental at times, ok? Now, fuck off. And he was pretty convincing in the scene after his surrogate father died too. You see, humble readers, he thought that there was something going on between Selma Blair and the FBI dork. So when she wanted to talk to him, he told her something like, "I can promise you two things. I will always look this good."

Selma Blair smiles. Then he turns serious. "And I will never give up on you."


4) Hellboy's fireproof.
'nuff said.

5) Did I mention that there was lots of ass-kicking?
Yes, of course, the best reason to watch any show is that it has a lot of ass-kicking. Which Hellboy has in spades. So go watch it, humble readers. And if it turns out you don't like it, you're a stupid fucker who didn't deserve to keep the money anyway.
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

Laughing at the cosmic gag reel since March '04!

L.E.W.D (click to know more):

Fred And Phil


Hot Babe Blogs:

Other Blogs (that are not quite as good as mine):


Recent Posts:


To Those Who Wish To Link Me:

Due to the fact that my ego is a humongous, bloated monstrousity, it is not highly unlikely that I wouldn't say no to your linking my blog, so there is no need to ask me.

Winners of Adrian Coolness Points:

The Feisty Bitch: For reasons best known to ourselves. (1)
The Feisty Bitch: For getting featured on the Sunday Times (2)
Adri: For being geeky enough to write recursive prose. (1)
Sheena: For really, really liking my blog. (1)
Sheena: For the use of her finger. (2)
Sheena: For getting on the Straits Times. (3)
Ivan: For referring to me as one of "Singapore's leading bloggers". (1)
Ivan: For coming up with the PubicLicezilla idea. (2)
The Big Fuck: For being such a big fuck. (1)
The Big Fuck: For making the miniature Badge of Lewdness. (2)
Anonymous fan: For making a cool finger. (1)
Celly: For appreciating the genius behind the Pagan Bible here. (1)
Icebreeze: For being wise enough to flatter me. (1)
Barffie: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in the papers. (1)
Blinkymummy: For furthering the LEWD cause by appearing in TWO papers within the space of two days, fuckin' A! (2)
Jess: For being observant enough to spot the similarity between Lewdites and Luddites. You rock, babe. (1)
Jiameei: For being my champion against anonymous hecklers. (1)

Powered by Blogger

Ablewise.com Free Classifieds - The Online Classifieds Solutions (TM)

free dating sites

Get custom programming done at GetACoder.com!